


Getting Off

by LinksLipsSinkShips



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Angst, Blowjobs, Casual Sex, Frottage, Link is Gay, M/M, Masturbation, Multiple Partners, Mutual Masturbation, Porn Watching, Rhett thinks he is straight, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-07-06 11:00:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 59,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15884691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinksLipsSinkShips/pseuds/LinksLipsSinkShips
Summary: When Link sends a simple text, "Do straight guys ever watch porn together?", to his straight friend Rhett, he doesn't expect things to get wildly out of hand. But Rhett's got some complicated feelings to work through, and Link isn't the most understanding person on the planet. After all, as far as he's concerned, this was just something straight guys do together. These two have to figure out exactly what comes next, and whether or not things are always was they seem.





	1. Getting Comfortable

**Rhett from Sociology**

 

Can I ask you something?

If it’s about the test, I’m no help. I’m confused as hell.

It isn’t about test stuff. Or school stuff.  
It’s something kind of personal?

Sure, I guess.  
Am I going to regret saying yes?

Maybe.  
You’re straight, right?

As an arrow. Why?

Okay, good.  
Do straight guys jack off together?  
I mean like watching porn together and getting off, in a group or something?

Haha, who told you?  
Why, do you want in? I can invite you next time.

Wait, seriously?

Seriously. Tuesday 2pm. Come if you want to.

Pun intended?

What?  
Ohhh… Hahaha.

 

 

Link would say he wasn’t sure why he asked the question he did, but he  _ was  _ sure. He’d been dying to know if he was being lied to, if the guy he’d recently hooked up with was deceiving him when he said straight guys watched porn together and got off. Deep down, he knew it sounded like a lie, but for some reason, he craved confirmation, some sort of honesty that would come with asking someone outside of the situation entirely.

And he’d also say he wasn’t entirely sure why he asked  _ who  _ he did, but he was sure of that, too. The thing about Rhett was that there was a sort of distance between them. If he asked one of his closer friends, like Gregg or Tim, they’d probably judge him. And if he asked a complete stranger, how would he know that he was getting the truth? But Rhett? Rhett was more like a disposable friend, the kind of person he could casually talk to in class, but that he didn’t really hang out with all that much.

Link had the confirmation he needed. Apparently, this  _ was  _ something straight guys did together. It wasn’t exactly the answer he expected, but maybe his hookup wasn’t lying to him after all. Maybe all of it was just experimental, and who was he to judge what straight guys did together anyway?

But for some reason, the confirmation didn’t matter. Link wanted to witness this strange event for himself. It wasn’t like he expected any sort of personal gratification from it. After all, these were straight guys and they’d likely be watching straight porn, but that wasn’t why he was going anyway. He knew Rhett from sociology, though, and this seemed like a very interesting thing that straight guys did, from a sociological standpoint. So, Link talked himself into going, his mandatory Art History class be damned.

Tuesday at 2pm, Link found himself outside of Rhett’s dorm. He’d been there once before, part of a study group for a test, but this was different, a far cry from the textbooks around the table. Link knocked tentatively, wondering what this was going to be like, how many guys would be there, if he’d even know what to do. But when Rhett swung the door open, revealing the fact that he was wearing nothing but boxers, Link peered past to see an empty room.

“Hey,” Link said, stepping in and setting his backpack down. He had a class after this, hell, he had a class  _ during  _ this.

“Hey,” Rhett replied. “You can, um… you can get comfortable if you want. The couch is over there,” he gestured. There was an open laptop on the ottoman in front of the couch, like Rhett had been waiting for someone to show up.

“Yeah, okay,” Link shrugged, sitting down on the couch. Rhett sat next to him, not close enough for them to be touching, but certainly close enough that more people could join them if anyone else showed up. “Where is everyone?” Link asked.

“They must have been busy. You can, uh… you can get more comfortable if you wanna.” Rhett looked down at his bare chest, then glanced at Link, who was still fully clothed.

“I’m… oh, uh, I mean if now isn’t a good time or if y’all aren’t doing this today, I can always just go,” Link offered.

“No!” Rhett rushed the word out hastily, then scaled back his tone a little bit. “I’m sure everyone’s just busy. This isn’t like, a set-in-stone thing. We’re not like an intramural club or anything. We just sort of hang out and if somebody brings up porn, we maybe show each other some recommendations or something,” Rhett answered, musing aloud. He seemed to be backtracking now, like this was something they did but not nearly as regularly as he’d led Link to believe in the texts they’d exchanged.

“Oh. You want to, um… just text me next time or something?” Link wasn’t sure what to do now. After all, outside of classes, he really didn’t know Rhett all that well. They were casual how-was-your-weekend, did-you-study-for-the-test kind of friends, not jack-off-watching-porn-together friends. Not yet, at least.

“You can stay if you want,” Rhett said. “Just because there’s not a group of us doesn’t mean I can’t prove my point that straight guys watch porn together sometimes. We’re still two guys. There’s still porn.”

“But I’m not straight,” Link said. He was pretty sure that was obvious from even before he’d texted Rhett. He wasn’t exactly in the closet and made no effort to hide his sexuality.

“I… I know that,” Rhett said. “I mean that I’m a straight guy and I can show you that sometimes we get off around other dudes and it’s not really a big deal.”

“Okay. I mean, if you want, then I guess, uh, fire her up?” Link asked. He tugged his shirt off, hoping it would help Rhett feel less weird about this. Link noticed the glances Rhett stole toward the door, but Link couldn’t read the uncertainty on his face. He wasn’t sure if it was a fear that someone might walk in and see them like this, or if it was concern that Link would bolt at any second.

“What do you want to watch?” Rhett asked, pulling up PornHub in an incognito window.

“You should probably pick,” Link chuckled. “I’m not sure you want to see what I’m into.” Link could only imagine the sheer horror, or at the very least, discomfort Rhett might feel if they sat here side-by-side as Link typed in his favorite bear site or twink videos. It was best to let Rhett choose, at least initially, so Link settled back on the couch, pulling one leg up and hugging it as if it would make him look more confident instead of the opposite effect it actually had.

“You can still show me what you like. Only if you want to, though. I don’t have to get off to it,” Rhett said, relaxing back against the couch, practically mimicking Link’s position.

“Oh, um… alright, well, here.” Link leaned forward, moving the touchpad with his fingers. “First, what I watch isn’t on this side of PornHub. You have to go… uh…” Link moved the cursor, navigating to the gay side of the site, “...right here.” Link leaned to one side to give Rhett a view of the screen and an opportunity to say “oh my god, this isn’t what I meant.” But Rhett said nothing. He looked at the computer screen, then at Link.

“So which one, then?” He asked, unphased.

“We don’t  _ have  _ to watch this,” Link said to him. “We can watch whatever you want. It’s okay with me.”

“Nah, you’re my guest. We can watch it.” Rhett adjusted the hem of his boxers, but didn’t make any move to take his cock out. It didn’t seem like he had any plans to touch himself, more curious about what Link was interested in watching than actually aroused. But then he slid his boxers down to his ankles, shaking the leg they were still hooked on to get them off entirely. “You can get more comfortable if you wanna. I mean, we’re watching porn, not  _ Thor  _ or something.”

“Have you  _ seen  _ Chris Hemsworth?” Link asked, chuckling, but he followed Rhett’s lead, sliding his pants down off of himself. There they were. Two guys, one straight, one definitely not, getting ready to watch gay porn. Together. Naked. Link would say it wasn’t weird at all, but if he was being honest, it definitely was.

Rhett laughed a little at Link’s quip but didn’t answer him. Instead, he leaned forward and examined the video titles on the screen. Link had a good view of Rhett from the angle he was at, able to see Rhett’s long, slender body without Rhett noticing his stare. Rhett was one of those guys who was skinny at first glance, but then if you looked a little harder, there was some meat on him, just enough around the waist to give Link to hold onto. Well, if Rhett were into that anyway, but obviously he wasn’t. Link’s eyes traced the length of Rhett’s back and for a moment, all he could think about was how sucky it was that the reason he’d asked Rhett about jacking off in the first place was  _ because  _ he was straight. For a second, Link wished he wasn’t, because Rhett was gorgeous.

But then Rhett settled back in his seat, shaking his head slightly, and Link didn’t have a choice but to tear his eyes away before Rhett caught him looking. He leaned forward. “See any you liked?” He glanced back over his shoulder to meet Rhett’s eyes and Rhett bit his lip.

“Uh, nah, just… just whatever’s fine.” Rhett shrugged.

“Okay,” Link muttered, an almost you-asked-for-it tone in his voice as he skimmed the titles. If he were on his own, he’d consider a specific star he liked, type in the name, but instead a title caught his eye, one that kind of seemed worth looking at.  _ My straight friend used me like a fleshjack.  _ He clicked on it and the amateur video filled the screen.

Unlike in professional porn, there was no lead-up in this amateur video. It started right in the middle of the action, focused on a blur of grainy dicks and asses on the screen, the apparently gay man hooking his leg back over the man behind him to pull him deeper. Link didn’t want to gawk at Rhett, to stare at him or make him feel weird at all, but he was curious as to what Rhett thought of his choice. Rhett cleared his throat and Link used it as an excuse to steal a glance over at him. Rhett was laser-focused on the screen, biting his lip hard. His eyes flashed to Link quickly, then jerked back to the screen.

Rhett wasn’t really intently touching himself, but his palm grazed his cock. Link could see out of the corner of his eye that Rhett wasn’t touching really, but at the same time, he was. Link focused on the screen again, but he suddenly felt self-conscious about having the first choice. What if he got hard while watching and Rhett was weirded out by it? Then again, Link imagined this was a thing Rhett did with guys  _ all the time _ . Surely he’d understand. They were watching porn, after all, so Link inhaled sharply, grazing his fingertips over himself, watching as the guy on-screen came inside of his friend.  _ Dammit.  _ Link hadn’t had the foresight to look at the length of the video, and the one he’d chosen had only been about three minutes, four minutes tops.

After it finished, they both sat in awkward silence for a beat or two before Link said “you can, uh… you can choose now if you want.”

“It’s okay, uh, if you’d like to pick one,” Rhett essentially repeated Link’s words back to him. “We can watch anything.”

“I already picked,” Link countered. Neither of them made a move toward the laptop, but finally Rhett sighed and leaned forward.

“Fine, I’ll pick one.” Rhett scrolled through the page without switching back to straight porn right away.

“You can switch back to straight stuff. I don’t care,” Link prodded. He didn’t want Rhett feeling like he had to make him comfortable. Link was only here as an observer, after all, even if anyone looking at the situation from the outside wouldn’t have thought so.

“It’s, uh… yeah, okay, I can do that,” Rhett said. He clicked back to the main site. “How about a compromise?” he asked, clicking on the bisexual category. “Maybe this could get us both off?” He leaned back in his seat, picking the first video that came up on the suggestions.

“Yeah, maybe,” Link said, a soft smile on his face. Rhett seemed like a considerate guy, more considerate than Link had realized at first. He genuinely seemed to want to make Link comfortable. But as the video continued, Rhett still made little move to touch himself, instead sitting there and watching. When he finally did wrap his hand around his cock, Link could feel Rhett’s gaze on him, and he wasn’t quite sure how to take it. It almost seemed like Rhett was trying to make sure the bisexual porn wasn’t too straight for Link’s tastes. For the record, it wasn’t… Link didn’t mind at all, especially if it was something Rhett could enjoy, too. But Rhett barely made an effort to even get himself all that hard, and Link didn’t want to be the first one to make a move, so they both sat there like they were daring the other to start.

After a few minutes, Rhett’s hands fell at his sides, palms up, and his thumb grazed against Link’s leg. Link froze in place. It was an accident, surely. There was no way Rhett meant to touch him. But then Rhett’s thumb moved, grazing against Link’s skin again, electric and seemingly intentional. Link looked down at Rhett’s hand, trying to see if he even knew he was touching him, and as he did, he saw Rhett lift his hand and move it closer to Link, this time resting half of his hand against Link’s leg.

Link didn’t know how much he was supposed to acknowledge what was happening, so he placed his hand down, overlapping Rhett’s but only barely touching it, like he’d accidentally set it beside him, just in case Rhett hadn’t meant to touch Link after all. But that only made Rhett bolder, causing him to place his hand fully on Link’s bare thigh. Link waited, taking several deep breaths before putting his hand on top of Rhett’s. If he didn’t make a move before the video was over, one of them would have to move to turn on another one, and he was sure whatever spell Rhett was under would be broken then. Part of him  _ wanted  _ to wait, to be certain Rhett wouldn’t have some sort of regret about this horribly misguided decision. The other part of Link didn’t want to bother. Rhett was attractive, and if this went horribly wrong, well, at least they only had the one class together. Rhett inched his hand up Link’s leg and Link wondered if this was how all “straight guys jack off together.” Then he wondered if it was a lie after all, a secret attempt to get Link there so he could try something.

Those questions didn’t need to be answered right in that moment, though. What needed to happen, Link decided, was for one of them to make a move. So with his hand on Rhett’s, he guided it, ever-so-slowly toward his crotch, making sure to stop a few inches away from his target, allowing Rhett to make the final move. Rhett did, sliding his hand over and grasping Link, slowly working him.  He moved his hand to Rhett’s leg, then inched it up, glancing out of the corner of his eye to make sure he was getting where he needed to go. Rhett was harder than Link expected, and as Link touched him, his cock twitched in Link’s hand as if jumping into it, easing into the expected touch. Link matched the pace Rhett was setting, both of them leaned back against the couch as their legs spread apart so their knees and feet touched, arms crossing each other. Rhett scooted closer to Link trying to get a more comfortable position, resting his elbow against Link. There wasn’t any romance in this, no move to get closer after that.

It was just hands, cocks, and movement, friction and low groans, pants and gasps, a quiet “oh, fuck,” sometimes, but nothing else. Link didn’t stop as long as Rhett didn’t, matching the pace stroke for stroke, slowing Rhett down once in a while by slowing down his own movements. The video they were watching ended and neither of them even attempted to start another one, allowing the screen to cycle through recommendations of what to watch next. Neither of them looked at each other, nor did they say anything. They just kept letting it happen, touching each other.

Link didn’t mind letting it happen, either. It was okay, he figured, okay to do this, okay to let Rhett lead, okay to go with the flow. He licked his lips. If he had his way, he’d move to give Rhett the best blowjob he’d ever had, but the thought of moving, of trying to change what they were doing, made Link worry he’d spook Rhett and make him flinch away. After all, hands were one thing, but mouths were quite another. And anyway, this felt nice.

Rhett picked up the pace on Link and it seemed like encouragement, some sort of silent clue he was getting close and wanted to finish, so Link sped up, too. He wondered what would happen when one of them came first, if Rhett would want to stop as soon as that happened and he realized what they were doing. And it seemed like Rhett was close, desperately close, ragged-breath-and-mumbling-curses close. “Fuck, yeah, oh gosh,” Rhett muttered. “Right there, that’s it,” he said, his hand slowing for a moment but his breathing indicating that Link shouldn’t slow down at all. Link pumped Rhett’s cock, feeling the breath heavy against him, gasps of air before a low groan as Rhett came hard over his own chest and stomach.

Link wouldn’t have blamed Rhett for stopping there. Rhett had gotten what he needed, after all, and Link was well-equipped to take care of himself back in his room if he needed to. But Rhett didn’t stop, not really. He took a moment to recover, then continued his hand movements. He said nothing, like he didn’t want to discuss the fact that Link had just made him come. Instead, he glanced around as if he expected someone to have shown up during his intense orgasm, and when he saw there was no one around, he leaned into Link’s lap.

It was obvious this was his first experience with this, but that was okay. Rhett’s hand didn’t stop so it took his mouth a moment to find Link, like he’d gone to take a sip of soda at the movies and the straw had moved on him, only he was the one moving it. He tongued at the tip of Link’s cock, his hand working furiously fast, and when he did take Link deeper, he didn’t go very deep at all. He didn’t have to, though. His hand and his lips, the warmth of his tongue, it was all doing what it needed to for Link. He was close, alarmingly close, pulling at Rhett’s hair to tug him off in time. “I’m gonna come, Rhett,” Link muttered, and Rhett backed off, moving his mouth away but not stopping his hand.

Link’s come pooled around Rhett’s fingers as the rest draped itself on Link’s skin up to the dips of his collarbones. Link leaned his head back, taking slow, steady breaths and trying to recover. “Gosh,” he muttered again. It was silent for a while, the two of them breathing and Link’s head spinning over what had just happened.

“I, uh… I don’t know why I did that,” Rhett finally confessed. Link turned to look at him, seeing the blush come over his face. He nodded slowly.

“It’s alright,” he reassured Rhett. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not weird?” Rhett asked, and Link could read the self-doubt written all over his face.

“Nah, it’s not weird,” Link shrugged. “It’s just, uh, you know… things happen.”

“Yeah,” Rhett said. “You’re not going to, uh…”

“It stays between us, man,” Link said.

“Thanks,” Rhett replied. “So uh, if you… you know… want to um… do this again sometime, I, um… my roommate isn’t always around.”

“Yeah, okay,” Link nodded, shifting to tug his underwear up and get dressed again. “Just text me?”

“I’ll text you,” Rhett said, meeting Link’s eyes for the first time in a while.


	2. Making It Weird

Rhett was dodging him. It was pretty obvious to Link when Rhett wasn’t in sociology on Wednesday, and he figured that Rhett wouldn’t even show up Friday, but he did. And he sat on the opposite side of the room, as far away from Link as possible. He glanced back once and Link started to wave, but thought better of it right as Rhett turned and focused on the professor without another look back to Link. They didn’t really sit next to each other, not usually. They were casual friends after all, not close friends, but Rhett didn’t usually go out of his way to sit  _ this  _ far from Link.

It was hard not to think it was pure avoidance, especially because even three days later, Link had absolutely no text from Rhett. Not even a “hey, can I get your notes for the Wednesday class that I missed?” Nothing. Radio silence on Rhett’s end. It was enough to tell Link that clearly he had regrets about what happened. Link wanted to text him, to tell him “it’s cool, we can pretend this never happened, let’s just stop being so  _ weird, _ ” but he realized that yeah, it was weird because now like 1/10th of their interactions were laced with this kind of need. You can’t recover a friendship that barely existed in the first place.

And Link couldn’t pinpoint why it bothered him. After all, he’d texted Rhett because he was disposable, a throwaway friend that Link could safely ask without worrying he’d lose the friendship. But for some reason, it  _ did  _ bug him. So Friday night, when his roommate went out to the bar, Link stayed back to study. He wasn’t in the mood to be lighthearted and happy, and besides, he needed to make up for the Art History class he’d missed anyway.   
  
  


**Rhett from Sociology**

 

Hey

Hey

My roommate’s gone tonight

Yeah?

Yeah  
You want to hang out?

 

Link wasn’t sure he wanted to respond to Rhett right away. Honestly, after three days of silence without so much as a hello, Link didn’t exactly want to give Rhett the satisfaction of replying to what seemed to be a booty text. But then part of him understood the sense of confusion and frustration, whatever must have led to Rhett avoiding him. And anyway, Link was bored and sick of studying already. He didn’t mind the thought of talking to Rhett again, or even watching porn with him again. He wasn’t the one avoiding Rhett after all. Rhett was dodging  _ him _ . And besides, if things went horribly wrong, they’d already basically washed their hands of each other anyway. Yeah, maybe in another universe it would have mattered, in another world they would have been closer friends, but in this one? They just… knew each other.

  
  
  


Okay

You buys now?  
*busy

 

On my way

 

Link wasn’t sure what to expect when he got to Rhett’s room. After all, Rhett had said “hanging out.” That could mean  _ anything.  _ Chilling and talking about class? Possible. Sitting in each other’s laps? Less probable, still within the realm of possibility. No expectations, Link figured. He’d go in with zero expectations and zero desires for how things might unfold. After all, that’s what this was. Nothing. Two guys who happened to watch porn together that one time.

He made a mental note that he still wasn’t positive if this was something straight guys typically did together, but after everything that happened with Rhett, he wasn’t about to ask any other straight guys he knew. Not when this was panning out how it was. Or perhaps it wasn’t panning out like anything, he reminded himself. It was what it was, porn and sloppy quick handjobs they didn’t really discuss after.

When Link arrived at Rhett’s dorm, though, Rhett was nowhere to be found. The door was wide open, the lights on, looking as tidy as dorm rooms ever seemed to look, but there wasn’t a sign of Rhett. Link stood outside the door, shifting nervously for a moment before Rhett appeared from the communal bathrooms across the hall. “Oh, hey, sorry.” He had a towel slung around his waist and used another to dry his hair. “I guess I didn’t realize you’d be here that fast.”

Link had texted “on my way,” so he wasn’t sure what was surprising to Rhett about him being there that quickly, but he stayed outside of the door anyway, assuming Rhett would want to get decent before inviting him in. Instead, Rhett looked at him and gestured. “You can come in, y’know. You don’t have to just stand there.” So, Link stepped inside, closing the door and turning to the wall to give Rhett privacy as he got dressed. Link looked at the pictures Rhett had taped up sloppily. Rhett with his arm around a girl’s waist, solo cup in hand. Rhett and a group of guys around a bonfire.

“Do you, like, live in this dorm or something?” Rhett asked, and Link glanced over to see him tugging boxers on, sliding them over the curve of his ass, tucking himself down the front.

“Yeah, I'm actually just on the fifth floor,” he answered, turning his gaze back toward the pictures on the wall, looking at Rhett kissing a different girl than in the first picture, somewhere on a beach, and then one with Rhett in a graduation cap, standing with a group of friends, gowns open to reveal boxers and nothing else.

“Oh, cool. I didn’t realize we were basically neighbors.”

“Yeah,” Link muttered, eyes focused on a picture of Rhett, holding a girl in his arms, ready to throw her into a river. Rhett approached him from behind.

“That’s my cousin,” Rhett offered up, standing too close to Link for comfort. “We used to go down to the Cape Fear River a lot back home.”

“Oh, no way,” Link said. “I used to hang out at the Cape Fear River, too.” He smiled and turned to face Rhett, and for a long while, Rhett didn’t step back to put any distance between them. They were only inches apart. “It’s crazy to think we hung out at the same river.”

“Yeah, can you imagine if we’d have been from the same town? Maybe we would have gone there together, been friends or somethin’,” Rhett said. “Oh, uh… I mean closer friends than, uh… you know?” He trailed off and let Link get the implication. Rhett clearly didn’t want to make it seem like they  _ weren’t  _ friends now, but the truth was, they really weren’t. Not in the sense that Link could picture them hanging out at the river, anyway. 

“Yeah, I know,” Link said. Rhett was still standing close to him, and he hadn’t put on a shirt. He was just standing there, breathing the same air as Link, shirtless, and for a moment Link wondered if this was a booty call just like he’d anticipated it was. Rhett looked down at Link, licking his lips, and Link took a small inhale. If he didn’t know any better, he’d assume Rhett was about to kiss him. But then, just as Link started to lean in like he might be taking the lead here, Rhett turned away, walking to a box of movies.

“You like Lord of the Rings?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s alright,” Link answered.

“Cool,” Rhett responded, popping the DVD in without another word. Link sat on the couch, uncomfortable and almost teetering on the edge like he wasn’t certain he should scoot back. After all, Rhett hadn’t even sat down yet. Instead, Rhett was up fiddling with popcorn, opening the microwave and jamming buttons. Link could hear the popping as the movie started, then the little ding as Rhett opened the microwave door.

Link wondered where Rhett might sit, if he’d be right next to Link and they’d end up in the same awkward situation they were in last time, but instead everything seemed oddly normal. Rhett plopped down on the couch a foot away, placing a bowl of popcorn between them and draping his legs over the arm of the couch. He laid his head next to the popcorn bowl and Link finally settled back on the couch. Rhett occasionally reached over his head to grab a handful of popcorn, and Link reached over to get some, too, figuring the distance was more than enough to indicate that Rhett wanted to erase what happened. This was a movie and popcorn, something simple, something  _ friends  _ did, nothing more. Neither of them mentioned what happened, and it seemed like that was for the best.

Rhett was downing popcorn like crazy, shoveling it into his mouth by the handful as Link picked at a few pieces nervously, putting them into his mouth one at a time. Rhett eyed Link over the popcorn bowl, tilting his head back against the seat of the couch trying to get a better look at him. “Dude, you can relax, okay? I’m not going to like, hit on you or somethin’,” Rhett said. Link sank further into the couch, trying his best to do what Rhett asked him to, to relax, but if he was being honest, being hit on by Rhett was the least of his worries. It was that this was  _ awkward,  _ this forced-friendship feeling after Rhett invited him to watch porn and basically gave him a blowjob. Then again, all of that was Link’s fault for even asking about porn in the first place. He wondered if Rhett thought he was coming onto him by even texting the initial question that started all of this.

So Link shifted awkwardly once again, and that prompted Rhett to perch on his elbows, looking at Link. “Seriously, man, are you okay?”

“What? Yeah, I’m fine,” Link answered, grabbing another piece of popcorn.

“Yeah, right. You’re actin’ weird,” Rhett said.

“I’m not acting weird, and anyway, how would you know how I act? We don’t even really hang out. Maybe this is me being completely normal. Maybe  _ you’re  _ weird,” Link shot back.

“Maybe I’m weird? Yeah, probably. Everybody’s weird in some way or another,” Rhett answered, sitting himself up all the way now. “And yeah, we don’t hang out, but I’m tryin’ to change that, aren’t I?” Rhett grabbed more popcorn, sinking into the other corner of the couch and distancing them further, his feet nudging the popcorn bowl instead of his head.

“Yeah,” Link muttered. For some strange reason, Rhett was insistent on being his friend. He figured it was a way to keep Link’s mouth shut, to keep secret the things that happened last time they spent time together, but this wasn’t helping matters. Link wasn’t going to say anything, and the way they were pretending they were friends felt weird. A few minutes passed and Link finally got the nerve up to say something. “You know I’m not going to say anything, right? Even if we don’t become friends or whatever, I’m not telling anybody.” He didn’t want Rhett feeling like he had to be his friend, feeling like Link might out him for what happened.

“Seriously, Link?” Rhett snapped, moving the empty popcorn bowl to the ground. “You think I invited you to hang out because I’m scared you might tell somebody I touched your dick? That’s fucking stupid, man.”

“I was just saying that if you don’t, uh… that we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Wow, Link. Cool. Sure, if you don’t want to be friends, don’t worry about it, I guess.” Rhett’s tone wasn’t just angry. The hurt broke through in a way Link didn’t expect.

“That’s not… that’s not what I meant,” Link sighed. “I’m not telling you I don’t want to be your friend.”  _ Great.  _ In trying to make everything less weird, Link had only made things worse. “You seem cool, Rhett. And yeah, you’re right, I think if we grew up in the same place, we’d probably be best friends by now or something. I just don’t want you thinking you have to force a friendship with me,” Link tried his hardest to clarify. “What happened happened and I’m not going to mess things up for you or make anything weird. That’s all I was saying. I was giving you a chance to not have to sit here and try to make all of this seem normal.”

“It  _ is  _ normal!” Rhett insisted. “You’re the only one of us makin’ it weird.”

“You’re right,” Link sighed, mentally kicking himself. Rhett was trying his hardest to make everything seem completely normal -- popcorn, a movie, sitting in normal spots on the couch like normal friends do -- and Link couldn’t get out of his own head. He tried to turn his attention back to the movie, but after everything he said, Rhett wasn’t having it. Instead, he stood up and flicked off the television.

“I want to be your friend, okay?” Rhett said. “I’ve wanted to hang out for a while but it seemed weird or I thought maybe you’d think I was comin’ onto you or somethin’ because yeah, I’ll admit it, I don’t really know how all that works, you know? Like how straight guys ask gay dudes to be their friends without it seeming like a date or whatever. But you seem cool. You seem like the sort of guy I could be friends with. And now you’re making me feel like you aren’t into it, so whatever man. I don’t want to force it.”

“Rhett,” Link cautioned, “I want to be your friend. I really do. But the thing is, you could’ve just said that. I don’t automatically think when a guy asks if I want to hang out and watch a movie or play some pool or something that he wants to get in bed with me, especially if he’s straight. But this… this is weird after that, like sitting here on this couch I’m not supposed to think about it and not supposed to assume that what happened isn’t why you invited me to hang out tonight.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Rhett answered. “I do. But that’s not why, okay?”

“Okay,” Link said.

“I think the Boxcar’s still open,” Rhett said, grabbing a shirt and tugging it on. “You wanna go?”

Link shrugged and followed Rhett out the door because Rhett didn’t give him time to properly answer. Obviously hanging out in Rhett’s dorm wasn’t working, so Link hoped some beers and pinball would settle everything down and ease the tension between them once and for all.

But Rhett was far more competitive than Link anticipated, finding machines side-by-side and pressing quarters into the machine he sat at. Link sat down at the one beside him, placing a quarter in and mustering the coordination to get a decent score. Rhett glanced over at the points Link was racking up, then at his own, and that distraction alone made him lose his final ball between the two paddles at the bottom of the machine. “Dang it!” he grumbled, taking a swig of his beer. “Next game, I’m kicking your ass, Link. I think you got an easier machine, man.”

“Easy?!” Link laughed, incredulous. “I’m just focused on the game and not staring at your lame score while I’m playing.” Link rolled his eyes, losing his game and taking a drink.

“Fine. We’ll play again. I’ll go on your machine and you can prove it’s skill and not an easy machine. Loser buys the next round,” Rhett challenged, “unless you’re gonna be a little bitch and stay on your machine.” Rhett chugged the last half of his beer and Link stood up, bending over so his eyes were level with Rhett’s before Rhett could stand.

“You’re on,” he said, moving his drink to the machine that was now his. Perhaps it was luck, maybe it was skill, and there may have been something to do with Rhett’s overconfidence in the machine being easy. Hell, maybe it boiled down to the way Link sipped his beer instead of guzzling it like Rhett had. Regardless, Link won with ease.

“Whoa,” Rhett said, staring at the score on Link’s machine as the points continued to tally, long after he’d lost his final ball. “Guess it’s my turn to buy drinks, then. You want more beer or are you into, uh… I don’t know, what do you drink?”

“Beer’s fine,” Link laughed, intentionally losing the game and turning toward Rhett. “You know we’re not all a stereotype, right?”

“Damn, Link, I wasn’t asking if you wanted a beer or a sex on the beach. I was asking if you wanted beer or you wanted to go harder than that, because right now my only shot at winning a game is to get a few shots in you.” He poked Link in the ribs and Link squirmed away from the touch.

“In that case,” Link said, his voice darkening to meet Rhett’s animated energy, “shots it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next Monday!


	3. Last Night

Rhett turned and mumbled, confused and half asleep as he looked at Link. “I thought it was a dream.” He didn’t sound disappointed that it wasn’t a dream, just stunned, and he pulled Link closer to him. “I’m still tired,” he muttered, rolling over and pinning Link under his arm as he started to breathe heavily. At this point, Link couldn’t move, so if he’d wanted to leave before Rhett could wake up confused again, it wasn’t exactly an option. Instead, he laid there, pressed against Rhett’s body, feeling his even breaths against his neck.

When Rhett finally did wake again, it started with pulling Link closer again, mumbling “you’re still here,” as he nuzzled into Link’s neck. “What happened last night?” he asked hazily. Link didn’t have much memory of it himself, pretty solidly smashed under the rum shots Rhett had bought a few rounds of as their pinball playing got progressively worse under the alcohol. 

Link did remember one thing very clearly before things got fuzzier. At one point, Rhett gave up trying to be good at pinball and wrapped his arms around Link’s waist, watching him play until his lips were on Link’s neck and he was asking Link to leave with him. Link remembered clearly that he followed, all of his balls lost between the paddles with the distraction and all of his resistance to potentially ruining his budding friendship with Rhett gone, lost in the rum somewhere along the line.

Link could remember enough, though, could remember some of what happened after they left the pinball-themed dive and headed back to Rhett’s room. Enough that if he had to, he could fill in the gaps for Rhett, but he didn’t know what Rhett remembered, or how much Rhett would believe that he’d been the one to goad it on, not Link.

 

_ “You know straight guys can just be friends with gay guys, right?” Rhett asked, pulling Link closer as he pressed him against a wall outside of the dorms, slipping his hands up Link’s shirt. _

_ “Yeah, I know,” Link sighed, pulling Rhett back into a kiss again. “I’ve got straight friends, Rhett.” _

_ “Just checkin’,” Rhett answered, his lips making their way to Link’s neck. He tugged at Link’s leg, hooking it around himself. _

_ “Let’s go to your room first,” Link mumbled, stumbling aside and grasping Rhett’s arm in an effort to stay upright. Grabbing a drunk guy to keep from falling over wasn’t the best plan, since it caused Rhett to stumble after him. They were tipsy and past the limit of good decisions toward Rhett’s dorm. Rhett fumbled with the door, the key, then tugged Link inside until they were toppling over each other onto the floor of Rhett’s room. “This is such a bad idea,” Link said, his body pressed on top of Rhett’s if only because they were too drunk to stay upright. _

_ “Maybe, maybe not,” Rhett answered, shifting against Link enough that Link could feel how hard he was getting. “Maybe it’s a good idea.” _

_ “Rum doesn’t usually make for good ideas,” Link muttered, rucking Rhett’s shirt up and straddling him on the floor, kissing down his body. “Rum usually makes for really, really bad choices.” _

_ “Don’t care,” Rhett said, moving until they tumbled over and he had Link pinned. “This is still a good one.” He kissed Link again, sliding his hand down Link’s pants and feeling his hard length. “You think it’s a good idea, too, don’t you?” He asked, giving Link a gentle squeeze and stroking him as best as he could with the limited range Link’s pants allowed him. _

_ “I’m not sayin’ it’s a bad idea for me. I’m just sayin’ you might regret this later if we do it.” It didn’t stop Link from fumbling to unfasten his jeans and give Rhett more room, even if he knew it was a situation that would only cause future regret. _

_ “Maybe I just needed the courage to ask,” Rhett countered, biting at Link’s jaw. _

 

Link remembered that most of the situation, how things had gone down, was against either of their better judgment. Hooking up wasn’t exactly the most reasonable idea on the planet, not when Rhett was straight and clearly very confused, and hooking up drunk was even worse. But Rhett insisted, practically begged, and Link was just as drunk, unable to pass up the opportunity. Rhett was handsome, stunningly so, and for some reason, he was irresistible, potentially because he was so very off-limits.

 

_ “I know how you look at me.” _

_ “How I look at you?” Link asked. He’d tried hard not to look at Rhett, making a point not to try to let on how attracted he was. He had plenty of gay guys to talk to, so preying on straight guys wasn’t his style. Sure, he’d be with a straight guy if that guy expressed interest because as it turned out, sexuality was more flexible than most people thought and so many so-called straight guys had secrets. But Rhett wasn’t one of those guys. _

_ “I mean you think I’m cute, don’t you?” Rhett asked. Then he pulled back, suddenly insecure like he’d been misreading Link all along. “Fuck, do you not?” _

_ “I do,” Link answered. “You’re really hot. I thought you wanted us to be friends, though.” Link tugged Rhett’s shirt off, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside. _

_ “Friends can make out,” Rhett said, kissing his way down Link’s body. “I wanna make out,” he plead sleepily, alcohol coursing through his veins and slowly taking over his will to take things further. _

_ “Let’s go to the couch first,” Link insisted, shifting so fast he almost knocked Rhett off of him. The couch seemed better than the hard floor beneath them, the cheap dorm carpeting grating on his skin. Rhett didn’t need to be asked twice, stumbling across the room, headed toward the bed instead of the couch. He didn’t let go of Link’s hand, like if he did Link might disappear into thin air. _

 

“What do you remember?” Link asked Rhett, who was still trying to wake up.

“I remember, uh… I remember going to play pinball,” he recounted to Link. Link worried then, worried he didn’t remember enough to know that Link hadn’t initiated this. “I remember… I remember wanting you to come back here. I remember… I know why I wanted you to come over…”

 

_ “Remember that video you showed me?” Rhett asked. “The one about the straight guy…” _

_ “He wasn’t straight,” Link clarified. “It’s just a title.” The internet was filled with videos of guys turning their straight friends or coaxing a handjob or blowjob or even full-on sex out of their straight buddies. Hell, even porn stars in the gay porn industry would insist they’d never been gay, just gay-for-pay, but Link knew better than to believe most of them. But Rhett seemed to take the video title at face value, this idea that straight guys could casually fuck their gay friends and it say nothing about them. _

_ “Don’t care. You know what video I mean, right?” Rhett pressed. “I want you to do that…” he mumbled. _

_ “You want to use me like a sex toy?” Link asked, trying to recall the video name. _

_ “Nah, want you to use me like that…” Rhett muttered. “Want to feel you…” he sighed. His eyes were droopy and Link was willing to bet with the right level of intoxication, they’d be able to do just that. But Rhett had gone too far in his quest to get the courage to ask, and Link was losing him fast. _

_ “We can do that,” Link agreed, pulling Rhett into a kiss. He could feel Rhett hard against his leg, could feel how Rhett ground against him, begging without words, whimpering for the contact. “Not right now, though.” _

_ “Why not?” Rhett protested, tugging his pants down. “You can do it now if you wanna. I’ll roll over…” _

_ “You’re tired,” Link answered, matter-of-factly. “I can still get you off, though. Don’t move.” Link propped Rhett up on pillows and scooted down the bed between his legs. “This okay?” He asked. _

_ “Yeah, that’s… yeah,” Rhett answered lazily. He twined his fingers in Link’s hair as Link’s mouth sought his cock. He held it, guiding Link onto it. Link gave it his all, taking Rhett deep and pressing him to the roof of his mouth with his tongue. He used his tongue and hands in tandem to get Rhett going, making sure he gave every part of Rhett plenty of attention. Rhett hadn’t experienced sensations like this before. “Oh gosh,” Rhett mumbled, feeling as Link teased his tongue against a specific spot that left Rhett writhing on the sheets and tugging at his hair. “Don’t, oh… oh yeah… right there, that’s…” Link could feel the arch in Rhett’s back, how he shifted as Link got closer and closer. He reached his hands up, looking for Rhett’s mouth and sliding a finger into it. Rhett sucked on Link’s finger like his life depended on it, slicking it and sloppily slobbering on it like Link was getting some kind of sexual gratification from this. Instead, Link pulled his hand back down, pressing the slick finger against Rhett’s entrance. Just the thought, the suggestion and pressure, the idea that Link might go there did it for Rhett before he could even get inside. Rhett groaned deeply, spilling into Link’s mouth without much warning. _

 

“I remember that I didn’t want you to leave,” Rhett recounted. “I’m pretty sure I said you could stay.”

“Yeah,” Link agreed. He remembered that, too.

 

_ Link could tell Rhett was exhausted. He knew he wasn’t going to get any kind of reciprocation from Rhett, not right then, but that was okay. “You should sleep,” Link said, rolling Rhett onto his side as he moved to get off the bed. _

_ “Stay?” Rhett asked. There was something that told Link Rhett was sure to regret asking him to stay in the morning. Straight guys who loosened up with alcohol usually wanted the evidence of drunken mistakes to disappear before morning. But Rhett pulled him back down, kissing him and holding him close. Link couldn’t say no to that, feeling the curve of Rhett’s body press against him as he turned like he wanted to be spooned. Link curled his body around Rhett, draping an arm over him protectively. If nothing else, at least he’d be there to make sure Rhett didn’t choke on his own puke in his sleep. _

 

“Do you want me to leave now?” Link asked. “I can get you some Advil or something and then head out.”

“My roommate’s still gone,” Rhett answered. It didn’t directly speak to Link’s question, but at the same time, it absolutely did.


	4. Spaghetti

**Rhett from Sociology**

 

Hey

Hi

Link???

Dude, seriously, I’m sorry

  
  


To Rhett’s credit, he’d been trying to talk to Link for days, but Link wasn’t in the mood to talk. At first it was anger and frustration, some sort of embarrassment that he’d fallen for Rhett’s games, but all of that had faded now. Now, Link was numb to it, but he also wasn’t going out of his way to be Rhett’s friend. They clearly had very different ideas of what that friendship meant. For Rhett, it obviously meant a way to explore some curiosities he had and then lie about that the second anyone pressed him on it.

And the thing is, Link would have been fine with that if it had been literally anyone else in the world. But Rhett was pretending this was some sort of friendship when it wasn’t. Rhett didn’t go into this like most guys, the way most of them would have started off like “hey, can we hook up and keep it quiet?” from the get-go. He put it out there to Link with this pretense of friendship, of them actually having some sort of non-sexual bond. And that only made it worse… it wasn’t  _ just  _ sex. They’d actually hung out, played video games and pinball, hell, they’d had a damn tickle fight. They passed friends-with-benefits straight into feeling almost relationshippy, and Link wasn’t in the mood to get jerked around by a straight guy who couldn’t make up his mind about what he wanted.

But as Rhett’s texts got increasingly desperate, increasingly worried, Link felt like he had to answer. He genuinely seemed apologetic. It wasn’t like Link didn’t understand what struggling with his sexuality felt like. He’d been there, the closeted kid in high school who tried to figure himself out in college. But Rhett didn’t seem to be struggling with his sexuality. No, he seemed certain of it… in Rhett’s mind, he was straight, until no one was around, at which point he became straight-but-flexible.

  
  
  


Yeah, got it

Want to do the group project with me?

Honestly?

Not really

Nothing against you. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.

I get it.

I’m sorry I pissed you off

It’s just that I didn’t know what to tell him

Yeah, I got that loud and clear

What did you want me to say?

Link?

  
  


Link couldn’t seem to gather the ability to reply. It seemed absolutely unreasonable to request Rhett tell the truth, even though he knew how much it could fuck things up for him, especially if this was just a dumb experiment for him. And it wasn’t fair to himself to say that what Rhett did was completely fine, and he should feel free to not ever acknowledge that they’d done anything. Instead, Link opted not to respond at all, despite Rhett continuing to try to text him.

It wasn’t until sociology on Friday that Link didn’t have a choice but to talk to Rhett, mostly because even though he slowly packed his bag, doing his best to let Rhett get as far away from the classroom as possible, he ran right into Rhett waiting for him outside of the door. He tugged Link aside, around a corridor to the stairwell no one seemed to use. “Talk to me,” he insisted. 

“What do you want me to say, Rhett?”

“Say we can be friends? Say you’re pissed off at me? Say whatever you’re gonna say and get it over with?”

“You know what, Rhett? I took your word for it that you were straight as an arrow and I thought this was going to be a cool friendship. But the more I spend time with you, the more I’m pretty sure you’re as straight as spaghetti,” Link answered. He turned to walk away.

“I don’t get it!” Rhett rushed after him, but Link kept walking. “Link!”

“Think about it.”

Rhett did think about it. All evening he thought about it. Spaghetti noodles  _ were  _ straight. That was the whole point of them. Arrows, spaghetti noodles, both generally straight things. If Link was somehow implying Rhett wasn’t straight, he should have picked another pasta, rotini perhaps, but it didn’t matter. Rhett believed his arrow analogy still stood and he was thoroughly confused over what Link was getting at.

It wasn’t like he could ask any of his friends, either. “Hey, Ben, what the fuck does ‘straight as spaghetti’ mean?” would be impossible to explain. Instead, it ate at him, nagging through his dinner, which happened to be spaghetti, slopped angrily onto his plate at dinner because what else was he going to eat, a salad? He picked at it, twirling the noodles around his fork and questioning what Link could have meant.

It wasn’t until around four in the morning that it hit him, knocking him out of the early stages of broken sleep. He pulled his phone out and squinted his eyes at the screen, too bright in the dark room even on it’s dimmest setting, scrolling to find the conversation with Link.

 

**Link/Soc Class**

 

I get it now

I think anyway

Get what?

Spaghetti’s not straight

I mean it is

But then it isn’t

Wow, took you awhile

It’s like 4:30 in the morning

Sorry

You didn’t deny it

Deny what?

That you’re only straight until I get you hot and wet

Night, Link

Still not a denial ;)   
  


 

Link wasn’t positive why he added the flirty wink onto the end. If he was being honest with himself, it was because he caught Rhett. Rhett didn’t deny that maybe, just maybe, there was a fluidity to the straightness he presented, that under a specific set of circumstances, he might not be as straight as he believed he was.

But Link also knew there was a beauty in the banter, that he and Rhett genuinely did have fun laughing together, so he hoped this text brought a snort or chuckle and not an eye roll or sudden confusion. Link would have kept texting Rhett, made sure he felt okay with the text Link sent, but it was ridiculously, impossibly late and Rhett had woken him with the text messages as it was. Instead, phone in hand, Link dozed off and completely missed Rhett’s response.

  
  
  


**Rhett from Sociology**

You think I’m not straight?

Link?

Is it because of the porn thing because that’s not what it seems like

And the other time I was drunk so that doesn’t count either

Link???

Fine. Night.

But seriously, does that count? Do you really think I’m not straight?

  
  


Link didn’t read the texts until morning, and the way it sounded, they were getting increasingly desperate and almost terrified. Already late for his first class thanks to Rhett’s late-night need to talk, Link decided his best bet at reassuring Rhett was to stop by his room. Of course, he couldn’t be positive Rhett would even be there, and he definitely couldn’t be sure Rhett’s roommate wasn’t. He wasn’t about to out him, though. He had a plan. Link would agree to do the group project with Rhett and that way, he’d simply be swinging by to talk about it. Rhett was obviously in a weird place, and as much as Link hated being responsible for Rhett’s conflicted emotional needs, he wasn’t going to leave him stuck in this. Link had only meant it as a half-assed jab over him jerking Link around, so if it took agreeing to do the stupid project to make sure Rhett didn’t tear himself apart, then that’s exactly what he’d do.

But knocking on Rhett’s door did nothing. There was no trace of him, so Link started to slink back toward his room. No point in going to his class when he was this late, so at least he could study or take a nap. He was halfway up the hallway toward the elevators when he heard the door open behind him, then heard a stumble. “Link?” He turned to look, seeing Rhett tug on the other leg of his pants, half-dressed. “Hold up a second.”

“I just wanted to talk about our group project,” Link said, loudly enough that if Rhett’s roommate were still in the room, he might hear.

“But you said--”

“Rhett, I swear to god if you try to cut me out of your group, I’m going to be pissed. I need your help or I’m going to fail!” Link wasn’t sure why he was trying this hard to cover for Rhett when Rhett clearly didn’t act like he even caught on in the first place, but he was. Chalk it up to Link’s own fears of being outed when he was in high school, or chalk it up to a stupid need to protect the bumbling so-called straight idiot in front of him.

That was enough to make Rhett catch on. “Can we talk about the group project in your room, then?” he asked, making it obvious his room wasn’t a safe place to talk about this.

“Yeah, alright,” Link shrugged. His own roommate was gone, so for the first time ever, he led Rhett to his own room. Neither of them made an effort to talk, and Link assumed that was because anything Rhett wanted to know, he couldn’t ask where someone might overhear. It wasn’t until Link closed the door behind them that the floodgates opened.

“Seriously, Link, do you really think I’m not straight? Is it because we messed around? Because it’s just college, man, that’s what people do and it doesn’t mean I’m not--”

Link cut Rhett off with a kiss, pressing his lips to Rhett’s, and the reaction said everything it needed to. Rhett stopped trying to talk, instead parting his lips and slipping his hands around Link’s waist instinctively. His fingers toyed with the hemline on the back of Link’s shirt and his fingers found their way underneath it. He stepped forward, pulling their bodies closer, and when Link worked his tongue into Rhett’s mouth, Rhett moaned ever-so-slightly. Link broke the kiss hesitantly, but neither of them took a step back.

“It isn’t that you’re not straight if you mess around with a guy,” Link said. “But it  _ is  _ not-straight if you like it when you do.”

Rhett didn’t have to confirm or deny if he liked it. His response to Link said everything either of them needed to know. Rhett threw his hands in the air. “Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?” he asked, then he slumped onto Link’s couch, burying his face in his hands. “This can’t be happening. I can’t believe this is happening,” he mumbled to himself. Link sat down next to him and smoothed his hand over Rhett’s back, doing his best to soothe him and calm him down. Rhett literally shook over the thought.

Link didn’t know why Rhett was as averse as he was to the possibility he might not be straight, but he could imagine a few of the reasons hit closer to home than he wanted to think about.

“I have… I have to go to class,” Rhett finally said, clearing his throat and trying to make it look like he hadn’t been crying. “Can you please just not… uh… just don’t tell anybody, okay?”

“It’s between us,” Link offered. “After all, you said it yourself. Spaghetti  _ is  _ straight. There’s nothing to tell.” Link hated the fact that Rhett couldn’t admit this to himself, at least allow himself to know that he might have some sort of feelings for a guy, even if they were purely physical. But pushing Rhett would only lead to Rhett feeling worse about everything. He left it as it was, hoping Rhett would cling to the olive branch Link extended.

“Yeah, at least until it’s hot and wet,” Rhett mumbled. “See you in class?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, love, and light to @mythical-trash, @fanbabble, and @clemwasjustagirl. They keep me sane.


	5. Passing

Rhett slumped down in the seat next to Link, ten minutes late and completely disheveled. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a day or two, and he also glared around him like this wasn’t his choice of seat. Since he’d come so late, it was the only one available.

Link scribbled a note on his paper and slid it to the edge of the table.

_ You okay? _

Rhett glanced at the note and ignored it, acting like he hadn’t seen it. Link almost felt ridiculous for even asking. He clearly wasn’t okay. It felt like maybe he’d taken the wrong route by asking, like maybe he should have waited for Rhett to initiate. It wasn’t until after he’d written the note that he realized Rhett sitting by him wasn’t acceptance of everything… it was the only option he had. Link kicked himself and started to pull it back before Rhett put his hand on it. He pulled out a paper of his own.

_ Fine. Can we study this week? I’m so fucked on this test. _

Link was hesitant to say yes. Being alone with Rhett in the state he was in? It felt like he’d only be making everything worse. But Link gave a small nod and scrawled out

_ Tomorrow? 8pm. My room. _

Rhett copied that down on his own paper and tucked it in his book, then despite how fucked he said he was on the test, he picked up his books and walked out of the room mid-lecture.

* * *

Link wiped his palms on his jeans and looked at the ottoman in front of his couch. He’d set out his textbook and notes, along with some gatorades and a bowl of chips. It seemed to him like he was being a little bit  _ too  _ extra, but he wasn’t sure what to do to make Rhett feel comfortable, to convey the message that Link knew this was studying, nothing else, and that he was prepared to make Rhett feel as comfortable as possible, too.

He glanced at his phone. It was 8:37 and Rhett still hadn’t shown up. Link would feel stood up if he didn’t half-expect that Rhett wasn’t going to come anyway. After all, why would he? He was confused and shaken, clearly, and in class he hadn’t exactly seemed himself. But the more classes he missed, the more it seemed he probably  _ did  _ need Link’s help, and that’s why Link was prepared anyway. He rested the bowl of chips on his stomach, eating a few handfuls. If he didn’t stop himself, he’d have to refill it before Rhett came, but then he wondered why he should bother? Rhett wasn’t coming.

But he did show up, knocking on Link’s door at 9:03, over an hour late for their planned study session with a girl on his arm. “Hey, McKayla’s in the class, too. She’s gonna study with us, k?” Link nodded and let them both in, raising an eyebrow. A warning would have been nice, he thought. He reached into the mini-fridge in his room and grabbed an extra bottle of gatorade.

“Alright, so… studying. What’s sticking you?” Link asked, flopping down on the couch. He expected McKayla to sit next to him, for Rhett to put as much distance between them as possible, but instead Rhett sat down next to Link and tugged McKayla down beside him. She hung on him, kissing his shoulder when Rhett would lean forward to grab some chips, and a few times as Link explained a concept Rhett had a question about, he’d look over to see them kissing, paying no mind to the answer he was trying to give them. “And that’s why I think it should be perfectly legal for the aliens to abduct us, take us to Uranus, and probe us in the name of science.” Nothing. They didn’t look up, acknowledge the weird things he’d said just to get their attention again. He was the third wheel in his own room. “If Scotland can choose unicorns as their national animal, then it makes sense that our school should be able to sell ice cream with rainbow sprinkles in the cafeteria. I’m thinking of making a petition.” Still crickets. They weren’t kissing now, but she was playing with his hair.

Link didn’t feel especially jealous of her. He did, but he didn’t. He acknowledged that whatever Rhett was working through was complicated, and that it might take him a few interesting places along the journey. What bothered him was that Rhett had used the guise of a study session to send a very clear message to Link: I’m straight, don’t question this. “K, well, if you two don’t need me, I guess I’m going to head to bed, then. Enjoy the snacks,” Link said, snapping his textbook closed and standing up.

“Wait,” Rhett said, reaching to grab Link’s wrist.  _ He just had to say it, he didn’t have to touch me,  _ Link thought, but then shoved the feelings side of his brain out of the way and sat back down.

“What?”

“Can you, uh, can you go over this with me one more time?” Rhett asked, opening the book again. McKayla rolled her eyes.

“I’m kind of bored,” she said, only seconds into the actual studying part of the evening, after an hour of sitting here and basically ignoring Link. “I think I’m going to go out. Rhett, baby, you coming?”

“I, uh… you know I would,” he offered to her, taking her hand. “I’m just super behind on this work. Next time? Call me tomorrow,” he said, pulling her into a kiss. He glanced sympathetically toward Link.

“Fine. Suit yourself,” she rolled her eyes again and walked out the door, closing it hard behind her. Clearly studying hadn’t been her first choice of how to spend the evening, which was probably why they’d been so late.

“She seems… nice,” Link said, trying to squelch any sarcasm before it accidentally dripped out of his mouth.

“She’s alright,” Rhett said. “She, uh… we’ve been kind of dating for a while? A little on and off, I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“So, girlfriend, then? Not hard to guess, the way your tongue was down her throat while we were supposed to be studying,” Link chuckled, but it was obvious that neither of them thought it was that funny.

“Yeah. Girlfriend,” Rhett said. Then he reached over, closed Link’s textbook, and cupped his chin, drawing him into a kiss. It didn’t take long for him to be pulling Link onto him, closer than McKayla had been all evening, and for his lips to make their way down Link’s jawline. It was clear he hadn’t wanted to study now, either, that the message he was sending at the moment was very different than the one he’d been sending ten minutes ago. Rhett still tasted like McKayla’s chapstick, but Link wasn’t paying attention to that. He was focused on how hard Rhett was underneath his hips, and the needy whimpers coming from his kisses. Whatever this was, it was really, really complicated, and Link knew he should probably stop Rhett, talk about this, figure out where he was. But when Rhett’s fingers reached Link’s shirt hem and pulled the shirt up over his head, Link obediently raised his arms up instead of asking Rhett to stop for a second.

As soon as his shirt was off, though, as soon as he felt Rhett kiss his chest, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He didn’t need this shit. He ground down on Rhett one more time, feeling how hard he was and feeling how obvious it was that Rhett wasn’t as straight as he wanted to pretend to be right now. Rhett was leaning hard into trying to prove his heterosexuality. If he wasn’t, he would have had the balls to show up to study by himself. But he didn’t, and Link didn’t need the hot and cold games Rhett was playing or the way Rhett would dangle a girl in front of him saying he’d openly be with her, his girlfriend, but the second she was gone, he’d be all over Link. Just because Link understood the confusion going on in Rhett’s brain, the desperate measures that led him here and the fears that must be driving his every move, it didn’t mean he had to play along. There were many things Link could be: accepting, open, intelligent, anxious… but the one thing he wasn’t, was desperate.

He backed off of Rhett, standing and reaching for his shirt. “You need to leave now.”

“What?” Rhett furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Why?”

“Do I seriously have to explain it, Rhett? Because your girlfriend is sure that you’re here studying even though you could be getting head in the dark corner of a bar right now because you’re that behind in class. And trust me, you  _ could  _ be getting head from her. She was making that very clear the whole time she was practically in your lap earlier. And also it’s because you’re so sure that you’re soooo straight, which… fine. You can keep thinking that. But it’s mostly because I’m sure that I’m not desperate enough to let a straight guy bring his girlfriend to my place, then let her leave so he can get it on with me. I have better offers.” Link glanced to the door, and when Rhett failed to move, Link walked to it. “I’m serious.”

For about a week after that, Link saw them together constantly. At dinner, in class, in the hallways of whatever building they happened to have class in next. He had no choice but to smirk and shake his head to himself. Whatever was happening in Rhett’s mind was something else for sure.

Link had dealt with some issues when he’d come out. Most of it was family and friend stuff-- a father and grandparents who weren’t exactly accepting, a push out of the church he’d grown up in, and losing a few friends who simply didn’t understand that just because he was gay didn’t mean he was going to pursue them. Less of his journey was internal. For Link, he’d simply always sort of known there was something different about him. When everyone else was getting excited about first kisses and first dances, feeling sweaty-palmed holding hands with girls, Link went through the motions, doing what he was supposed to and wondering if it would ever feel right. The first time he had a crush on someone, a cool boy from his neighborhood who would make him tapes of music his mother never would have let him listen to, it clicked into place. Link hadn’t felt the same feelings everyone else described to him about girls, because he wasn’t into girls at all. But despite his upbringing and knowing that so many people wouldn’t have been okay with him being gay, Link never really second-guessed it. It was as much a part of him as the fact that he had two eyes and two ears and a nose. Link was a guy. Link liked other guys. Link was gay. In his mind, it had been relatively simple.

But Rhett? Rhett was struggling, and Link could tell. It took everything he had in him not to run up to Rhett and tell him “you can do this! You can like guys! Hell, you can like girls  _ and  _ guys! Just stop lying to yourself!” The fact that Rhett got aroused so easily at the slightest touches from Link made it clear this wasn’t just a curious guy, exploring once or twice. His interest was obvious and eventually, Rhett would either have to confront it head-on or bury it deep inside of himself. In fact, Link still wondered if Rhett’s openness in responding to his text the first time was more about Rhett jumping on the first opportunity he had to test the waters. What Rhett hadn’t anticipated, Link figured, was how he’d ended up diving in head first. Now, Rhett was drowning in it, drowning in the emotions that came along with self-acceptance when you weren’t sure you  _ wanted  _ to accept something about yourself.

So Link kept his distance. He didn’t even attempt to text Rhett about class. It wasn’t worth it. Besides, he’d been honest with Rhett when he said he had better offers, and for as long as Rhett felt like doing what he was doing, hooking up with McKayla, Link didn’t need or want to try to have a repeat of anything they’d done together, or worse, go further. Instead, he busied himself with nights out and study sessions in, buckling down on his school work and grinding down on a guy from his math class, Chase. What he didn’t do was worry about Rhett’s love life anymore. It wasn’t his problem.


	6. Damsel

Link’s focus was completely on the cock in front of him, his lips wrapping around it, eliciting moans. He could feel fingers tangling in his hair, could sense the need and lust there. Precome coated his tongue, the salty stickiness giving him what he needed to bob his head, tongue slick against skin, his hand taking over once in a while as he caught his breath.

“Fuck.” The groan only made Link work harder, glancing up at Chase as he tried to take him deeper. “Yeah, that’s nice,” Chase said, and Link flicked his tongue over the same spot again, trying to get another reaction from him. Link felt his phone buzz in his back pocket, but ignored it as he worked Chase’s cock harder, faster, better than he’d been doing. His phone buzzed again, then again, and for a moment he wondered if his mom was calling instead of it being a text.

He pulled off of Chase, leaning back and reaching into his pocket, pulling out his phone. His mom wasn’t calling him, it turned out, and instead he found five texts from Rhett. He turned off the screen and shoved his phone back into his pocket. “Everything cool?” Chase asked.

“Yeah, just study group stuff, sorry.” He leaned back down, stroking Chase while getting up close and personal with his balls, licking and slurping at them as Chase bucked his hips again. Link knew he was good, and he let his cockiness there, pun intended, carry him. He smiled at his own mental joke, burying his face between Chase’s legs, getting between them while his hand did the heavy duty work. His phone buzzed again.

“Seriously?” Chase asked, watching as Link backed off again to check his phone. It was another three texts from Rhett. He couldn’t see them all, but he could see a few.  **Help. Seriously, please help. It’s an emergency.**

“Fuck, I gotta go,” Link said, opening the texts.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Chase said, leaning back in his chair and burying his face in his hands, then gesturing toward his obnoxiously hard state. “You’re leaving me here like this? Really?”

“Friend in crisis,” Link muttered, scrambling to his feet.

“I swear to God, if this is the straight one that is leading you on…” Chase trailed off, his hand taking care of what Link’s wasn’t.

“It sounds like something different this time. He said it’s an emergency,” Link answered, scrolling through the texts, reading things saying  _ please, I don’t know what to do.  _ He sounded genuinely freaked out.

“Yeah, an emergency like needing to hook up with you and then be all ‘oh no, I’m so straight’ five minutes later,” Chase said. Link hadn’t told Chase who he was, hadn’t clued him in to Rhett’s identity. The last thing he wanted was to out him. But he had needed advice and an opinion, so, redacting the name and any identifying details, he’d explained how on-again-off-again Rhett seemed.

“Oh, yeah, because you weren’t passing when I met you,” Link said, rolling his eyes at what Chase had said.

“It’s not the same thing, Link. You knew I was bi. It’s one thing to date a woman and then after that ends, hook up with you. It’s another to try to convince you I’m straight while I’ve got my mouth all over your cock.” That was the one beef Chase had with Link, the ridiculous biphobia. It was hard enough dealing with straight people not getting that Chase could be with men and women. It was a totally different thing when he was hearing it from a gay guy, someone who should have understood sexual identity and it’s nuances a little more. But it seemed like for women, Chase wasn’t quite straight enough, and now Link seemed to think he was just a gay who could pass as straight when he wanted to.

“Still, you know? Maybe he’s bi or whatever. That’s not really the point, though. He’s clearly going through some shit.” Link’s phone buzzed again.  **_I seriously fucked up._ ** “I’ll see you later.”

Chase sighed and threw his hands in the air. “Fine. Go fuck the straight kid. Good luck with that shit.”

* * *

Working it out over text clearly wasn’t an option, with Rhett telling Link he had to come over so Rhett could explain. They hadn’t talked in days, and the one time Link had texted asking a question about class, it had gone unanswered. But now that Rhett needed him, text wasn’t enough, and Link found himself knocking on Rhett’s door.

It was the last thing he wanted. Not that he didn’t want to help Rhett, but that after days of being totally ghosted, the last thing he wanted was to wind up in any sort of precarious situations.

“Oh thank god,” Rhett said, swinging the door open, looking around to make sure it was just Link, and then closing the door behind him, leaning against it to keep even his roommate from coming in.

“Got your texts. Sounded like maybe someone was dying. I have to tell you, man, disposing of bodies isn’t my strong suit so--”

“This is  _ serious!”  _ Rhett stopped him, not at all amused by his joke. “I screwed up big time, man. You gotta help me out.”

“Okay, slow down, what happened?” Link asked, raising his hands between them to encourage Rhett to take a breath. So far, at least, it didn’t seem like Rhett was being hot-and-cold this time. It seemed like he genuinely needed help.

“Okay, so I was at the club the other night, right?”

“Okay,” Link said. Rhett said this like Link would somehow magically know.

“Anyway, I had a few drinks, right? Nothing major but I had a few, you know?” Rhett paused, letting Link take it in. “Anyway, I met a guy.”

“And there it is,” Link said. “The reason you needed me. Need some relationship advice, Rhett? Because my answer is maybe don’t jerk him around with the ‘oh my god, I’m so straight!’ thing.” As soon as Link said it, he was annoyed with himself for having let any of his feelings show. He didn’t even necessarily  _ like  _ Rhett. He just hated the idea of being played with, and now he hated the idea of Rhett doing that to anyone else.

“No! I mean, uh… no. I uh.. I saw him on campus. And he waved to me a little bit. So, I’m pretty sure he thinks he remembers what happened.”

“This has what to do with me?” Link asked, wondering what on earth Rhett was thinking in terms of his involvement here.

“I was thinkin’ maybe you could convince him that it was you he fooled around with, not me.”

Link busted out laughing until he realized that Rhett was being completely serious. “Oh my god, Rhett. Look at you. Look at me. There are about a billion and a half ways that this could go wrong. There’s no way he’s going to see me and think ‘oh, hey, here’s that giant I hooked up with at the club the other day.’”

“Please, Link. You’ve gotta at least try. What am I gonna do if somehow he tells somebody that it was me and everyone finds out?”

“Not my problem,” Link said, his mouth setting in a line.

“Dammit, Link, please. I’ll do anything. I’ll do your homework for the rest of the semester. I’ll pay you. I’ll… fuck, I’ll suck your dick, like… I’ll literally do anything, just please get me out of this.”

“Yeah, Rhett, that’s a great idea. You don’t want people to think you might be gay, so you’ll suck dick… so people won’t think you’re gay. That makes a shitton of sense there,” Link answered him. “Listen, the way I see it, you’ve got a couple of choices. You could stop messing around with guys, or you could admit that you’re at least a little bit into them. But I can’t be your gay-ass fairy godmother and bibbidi boppity boo all of your drunken mistakes away for you.”

“Please,” Rhett said, reaching out and grasping Link’s arm before Link yanked it away.

“Fine. Show me who he is, and I’ll see what I can do. It’s going to fail spectacularly, but what the hell?” Link figured at the very least, it might be fun to watch the entire plan crash and burn, blow up in Rhett’s face, and force him to realize that Link was right about his two choices.

* * *

 

Link almost backed out when it came to the whole “I need your help, and I’ll point him out to you, but you can’t sit with me in the cafeteria” bullshit Rhett tried to pull. He said it was for discretion, because the plan wouldn’t work if this guy, Josh, was it? saw Rhett and Link at the same time. That meant Link was sitting across the dining hall from Rhett, awaiting a text in case Rhett happened to see him.

This was the first way the plan was likely to fail. For one, there was no guarantee Josh would even show up to dinner at all. Link could count tons of times he didn’t bother coming to dinner, instead eating ramen in his dorm or grabbing a half-priced burger special at a local diner. That’s where he would have been tonight if Rhett hadn’t insisted on his help. Link still hadn’t decided what payment he wanted from Rhett. Hell, maybe he’d even take the blowjob, as much as he’d hate himself for doing so. But his eyes searched, wondering which one of the guys standing in the dining hall might possibly be him.

 

Rhett from Sociology

 

**He’s here.**

_ Wow, super descriptive. Which one of the probably 150 guys in here are you talking about? _

**He’s at the chocolate cake. Grey shirt. Softball pattern.**

_ Got it. _

  
  


Link didn’t fully trust Rhett’s next part of the plan, either, but he went for it anyway, walking up to Josh before he could get away from where he was, before Link could lose him in the crowd. “Hey, Josh,” Link said, hoping like hell Rhett had the right name.

“Uh, hi?” Josh’s face had confusion written all over it, as if he had no clue how he knew Link. Which, of course he didn’t. He’d never seen Link in his life, and Link was sure of it.

“Aw, man, am I that forgettable?” Link asked, trying to play up exactly what he and Rhett had planned.

“Sorry, do I know you?”

“A couple of nights ago, the club?” Link lowered his voice to a whisper, leaning in conspiratorially to share his secret. “You and me, against a wall…” Link only had vague details of what had happened, so he hoped that would be enough to spark Josh’s memory somehow.

“Is this some kind of prank?”

“Why would I prank you?” Link asked, trying his hardest to sound sincere.

“I guess I just, uh, I remembered you differently. Taller.”

“Sometimes I wear heels,” Link tried to think on his feet, whispering again. “I’m a little self-conscious about my height.” At six feet tall, he had no reason to be, but he also didn’t think Josh would believe the idea that he’d imagined the guy he’d spent time with in the club being a solid seven inches taller than he actually was. At least if Link suggested he’d worn heels under his skinny jeans, he’d erase a little bit of that memory gap.

“You… you had a, uh, some facial hair, right?” Josh looked thoroughly confused and Link felt badly for lying to him. This had to be absolutely mind-bending to him.

“Shaved it. Felt like trying out a different look. Shaved a  _ lot  _ of things if you know what I mean,” Link said, hoping that the distraction of thinking about everything he might have shaved would help keep Josh from second-guessing their interaction.

“You were… you were blonder?”

“You know the club was dark, right? Gosh, I know we’d both been drinking but I’m a little bit offended over how unmemorable I was,” Link smiled, winking as he rested a hand on Josh’s arm. “No worries, though. Just wanted to let you know I had fun. Have a good dinner.” Link turned to walk away and Josh grasped his wrist, causing him to turn back.

“Sorry. You’re right, I must have misremembered.” Now Link felt  _ really  _ bad. There was something really unethical about making a guy think he’d hooked up with a completely different guy, especially with the way Josh grasped his wrist. “I’d love to, uh, to relive the memories. Meet me at the club? You can refresh my memory, exactly like it happened the first time?” Josh asked. “Thursday, say around 10?” Now it  _ was  _ unethical. If Link went, gosh, Link didn’t even know what he was thinking.

“Sure. I’ll see you there, Josh,” Link said. He felt guilty now.

“Wear the heels. Tall guys are hot.”

Link was angry at himself for going along with what Rhett asked him to now. Not only had he tricked a guy into believing he’d already made out with him knowing he’d now have to do it again, but he also had to track down tall heels he’d be horrible at walking in and he’d have to figure out what the fuck he was supposed to do to refresh Josh’s memory, given that he hadn’t experienced it the first time. A part of him wondered if Josh knew Link wasn’t who he’d been with, if he wasn’t testing Link a little bit by telling him he wanted it to be exactly like it’d been the first time, almost daring Link to wear heels. It was as if Josh was calling him on the lie, calling him on the game knowing it wasn’t Link at all. And if he’d waved at Rhett like Rhett had said he had, there was the very real chance that’s exactly what was happening.

But Link didn’t have time to worry about that. Instead, he had to figure out how he was going to make this work.

 

Rhett from Sociology

 

_ Well. I have a date with him. But I need to know exactly what went down.  
_ _ Also you’re paying for the heels he’s demanding I wear.  
_ __ So thanks for that.

**Wait, why do you have to have heels?**

_ Because I had to somehow convince him of a reason I was so much shorter than he remembered  
_ _ And now he’s insisting I wear them again because he “likes tall guys” _

**K  
** **Meet me in the bathroom shower in an hour  
** **I’ll tell you how things went**

 

_ The bathroom fucking shower?  _ Link wasn’t sure why Rhett had to meet in the showers specifically, but he was assuming because Rhett didn’t think either his own room or Link’s would be a safe, private place to tell him. Link wasn’t sure how Rhett could possibly think the showers would be any more private, constantly packed and questionably clean, but whatever. He’d do what Rhett asked mostly because now that he was in, what else could he do but follow through this much?

At almost exactly an hour after the last text, he received another instructing him to meet in the second stall. Of course Rhett would be on time and demand Link be on time when it was important to him, but Link was still annoyed that when he’d gone out of his way for their study session, Rhett had been over an hour late. Link was tempted to leave him waiting, make him stand in a communal bathroom for an hour as punishment, but mostly he wanted to get this over with.

 

**Don’t say anything.**

 

That was the next text, and Link wondered if Rhett meant not to speak when he got there or if he meant not to tell anyone anything. He’d already made the second part clear, but he obviously worried about this enough to make someone who looked nothing like him decide to clear up his mess.

It was ridiculous. Rhett was willing to cause a massive inconvenience, a ridiculously extra dramatic situation to avoid getting outed, when he could just own up to it. Hell, he could pass it off as “it’s college and everyone experiments a little bit.” But no, Rhett had to take the most extreme route and rope Link into it along the way.

Link pulled open the first curtain to the second stall, walking in without a shower basket in hand. He closed the curtain behind him and saw Rhett through the second curtain, which was slightly askew. There was a two-curtain system to the showers, one where you’d step in and undress, a bench to place your things, and then a second curtain that kept your things from getting wet while you showered.

“Okay, so what’s the--” Link started, but Rhett put a finger to his lips.

He reached for his phone. They were inches apart, but he insisted on texting anyway.

 

Rhett from Sociology

 

**I’ll show you.**

**You’re Josh. I’m me. Or. You.**

 

Link stood there, let himself fall into whatever Rhett was doing. At this point, it meant Rhett stepping toward him, backing him against the wall of the shower, both of them fully clothed and the water off. It was one of the weirder experiences Link had in the dorm showers, letting Rhett take his hand and pin it to the wall over his head as he kissed Link roughly.

It took a lot for Link to remember that this wasn’t Rhett kissing him, it was Rhett kissing Josh or it was him kissing Josh in a few days, so when Rhett kissed his jaw, kissed down to his neck, nipped at his ear, he had to remind himself that he wasn’t in this situation. It was just playing. Link was angry that he was in this situation, but he could be angry and this still feel good. He didn’t want to let himself respond physically. Rhett took his free hand, placing it on him, so Link’s hand was on Rhett’s side, and Link couldn’t help but grip Rhett’s shirt for balance and whatever else. He wanted to ad lib, to peel Rhett’s clothes off and forget the whole game, but then the anger of what this really was, Link getting Rhett out of hot water, metaphorically speaking, would be back in his mind and he’d get annoyed all over again. Rhett went to kiss Link again and Link bit his lip hard.

“Ow!” Rhett yelped, then tried to silence himself again, because no one was supposed to hear this. He squeezed Link’s wrist hard, pulling back to glare, remind Link as if he could have forgotten yet again, then stepped closer until their bodies were pressed against each other. He slid his hand down Link’s body, letting his mouth explore down to Link’s exposed collarbones as he slipped his hands down Link’s clothed abs, down his body until he was gripping Link, unintentionally hard despite every best effort not to let this get to him in any sort of way that would produce a physical reaction. Rhett kept kissing him, rubbing him, nudging Link’s legs apart to grind against him, Link pressed against the wall so if he wanted to get away, he couldn’t, and Link was trying hard to focus, to mentally take notes so he could do this to Josh but all he could think about was how good it felt to have Rhett on him like this, against him, rubbing at him.

His arm was starting to fall asleep, still pressed above his head, but Rhett still held it, and as he did lower it, he did it for Link, stopping and letting go when it was near Link’s ear. Link let his hand stay against the wall, too distracted by the way Rhett tugged his hair, pulling his head to the side to expose more of his neck, and Link let him, feeling Rhett suck at the exposed skin there, flicking his tongue on the skin as his hand, his thigh, kept doing everything they could to get Link off. He had to wonder, did Rhett really do  _ this  _ to Josh, get him off in a crowded club? Or was he just pushing Link this far, seeing how far he could take this? Part of Link let himself believe that what had started as a plan for what to do to Josh had somehow transformed into Rhett getting lost in the moment and deciding it was what he wanted to do to Link instead, and Link found himself biting into Rhett’s shoulder to stifle the groan as he came in his jeans, eyes squeezing shut.

Rhett held him there, held him steady as he tried to catch his breath, and when Link started to still, go back to his normal breathing, putting his hands on each side of him to steady himself against the wall, Rhett stepped back.

Link wanted to grab his shirt, to tug him close, to reciprocate somehow, to whisper in Rhett’s ear and beg him back to his room to strip and take this further or to get it on right here, pressed against the shower wall, to get naked and let the water wash over them, Link on his knees. Rhett pulled out his phone and Link started to hope that would be exactly what Rhett was suggesting.

 

Rhett from Sociology

 

**So you think you got it?**

_ Yeah. _

 

So much for this being anything more than what it was: Link saving Rhett’s ass from possible outing by pretending to have met a guy in a club. So much for it being more, for it being Rhett’s natural response to having Link pressed against a wall. So much for Rhett admitting some things to himself right here and now. Link should have known better. Link  _ did  _ know better.

 

**We could practice again tomorrow.**

 

Link’s eyes flicked up from his phone to Rhett’s face and for a moment, he looked genuinely sincere, pleading like he wanted this. But Link wasn’t going to let himself believe what he knew wasn’t true. This was just him saving the damsel in distress who seemed thoroughly unwilling to admit how much he relied on Link’s  _ yes  _ to get him out of deep shit.

 

_ I think I’ve got it. _

 

Link couldn’t read Rhett’s expression. Was it frustration that Link wasn’t willing to practice more to make sure he got it right and didn’t fuck this up, or was it sadness because he wanted to practice more? Link shoved the thought of it being the second one out of his head, then looked down at his phone again.

 

_ I wear a size 10. The heels need to be at least 5 inches tall.  
_ _ I hate the color red.  
_ __ Don’t make me look like a tart.

**Got it.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks always to fanbabble, mythical-trash, and clemwasjustagirl for the love and feedback.


	7. Switched

Link regretted his decision to go to the club before he’d even gotten there. In addition to making Rhett buy his heels, he’d also made him venmo enough money for the Uber over. It was Rhett’s problem, not his own, to get out of this shit, and Rhett was going to foot the bill if Link was going. If he’d thought ahead more, he would have demanded drink money, too, because Rhett had said he’d do  _ anything  _ for Link to clean up his mess.

But for some reason, Link had stupidly let it slide at paying for the heels and the ride. He was nervous. There was no way this could work, and he still wasn’t positive Josh believed him in the first place. It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try, though, always up for a challenge. When he got inside and spotted Josh across the room, he did his best not to look like he was stumbling, like he didn’t always walk in these heels. Before he could get out much of a greeting or get too many drinks in him, Josh’s hands were on him, dragging him to the dance floor.

This was nothing like Rhett’s reenactment in the shower, the thing Link had planned for and expected. Rhett had asked if he wanted to practice more via text a few times, but Link had rejected him, and now this was a different scenario entirely. Josh’s hands were on his hips, pulling Link back until his ass was grinding against Josh. Josh’s hands explored, too, down Link’s body and turning Link to get all up on him as the music pulsed and the lights flashed. They were so close, breathlessly close, and a few drinks in, Josh’s mouth was all over Link’s neck. That wasn’t all that different from the way he’d practiced with Rhett, the way they were rubbing up on each other, getting their lips on any bare patch of skin -- shoulders, neck, lips, collarbone, jaw, earlobes, everything.

Link let himself get into it, let himself follow Josh’s lead because they were so far off-book that he couldn’t possibly use the ideas Rhett had given him. None of it mattered. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been in this situation before, been at a club with a guy before. He simply hadn’t done it in heels. And backwards. And with a guy who thought he was someone else. But none of that was important since Josh was hot as heck and had these buff arms that fit around Link’s slender waist nicely, and damn, Rhett seemed to have good taste when he picked this one.

He was distracted by the way Josh was now hooking his leg around him, the way Josh might be taking him and pushing him against a wall soon if he wasn’t careful, and the focus on that left him missing Chase walking up to him.

“Wow, Link, so this is why you’ve been ghosting me,” Chase said, looking Josh up and down, and there wasn’t jealousy so much as a question of why Link had never introduced Chase to Josh, interest written all over his face.

“Link?” Josh raised an eyebrow and shouted over the music. “I thought you said your name was Rhett.” But the smarmy look on Josh’s face only confirmed Link’s worry: he knew Link wasn’t who he said he was from the get-go.

“Rhett? That guy from your soc class? Oh my  _ god.” _

Shit. Link was in deep and he knew it, and every moment of this conversation inched him closer to accidentally outing Rhett, which was horrible since the whole reason he was here was to make sure that didn’t happen. “What does he have on you that you’re doing all this to keep him closeted?” Josh asked.

“He doesn’t have anything on me!” Link insisted, before realizing that would have been a better story to explain this away. Instead, he found himself dragged to a booth, the pair of them passing him shots until he started spilling a few details, careful about what he said to keep Rhett’s identity safe.

“Okay, but I still don’t get it,” Josh said. “All he has to do is let someone know he’s on the down-low and no one is going to blow that for him.”

“You spooked him,” Link said. “He thought you were gonna say something because of how you were on campus after.”

“Link, I just waved to him. It’s not like I walked into the dining hall and sucked his dick or anything. I waved from across a room. He was fun and I figured we could be friends or maybe hook up, but I didn’t say as much. I didn’t say  _ anything _ . I waved. That’s it.” And waving did seem harmless enough. Link had waved at plenty of people before and meant absolutely nothing by it.

“Okay, well, you have to get that he’s, you know… he’s not really sure about himself right now,” Link tried to explain.

“And that’s when you, an Elder Gay,” Chase rolled his eyes at his own comment, “explain to him that if he’s clear about not wanting to be outed, pretty much nobody is going to say shit where anyone can hear. Would you willingly out him? No. We know better.”

“Yeah,” Josh nodded. “There are ways of being like ‘hey, just be clear that you’re keeping this secret’ to Rhett without donning heels and pretending to be him to keep his secret. I mean, goddamn, did you really think I didn’t know?”

“I don’t know,” Link confessed. “I don’t even know what either of us were thinking.”

“Do you see what I mean, though?” Chase asked. “I mean, eventually he’s got to figure himself out. You can’t do these ridiculous things to try to save someone who is still getting themselves into this sort of shit. Could your plan be any more extra?”

“It’s not my plan!” Link argued, but it was true. The plan  _ had _ been extra and he’d gone along with it for god-knows-what reason. “I don’t know. I just… don’t want to see him get hurt. He can be a real asshole, but I think he’s confused and trying to sort his shit out. I’m scared he’ll have to face it before he’s ready.”

“You can be that scared and find other ways to help him,” Josh said. “What if I’d have believed you and thought you  _ were  _ him? Are you ever gonna stop and ask yourself why you thought this would be okay?”

Link didn’t really have a response to that, but on the bright side, he didn’t necessarily need one, since Josh asked rhetorically. As the song changed, he downed a shot and exclaimed it was his song, then slid out of the booth they’d found, grasping Chase’s wrist and asking him to go dance. If nothing else, their hair-brained scheme may have led to some connection, just maybe not the one they’d intended.  
  
  


Rhett from Sociology

 

**How’d it go?**

__ Not necessarily how you’d hoped.  
_ He knew the whole time. Was sort of waiting for me to tell him.  
_ __ Anyway he said he’ll keep it quiet. So did Chase.

 

**Who is Chase?  
** **You told someone else?**

 

__ No. Your stupid idea told someone else.  
_ Josh was playing along that I was Rhett, Chase walked up and called me Link, and then when Josh called me out, Chase put the pieces together.  
_ __ But they’ll keep it quiet. Trust me.

 

**Shit, no one is supposed to know.  
** **This isn’t even a** **_thing_ ** **and now it feels like it’s become a thing.**

 

_ Dammit, Rhett. Meet me in the showers. _

 

Link needed them to deal with this face-to-face. Even if they were still going to text because Rhett was too fucking scared to talk through it where someone might hear, they needed to do this in-person.

Link waited there, slipping into the empty second stall like they’d done before, and told Rhett which one he was in. It took Rhett no time at all to get in there, yanking open the curtain and closing it quickly behind him, nervously looking around like someone might  _ know  _ even if the curtains covered them down to their feet.

 

Rhett from Sociology

 

__ I wanted to look you in the eyes and make sure you know I’m being serious.  
__ You’re safe.  
_ No one is outing you.  
_ __ Okay?

 

There was genuine fear in Rhett’s eyes, and that softened to some degree seeing the sincerity in Link’s own. Link wanted to be reassuring, wanted him to know that it was okay.

 

_ You can have the heels back though.  
_ _ They hurt like a bitch. _

 

Link smirked, turning his lips up at the corner to convey an “all good” to Rhett, to let him know that any of the frustration, fear, could safely be moved past and they could try joking about this now.

Rhett smiled and shook his head.

 

**I still owe you.**

__ Nah, we’re good.  
_ But maybe next time just be honest with the dude that you’re not okay with anyone knowing.  
_ __ Or, you know… stop hooking up with guys until you make up your mind.

**Okay.**

 

For a moment it seemed like Rhett had more to say. Neither of them moved toward the curtain, and neither of them tapped anything out on their phones. They just looked at each other, enclosed in the shower, not a lot of space between them. Link looked up at Rhett, piercing blue eyes blinking and waiting, waiting to see if Rhett would ever say anything else.

 

**What if I’m never ready?**

__ Then you either need to stick to people you’re ready to be open about and date girls…  
_...or you have to find a guy willing to be kept a secret.  
_ __ Girls are probably the easier choice there.

**Yeah.**

_ I’m assuming you’re at least somewhat into women?  
_ _ And you  _ do  _ know it isn’t either/or, right? You can like both? _

**Yeah.**

Link looked down at his phone, not texting, just staring at it. He wasn’t sure what to say or do, and after a few breaths, he turned, peeling back the inner shower curtain to leave. Before he could step through it, Rhett reached for him, taking his hand and turning him, closing the curtain again. He pressed Link to the wall, kissing him and sliding his hands up under Link’s shirt, lifting it up and off of him.

Link didn’t stop him, didn’t resist, let Rhett’s hands graze on him and let Rhett kiss his jaw and neck. His own fingers toyed at the hem of Rhett’s shirt and he took a sharp inhale, feeling Rhett lean into him, their skin on each other, pressing to each other. Link slid a hand into Rhett’s sweatpants, pulling him closer by gripping the fabric underneath and the body it covered. Rhett tugged Link’s jeans down, leaving Link with no real desire to do anything but follow suit, encouraging Rhett’s pants off of him until they were both in their underwear, their phones and clothes tossed outside of the shower to the bench on the other side of their curtain. Rhett tugged at Link’s hair and tilted Link’s head back, kissing his neck and his shoulder, and as Link gave into the feeling, he leaned back, turning the shower on. The water soaked them both quickly, but instead of turning it off, Rhett reached behind Link and adjusted the knob in search of the right temperature.

His tight white underwear didn’t leave anything to the imagination as it got completely soaked, with Link’s colorful trunks only hiding his enjoyment a little bit more than Rhett’s pair. Rhett’s hands grazed Link’s soaked skin.

Safely masked by the sound of the shower and without the phones to rely on, Link had no choice but to get close to Rhett’s ear and talk to him, actually say something. “What are you doing?” The words were curious, and Link didn’t exactly ask him to stop, so Rhett tugged Link’s leg up, hooking it on his hip.

“Seeing if I can handle giving this up,” Rhett said.

“I can’t be your dirty little secret,” Link answered him, almost choking on the words because the reality of what Josh had called him out on was hitting him hard. He was starting to realize the reason he’d gone to such lengths to make sure Rhett was safe. It wasn’t because he thought Rhett was seriously in danger of being outed. It was that the last thing he wanted was for any harm to come to the gentle giant. Not because Link was a good person.

Because Link was hopelessly into Rhett, and that was a massive problem as long as Rhett was pretending to be straight. Link wasn’t going back into the closet, and he wasn’t sneaking around and hiding this just because Rhett, in Link’s mind, didn’t have the balls to come out, no matter how complicated he knew that could be.

Rhett wasn’t surprised by Link’s answer, but he was sad about it. He stopped moving, stopped trying to pull Link closer, but Link didn’t distance them, frozen and waiting to hear what Rhett would say to that.

“Be my secret just one more time? Please?”

It wasn’t the answer Link wanted. He wanted so badly to shove Rhett away, tell him to go fuck himself and leave Link out of it until he sorted his shit out, if he  _ ever  _ did. Link couldn’t stand to be used, to know that Rhett was pushing knowing Link wasn’t okay with the idea of being his secret. Link wanted to leave. He wanted to run or scream or hell, yank the curtain back so everyone knew what was happening.

But he didn’t. He pulled Rhett closer, let Rhett lift him and press him to the shower wall, he bucked his hips and pulled Rhett’s hair and let their bodies slide together until he was sliding down the wall, Rhett setting him down and getting on his knees in front of Link.

His green eyes seemed overwhelmed by the length he revealed as he pulled Link’s underwear down, struggling to get the soaked fabric down his legs enough to get access. But it didn’t deter him as he took Link in his mouth, working him without any real hesitation. In another universe, maybe he’d be doing this because he’d done it before, enough to be comfortable with the whole world knowing. But in this universe, it was still one of the first times he’d ever gotten his mouth on a guy like this, hell, only the second time ever, and the first time was with Link, too, for only a few seconds before Link pulled him off to finish. But this time, he was starting from the ground up, had a long way to go before Link would be painting the walls with his come.

“I need, oh fuck…” Link groaned, tugging at Rhett’s soaked hair and leaning his head back against the shower wall. There wasn’t anything he could do to turn back now. This was too much, too good, left him wondering how long he’d be willing to keep doing this in secret if it could always be like  _ this  _ until he reminded himself how unfair it was to both of them.

His heart ached a little at the thought of how not-okay this was, how much it wasn’t what he should have said yes to, but he kept feeling Rhett on him and couldn’t resist focusing on that instead, focusing on every movement and feeling and the way Rhett’s tongue ran along his skin. Rhett stopped and stood up, getting his lips against Link’s ear as he ran his hand around the back of Link’s neck, gently kneading at the skin.

“Fuck me, Link. Just this once, please, I need you.”

“I can’t,” Link answered honestly.

“I know that you’re not here for this being secret. I know that. But please, I’m begging you. I’ll do anything.”

“No, Rhett, I mean… I don’t… we don’t have anything we need. We can’t do it like  _ this.”  _ Link hated the way that if they would have had what they needed, he would have done it in a heartbeat. He kicked himself for knowing that he would’ve given in no matter how much he hated it.

“We’ve got water, and… and you’re hard, and…”

“Water won’t lubricate, Rhett. It’ll just hurt you. We can’t,” Link tried to explain. If Rhett had come well-prepared, had been used to this, had brought anything they needed to the shower with them, Link wouldn’t have hesitated. But Rhett’s first time couldn’t be like this, couldn’t hurt like it would if they tried with just water, maybe spit. So Link shook his head, got on his knees, gave Rhett the best damn blowjob of his life, using hands and choking until his eyes watered in the stream of the shower, until Rhett was arching his back and ejaculating down his throat. Link furiously stroked himself, staying on his knees and continuing to suck an overstimulated Rhett off, the tip of his cock swollen and red and throbbing, until he finished at Rhett’s feet.

Link stood up, wiping his mouth with the back of the hand and stripping his underwear the rest of the way off, abandoning it in the shower because carrying soaking wet underwear back to his room in his arms was even less of an option than wearing it under otherwise dry clothes. He looked at Rhett, kissing him and forcing Rhett to taste himself on Link’s lips. “I’ll keep your secret.”

“Thank you.”

“One condition: don’t ever talk to me again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to mythical-trash and fanbabble for beta reading this chapter for me. See you next Monday. <3


	8. The Goodbye Hangover

Link woke up hard as a rock, tenting the pajama pants he slept in obviously. He lifted the blanket and looked at the predicament he was in, then picked up his phone. Texting Rhett wasn’t an option, especially since Rhett had stuck to Link’s demand:  _ don’t ever talk to me again.  _ Instead, Link nudged his pajama pants down, wrapping his hand around his hardened cock, and snapped a picture with his phone.

 

**Chase**

 

_ You busy? _

 

Link attached the picture he’d just taken and waited. He no longer asked Chase if it was fine to send it. They’d swapped these pics dozens of times, either just for fun or to invite the other over for a quick hookup. His main hope was that Chase would come over, would suck him off and take care of the throbbing situation there, but at the very least, he imagined Chase would send him back a picture he could work with in taking care of it himself.

 

**A little ;)**

 

Chase’s response came with a picture of it’s own, not just of Chase’s own cock, legs spread apart, but also Josh’s, halfway inside of Chase, one hand on Chase’s waist. That answered that question.

 

_ What, all I get is some crummy picture? Not even a video? _

 

He was joking obviously. Chase would know that. And the clear positioning of the camera meant Josh wasn’t in the dark about Chase taking a picture, so he hoped Chase would make it clear to Josh that this was a joke and not an actual request. If he heard a response back at all, anyway, because they were clearly preoccupied with what they were doing. The only reason he’d gotten any message in the first place was Chase’s desire to brag, to share his conquest and rub it in Link’s face that he was getting laid. They were like this sometimes, a little bit obnoxious about their sex lives. Sometimes it worked in good ways that meant they’d hook up, too, but for some reason, he didn’t feel like it was going to be that easy for him. No, Link was worried he was destined to slip into a deep, dark, goddamn awful slump.

Scrolling through his phone, there were plenty of names. Well, not plenty. He didn’t exactly get around  _ that  _ much. But there were enough names that Chase wasn’t the only option. The problem was desire, and Link didn’t desire a hook up with any of them.

But scrolling only got him to one place, a place he didn’t want to be, and that was Rhett’s name. Not as a possible option for sex -- god, no -- but just as a memory, a flash of acknowledgement that he’d told Rhett never to speak to him again. It was a strong request, and in hindsight, he probably shouldn’t have said it. He didn’t want to talk to Rhett, but never speaking again? That seemed a little bit intense even for him. He opened their chat log, tapped out a message saying he didn’t mean  _ never,  _ but more like… never for personal reasons. Perhaps class reasons or something would be fine. But then he thought better of it, erasing the message. Opening the door to one thing only led him to open the door to everything else. He was sure of it. Instead, he deleted the message thread altogether, erasing every interaction they’d had through text from the very first day. Then, he deleted Rhett’s number.

* * *

 

Clean slate. Rhett wasn’t going to get him down anymore.

Rhett scratched the bug bite on his leg furiously, the itch almost painful. Why he thought doing his homework on the grass of the quad was a good idea, he’d never know, but it wasn’t a mistake he was making again, that was for sure. He sighed in relief as the itch started to subside, his bitten nails having almost drawn blood but that seeming so insignificant if it meant the itch was gone.

“Oh my god, can you not jack off in the shower like a normal person?”

“I’m not jacking off!” Rhett protested, stilling the movements that had clearly been misread.

“I swear, it’s like you  _ want  _ me to know you’re jerking it. That’s so gross, man. What are you, gay?” His roommate was an asshole a good eighty percent of the time, but this was even more ridiculous than usual. For a moment, Rhett wondered if he’d heard rumors, seen something, if that’s what this was about.

“I’m not gay!” Rhett argued, but he wondered if that almost felt like protesting too much. “I have bug bites on my leg. I was scratching them. Do you have an issue with that?” He hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep for this, that was for damn sure.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself,” his roommate muttered. Rhett wanted to show him, to pull his pajama pants up and expose the fresh wounds from the open, oozing bug bites, but it wasn’t worth it. Instead, he grabbed his shower caddy and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

The only stall, of course, was the second stall. Everything else was taken at the time just before class when everyone who showered in the mornings was packing the bathrooms to get ready. The last place Rhett wanted to be was the second stall, the one he’d gotten so close to Link in not once, but twice, the one he’d been given such a harsh final word in. He’d stuck to it, days separating them from the events that happened. Rhett had yet to say anything. He also hadn’t made it to class since then, and that wasn’t going to reflect well on him if he didn’t get it together.

He stood in the second stall, letting water wash over him, and he leaned against the wall. Every time he closed his eyes, pictures of Link pressed against him flashed through his mind. It was the last thing he wanted to think about, especially after his roommate’s accusations. Was he gay? He didn’t think so. He’d been with women. He  _ liked  _ women. But as Link had pointed out, he didn’t necessarily have to pick a camp. He could be both, could like girls and… and like Link. But no. He couldn’t like Link.

Link had made that abundantly clear.

Not that Rhett really had any room to blame him. He’d been pretty stupid about the entire thing. It wasn’t as if Rhett didn’t see his own faults and flaws in the situation, didn’t see all the places he’d gone wrong. Of course he did. That was what made it even more painful. He’d seen the ways it could crash and burn and he’d done it anyway, as if somehow his unwillingness to admit things to himself could protect him, or at the very least, make it so he could escape unscathed.

Link was right. He could just be with girls forever. It would be the easiest possible situation. There was only one thing standing in his way, and that was sociology, the one place he had to face Link and his problems and his attractions that he wasn’t willing to let himself consider. He closed his eyes, images of Link on him again at the forefront of his brain. He could feel himself getting harder just thinking about it, waves of guilt passing over him.

_ I don’t like it. I don’t like him. I don’t like this. I’m not that guy. _

He kept reciting it to himself, but it didn’t stop the wave of mental images, didn’t stop the feeling stirring deep in his gut and the tightness in his belly as he grew harder. He reached forward, turning the knob to cold and shocking himself with the icy water, stark contrast to the warmth he’d been feeling.

He hadn’t managed to shower off, hadn’t managed to wash his body at all, shampoo his short hair, nothing. It didn’t matter. He had to get out of that fucking shower stall before he lost his entire mind.

* * *

 

“Ma’am, where’s the form to drop a class?” Rhett approached the counter, looking at the woman with the greying hair and wide eyes sincerely.

“The deadline to drop classes was two weeks ago,” she said, her tone dry and her eyes completely unsympathetic.

“But what if I need to get out of a class?”

“Don’t show up. Of course, then you’re out the money you spent on the class, and if you’re on any teams, you’ll go into academic probation because you’re failing a class, but at this point, that’s your only option unless you plan on riding it out. Showing up and doing your best has to be better than not showing up and failing, even if the class isn’t for you,” she explained. It was as if she was reading a script. Her voice was monotone as she recited her “do your best” affirmations to Rhett.

“You don’t understand. I can’t… I can’t go back to that class,” Rhett tried to explain.

“Listen, you’re far enough into the semester that your best bet is just to push through. You’ve gone to the class this many times. Unless there is a genuine reason for you not being able to attend all of your classes, like a family or medical emergency, I cannot help you.” She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and turned to file paperwork, abruptly ending the conversation.

“Shit!” Rhett cursed under his breath and she turned back toward him, glaring.

“You can take your frustration and your language outside now,” she suggested in the same monotone she’d used all along. Rhett sincerely doubted she had a personality outside of work, either, and he certainly didn’t believe she could possibly understand what he was going to or why he needed desperately to drop sociology completely. As he turned, yanking open the door, he ended up face-to-face with Link. Words formed on the tip of his tongue, half-thoughts of hello or apologies, but instead, Link nudged past him, his own shoulder shoving against Rhett’s arm, and Rhett decided to go outside without opening his mouth at all.

* * *

 

The last place Rhett wanted to be was directly behind Link in class. There, he’d have to stare at the long lines of his neck, the shape of his body stretched out, legs splayed in front of him, feet knocking gently against the chair in the row ahead, the way Link bit the eraser of his pencil, then glided it across his lips before biting it again.

Rhett needed to get out, needed to escape, needed to do something. Instead, he sat there helpless, trying his hardest to take notes and watching as Link pulled out his phone. He couldn’t make out who he was texting, but from the seat he was in behind Link, he could see Link talking about how he’d tried to drop the class and failed, getting shut down by the same woman Rhett had encountered.

The fact that Link wanted to drop the class, too, made Rhett’s heart sink. Any hope he had at some sort of apology, some sort of way to make this up to Link, shattered. Link wanted nothing to do with him. Still. No amount of time would change Link’s mind there if he was preparing to drop the class.

Rhett wanted to drop it because he couldn’t bear to look at Link just like he had to today, the way he had taken the only empty seat in the room, couldn’t stand to see how Link turned his neck side-to-side to crack it a little bit, the way he wrapped his long fingers around his travel mug and brought it to his mouth.

Rhett wanted to be free of all of that. But unfortunately, he had no choice. And he knew that Link had other reasons for wanting to avoid him. It wasn’t about not seeing Rhett, wasn’t about a desire for him. It was about disgust, hatred, anger. Rhett could tell by the way Link had glared at him when he saw him walk into class. Link was thoroughly, completely, entirely grossed out by, or at the bare minimum, pissed off at Rhett. None of that had anything to do with any sort of attraction at all.

But Rhett didn’t want to be attracted to Link anyway. He tried to flip the thoughts on their heads, how disgusting the metal that held the eraser in place must feel on Link’s teeth and how it probably cut his gums and left sores all over his mouth. Link, with his feet resting on the person’s chair legs in front of him, so rude to take up others’ space like that. Link who had to wrap those stupid, beautiful long fingers around that mug, place his perfect, plush pink lips to the rim of it as he tilted that gorgeous head of soft hair backwards….  _ Fuck.  _ Rhett was in way too deep.

* * *

 

Link scrubbed at his skin as if he could somehow wash away the deep feeling of shame that he felt. He’d been rushing his showers constantly since his encounter with Rhett, keeping them as cold and as short as possible, but the effects of those cold, short showers started to wear on him. Today, he had given into a warm, long shower.

It was two in the morning and he was the only one in the showers at all, his body enveloped in warm water and his mind wandering, not just his mind but his hand, sliding down his body as he grasped himself. It had been a while. Too long, if he was being honest. Hookup attempts with Chase had failed over the past two weeks, thanks to Rhett and his big, stupid idea that had brought Chase and Josh together. He was happy for them. Or, mostly happy for them, if Josh hadn’t been getting in the way of his usual booty call, his typical no-strings-attached partner in crime when it came to needing to get off.

But no, Rhett’s huge, idiotic plan had ruined that. Rhett, and his big, stupid thoughts and his big, stupid lies to himself and the big, stupid way his body enveloped Link’s in the shower, crowded him against a wall as he got his lips on Link’s jaw and… Link was lost to it, the feelings and thoughts and the way Rhett looked when he came. It all filtered through his mind as he stroked himself, letting the water help glide over his skin, letting the feeling of warmth make every sensation a little more intense. He worked himself, flicking his thumb over the head and closing his eyes, arching his back with his movements, fast and furious to get himself off to the thought of Rhett on his knees in front of him, the idea of Rhett kissing his hipbones and biting at his thighs before sucking him off.

Coming was intense and powerful for Link, overwhelming to the point he almost buckled at the knees, exhausted from the time of night and the expended energy in the long-awaited release that coated the shower walls. He filled his palm with soap and swiped it off of the wall, trying to undo the damage and erase any signs of his transgressions.

Soap couldn’t wash it from his brain, though, the guilt he felt for letting his thoughts go to Rhett when he’d sworn they’d never speak again. He’d done everything to stop thinking about him, including trying to drop the class only to find out he was too late.

The thing was, Link didn’t want to go back into the closet. And to have Rhett in his life, that was really the only option. Rhett didn’t want to fuck around with a guy who was obviously, apparently gay. There was no way he’d be okay with that. He did everything he could to lie as it was, to try to pretend that they hadn’t done the things they’d done. He’d gone out of his way to make sure no one knew he’d made out with Josh at the club, either, and it made it painfully clear to Link: there was no way to have Rhett without lying about who he was and what he wanted.

Which meant there was no way to have Rhett. Link wasn’t willing to give up any part of who he was to be with him.

And that just made him feel guiltier for getting off with Rhett’s name on his tongue and the vision of Rhett all over him, coaxing him to finish. Link returned to scrubbing his skin, using his nails this time until parts of him were red and raw from the effort. He choked back a small sob of guilt. It had been his choice to make sure they  _ never  _ did that again, but here he was, in the shower, wishing they could. He was a liar, a hypocrite, an animal driven by lust. And that, he thought, might be the only thing worse than Rhett being a complete and total douchebag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to mythical-trash, fanbabble, and clemwasjustagirl for their input on this one.


	9. Second Stall

Something about Link had Rhett frustrated and confused as hell. He hated what Link was doing to him, almost hated Link for doing it, not that it was his fault really. If Link had never texted him that stupid question, none of this would have ever happened, though, so maybe it was a little bit Link’s fault. He had texted, though, and Rhett had answered.

It was a little like dropping a lit match on the gasoline Rhett had been spreading over his life for weeks. The reality was, sure, Link’s question set the whole thing ablaze, burned Rhett’s knowledge of who he was to the ground, but it had started before that. He couldn’t say he’d never seen Link before that. Well, obviously he’d seen him. They had class together. But before the text, he’d  _ seen  _ Link, too, stared at the man who had strikingly beautiful features. Of course Link was objectively handsome, but his long lashes, his bright eyes, the half-smirk he’d get when he was thinking about something, all of those things were downright beautiful things Rhett couldn’t stop thinking about. He couldn’t pinpoint why he was so fascinated by them, by Link himself.

They didn’t really talk, though, before that. Not really. They’d done a few in-class group discussions together, and once they’d met for coffee outside of class to study, but that was all. That was the only reason they even had each other’s numbers, to study, so he wasn’t really sure what made Link feel confident enough to ask such a personal question.

At first, Rhett was paranoid. He knew Link was gay -- he’d mentioned it in conversation during their first group discussion in class -- and part of him wondered if he’d sensed something in Rhett, some gaydar that had pegged Rhett for being a little gay and that being why he’d asked.

_ I’m not gay. Not a little. Not a lot.  _ Rhett was trying to remind himself of that fact. And he wasn’t gay, that was certain. He liked girls. And obviously he knew he could like both, that he could potentially have a sexuality that wasn’t gay or straight, but it was the gay part of the equation he was struggling with, the attraction to a man that he was fighting. He didn’t want to like Link. That’s what it came down to. Link. Link was a problem and an issue and it was perfectly, completely, totally fine that Link never wanted to speak to him again, because Rhett didn’t want to talk to Link, either.

Obviously.

Except for the fact that he did, and it was getting increasingly hard not to say something, not to text him or try to apologize. Part of him considered taking something -- a box of granola bars? A bottle of vodka? Something? -- to apologize to Link for the whole situation with Josh, but that just seemed like it would be even stranger. Instead, he sulked in silence, owning it and accepting it, leaning hard into the isolation that seemed fitting for the situation. He’d broken up with the girl he’d been seeing, too, if he could really call it a breakup.

They hadn’t been dating so much as they’d been hanging out, making out, only for Rhett to freeze every time she tried to take it past that. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been there before, and it wasn’t like she wasn’t attractive. It was just that somehow, something was messed up in his brain, wires crossed or something that made him think about Link. He’d told her he felt sick or tired or needed to study, but then it escalated, and that’s what his mind was focused on tonight, in this shower, as he shampooed his hair for the fourth time without realizing it. Rinse, lather, repeat, rinse, lather, repeat, like washing his hair would wash away the intrusive thoughts.

 

_ “You’re quiet tonight,” she said, snuggling in closer to him, his arm draped around her loosely. They were watching some sort of romantic comedy she had picked and he couldn’t even remember the name of it. He’d been thinking too hard, or rather, trying not to think, nursing a beer he’d gotten from the fridge when she’d gotten there. She had one, too, but she’d left it untouched since he opened it for her, and he figured he’d eventually end up drinking it also. _

_ “Sorry. Just into the movie, I guess.” It wasn’t even a good lie. It was a shitty lie and he knew it. _

_ “Into the movie, huh?” she asked, calling him on his bluff. “What’s her problem, then?” She pointed at a girl on the screen. _

_ “She’s, uh… she’s at a party?” _

_ “Yeah, obviously, now. But I asked what her  _ problem  _ is, Rhett.” _

_ “I, uh… She…” He hadn’t the slightest clue. _

_ “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I know, it’s hard to pay attention to the movie sometimes. I was having trouble paying attention because you’re too darn cute,” she said, poking his nose with one finger and turning to straddle his lap. She was grinding on him a little bit as she kissed his neck, and for the first time all evening, he found himself actually actively watching the movie. It was better than paying attention to this, which only made him a little nervous. “Rhett, you can touch me,” she urged, taking his hand and placing it on her ass. He cupped it gently, giving it a small squeeze like he actually wanted to do this, and moved his other hand to her back, but barely touched her at all there. _

_ He kissed her back, but kept his eyes open on the movie, on the screen, distancing himself from what was happening. _

_ “I’m, uh… I’m sort of tired,” he muttered when she pulled her lips off of his. _

_ “Again? Are you tired, Rhett, or are you just a little nervous? You know, it’s okay. Lots of guys are scared to lose their virginity,” she said, kissing him again. _

_ “I’m not, uh. I’ve… I’m not a virgin!” he squeaked. He wasn’t a virgin. He’d had sex! Part of him was insulted, wanted to flip her over on the couch and pound her just to make sure she knew he wasn’t scared to do it. But he didn’t  _ want  _ that, not really. “I just… I kind of have a headache.” _

_ “A headache? You know, there was this study that somebody did that said orgasms are a natural headache cure. How about you just lay back and I’ll make sure you get a really, really good cure?” _

_ “I don’t, uh…” He didn’t want to say no. If he did, he wondered what that said about him. She was hot. Not just objectively, but like, personally. He found her attractive. But he didn’t  _ want  _ her and if he told her that, well, he was only proving his roommate right, maybe. He couldn’t keep a girl, and maybe it was because… no. He wasn’t letting his brain go there right now. _

_ She laid him down, leaning him back and sliding his pants down. “Mmm, yeah, nice big boy, aren’t you? In every sense of the word… wow, baby. You look good.” She flashed her eyes up at him and he shifted uncomfortably. He wasn’t even hard. _

_ “You don’t have to--” _

_ “Oh, come on, I’m offering…” she said, wrapping her hand around it and running her tongue along the length. It felt good, and his cock was responding where his brain wasn’t, getting harder whether or not this was really what he’d hoped for. He laid his head back and let her do what she was going to do, even running his fingers through her hair and letting out a small, unintentional groan as she happened to hit just the right spot. With his eyes closed, he imagined it was Link until he released her hair and it fell, grazing his leg and reminding him who he was with here. “You like that, baby?” _

_ He didn’t want to answer. He couldn’t answer without either lying or saying something he didn’t want to say -- no -- so instead, he kept his eyes closed and his mouth shut. _

_ “Rhett?” _

_ He didn’t know what to do. He wanted this to stop and he didn’t want to tell her to stop. She wrapped her lips around him again, bobbing her head a little bit and taking more of him, then backing off again. “Babe? That okay for you?” _

_ There was no getting out of answering, so instead, Rhett let out a loud snore. He was faking it, obviously, pretending to be asleep when he wasn’t, but it seemed to work because as he let a second snore out, she sat back, away from him, muttering out a “what the fuck?” _

_ He snored again and she shook his arm. “Rhett, seriously? You’re falling asleep during a fucking blowjob?” There was no other option now but to keep snoring. He couldn’t sit up and tell her it was some kind of joke or a prank without making things way worse. Instead, he pretended to keep sleeping. “Fine. Sleep, then, asshole.” She stood up and he could feel the force of her stomp across the floor. He was still exposed -- she hadn’t even bothered to tuck him back into his pants -- and he felt awkwardly naked now even though he was mostly clothed. “Fuck you,” she said, slamming the door behind her. _

 

It was less of a breakup and more of her not wanting to date the guy who had fallen asleep halfway through a blowjob, and Rhett hadn’t corrected her perception of him.

Either way, she had once been a good way to stop his roommate from talking shit about him jerking off or being gay, and now she was gone, so he didn’t know what the plan was. He did know one thing: Link wasn’t part of that plan.

Even if he wanted Link to be. But he didn’t. Of course not. Except now, as he was doing just what his roommate had accused him of doing the other day in bed, wrapping his hand around himself in the shower, Link’s face on his mind and the memory of his kiss on his lips and it was killing him, leaving a knot in his stomach and his mind wondering if there was some way he could make it work. Publicly, the last thing he wanted to do was tell anyone what he felt, the conflicting thoughts in his mind or the way he was so turned on thinking about Link. Not just turned on, either, but instead wanting to spend  _ time  _ with him. He’d remembered the conversation with Link about the pictures on his wall, how in another world, they might have been hanging out at the Cape Fear River together and been friends.

He wanted to fuck Link.

He wanted to befriend Link.

He wanted a lot of things. But Link had made it very clear. Rhett had no choice but to stay the fuck away.

For right now, though, in this second, it didn’t mean his mind couldn’t wander to Link, and for that two minutes in his mind, that’s what it did, thinking of Link and the times they  _ had  _ spent together and it was so good, so good, until Rhett was coming and then he was blushing and washing the evidence down the drain as shame covered him instead.

* * *

 

Link was exhausted. In the middle of the night, he was so tired he wanted to scream. It was obvious sleep wasn’t going to happen. It didn’t matter how hard he tried. Link couldn’t seem to get out of his own head, and he couldn’t seem to kick the conversation he’d overheard that morning out of his brain, either. It had felt so wrong to listen in, and had it not been Rhett’s girlfriend -- was she his girlfriend? -- talking, he probably would have ignored it better. He wasn’t even sure why he was so invested. He wasn’t speaking to Rhett, not at all interested in being some weird dirty little secret for him while he figured out what he wanted. But for some reason, seeing her, the girl Rhett had dragged along to their study night, made her stand out. He couldn’t separate her from Rhett, couldn’t help himself when it came to eavesdropping.

 

_ Link ordered a large drip coffee, just like he did every morning, paying with the spare change in his pocket and tipping the best as his college budget would allow. _

_ He tried to credit the fact that her voice was annoyingly high-pitched as why he couldn’t help but overhear her, but he knew otherwise. Unlike Link, who went for the tamest drink on the menu, it was her and the gaggle of equally high-pitched girls surrounding her, each with complicated drinks, that was holding up his large drip. Those drinks probably contained god-knows-what levels of sugar and he cringed thinking about it, then realized with her, he’d probably judge anything she did and he tried to tone it down. _

_ “No, I mean he fell asleep while I was sucking his… you know…” she said. She’d whispered the words “sucking” and “you know” as if people wouldn’t have been able to fill in the blanks. Then again, she whispered so loudly she could likely be heard in other buildings, so Link rolled his eyes regardless. The “he” in this situation, of course, wasn’t named. Somehow, Link couldn’t help but picture it being Rhett in the situation even if he figured it couldn’t possibly be about him. Rhett? Falling asleep during that? Bullshit. _

_ “He fell asleep? Was it, you know… a bad one?” _

_ “Oh my god, you bitch!” She glared and forced a laugh. “Of course it wasn’t bad. I’ve never had a complaint before. It was great, he just wasn’t into it.” _

_ “Is this the same guy who has been blowing you off lately?” Another friend of hers chimed in.  _ Wait,  _ Link thought… maybe it  _ was  _ Rhett after all. _

_ “Yeah, why?” _

_ “What if he’s just not into you?” Damn, Link realized her friend wasn’t pulling any punches there, being brutally honest and not letting up. The glare she shot said everything she needed to, and her friend tried to make up for it. “No, I mean, obviously a guy who falls asleep during a blowjob is a jerk, but like… a blowjob from someone who looks as gorgeous as you? Are you sure he’s not… y’know…” _

_ Gay. _

_ The implication was written all over everything they were getting at and now Link was really intrigued. Was the guy she was with actually gay? Was it Rhett? Or was her type guys who seemed to be into other guys? Maybe whoever this guy was, he was someone worth knowing. _

_ But the sinking pit in his stomach said it was Rhett. And no, he wasn’t going back into that whole situation all over again. _

_ “Oh my god, that would make so much sense.” It was as if a lightbulb had been switched on in her head. _

_ “Yeah, it definitely does. It can’t be you… look at you!” her friend gushed, and Link tried his hardest not to roll his eyes. Sure, she was pretty, but come on. No guy falls asleep during a halfway decent blowjob. Link was gay, but he could be certain that if a girl was giving him really good head, he’d probably pass for the night, even if he closed his eyes and pictured someone else. A man didn’t have to be into the person giving them the blowjob if it was a really good blowjob. But then Link’s name was called, his coffee ready, and there was no sense listening to the rest of the conversation, which was basically just this girl’s friends stroking her ego every ten seconds anyway. _

 

He couldn’t get it out of his head, the idea and possibility it could be Rhett she was talking about. Surely it wasn’t. But it didn’t matter anyway. He wasn’t going to be Rhett’s secret.

Was he? Could he be?

Link wasn’t sure he was okay with it, the emotional turmoil he’d put himself through. Rhett was off-limits, and Link needed to find a way to sleep. He pried himself from his warm bed, grabbing his shower caddy and praying a hot shower would help him relax enough to sleep. If nothing else, maybe he could jack off and make himself tired or something.

When he reached the bathroom, though, a sign on the door read “Closed for Maintenance.” Part of him considered giving up, going back to his room and staring at the ceiling. The other part of him pressed on, heading down the stairs in search of a working shower. He cursed silently when he first working showers he came to were the ones on Rhett’s floor, the ones with complicated memories he didn’t want to deal with right then. A shower, though, was necessary. He sighed and stepped inside the second stall, figuring he’d go all-in and use this shower, wash Rhett out of his head once and for all in the same place he’d told Rhett to never speak to him again. He’d removed Rhett from his life here, and now he was determined to remove him from his head here, shedding his close to the floor and stepping in to the thankfully steamy water.

Thankfully, the bathroom was empty. At this time of night, it was unlikely he’d run into anyone, but especially Rhett. He focused hard on washing his hair first, figuring he’d do anything he could not to focus on the last time he was in this shower, but his thoughts drifted to Rhett anyway, to the flat “never speak to me again” order he’d given, and his stomach hurt. Speaking to Rhett was a liability, a problem, because there was no way it could ever be anything more than just sex. And sex with secrets? That wasn’t Link’s style, not the way he liked to do things.

Thinking of Rhett hurt too much. Instead, he started rapping something, some song from his high school years that was stuck in his head for no real reason at all. As he hit the parts of the song he was most confident in the lyrics to, he got louder.

When Rhett entered the bathroom at around 2:30 in the morning, desperate to relieve his bladder, he hadn’t anticipated anyone would be in there loudly rapping. Sure, people showered at odd hours, but this bordered on obnoxious considering how many people stumbled across the hall to take a leak before stumbling back to bed half-asleep. It wasn’t until the chorus, when the voice got louder, that Rhett recognized the voice behind the words.  _ Link?  _ He couldn’t comprehend why Link would be showering down here, when they didn’t even live on the same floor. But somehow, Link was here, voice loud and confident. Rhett peered around the corner, seeing the only closed shower curtain was to the second stall, the one they’d had more than one conversation in.

Was it paranoid of him to think Link was trying to send a message? Maybe a little vain?

Rhett shook his head and tried to convince himself it wasn’t the case. What sort of sign could Link be sending by being on his floor in that particular stall in the middle of the night, when it was unlikely Rhett would encounter him at all? Rhett couldn’t shake the nagging feeling it had been intentional, though, that Link had come down here in hopes they’d run into each other. For all he knew, this wasn’t the first time Link had been down here, just the first time they’d been in here at the same time.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly, his fingertips grazing the shower curtain to the exterior half of the shower, where Link’s clothes would be. Link would, of course, be concealed by the second curtain. He knew he shouldn’t, but something felt too perfect to be coincidental, so he let himself open the first curtain. Link kept rapping, clearly not even noticing the first curtain had been touched. Rhett stood there, in the same space as Link’s clothes and the scent of his shampoo wafting and it was intense, powerful, almost too much for him to take and he considered turning and walking out of the stall altogether, pretending this never happened.

Link quieted briefly, but then started into a new song, this one something more longing and angsty. His head was a mess. No matter how much he tried to convince himself he’d never, ever be someone’s secret, that he’d never put himself back into the closet, even partially, to be with someone, there was something about Rhett that felt different. They seemed to have this instant connection, even in class, which was why he’d felt comfortable texting him in the first place, even if he had initially tried to convince himself Rhett being disposable was why he’d picked him. Ultimately, Rhett wasn’t someone he could throw away and he wished that somehow, he could get the balls up to text him. Not that he had his number anymore. He’d stupidly deleted that.

Link poured more shampoo in his hand, shaking the thoughts from his head and hardening his resolve that he’d done the right thing in telling Rhett off, in deleting him, in moving on. He was making the right choice, he tried to convince himself.

Rhett stood there, debating on whether or not to pull open the second curtain, to try to talk to Link. Instead, he settled for sliding open the top just enough to reach his hand through, to tap Link on the shoulder.

Link had said he could never talk to him again, but he’d said nothing about tapping his shoulder. Link jumped at the touch, whipping around and grabbing the shower curtain to hold the bottom in place as he pulled the top back. “What the fuck are you doing? Rhett? Jesus, you scared me half to death! What the fuck?”

Rhett stood there, suddenly realizing he hadn’t anticipated taking this far and now wondering what to do. Link had said not to talk, so he stood there, blinking.

“What are you doing, barging into somebody’s shower? Do you have anything you’re going to say for yourself or are you just goin’ to stand there like an idiot?” Link continued ranting.

Now, Rhett almost felt like it was a challenge, with Link calling him names like that. Not like Link didn’t have a right to freak out… Rhett had intruded on his shower. But Rhett decided to stay silent, refusing to explain himself. “Are you not going to talk to-- oh my god. That’s it, isn’t it? You’re not going to talk. I told you never to talk to me again and your solution is to barge in here and stare at me like some kind of dumbass and not speak to me? Is that what you’re doing?” Link continued to rant and Rhett lowered his eyes. He blinked, hoping to convey some sort of message of apology now, softening his eyes and furrowing his brow, giving a small shrug and a sorrowful smile.

He lifted a hand in goodbye and turned around, reaching for the first curtain to walk away, but then Link’s hand was on his arm, yanking him back into the shower, shirt, pajama pants, all of it getting soaked in the water. “You’re a fucking idiot,” Link said, pressing Rhett to the wall and kissing him. “Thinking you can just walk in here and not say a damn thing while I’m trying to shower, scaring me half to death?” He pressed his lips to Rhett’s again but Rhett didn’t move, frozen and stunned by whatever it was Link was doing.

“You piss me off so much sometimes,” Link said, talking without any response. He knew Rhett wasn’t going to answer. “Coming in here, not talking like you can find some sort of loophole.” He kissed Rhett again, and this time Rhett kissed back, softening completely. “You know I can’t stand you right now, right? You’re a jerk and you used me.” Rhett didn’t know what Link was doing, but there was no way in hell he was going to stop him. He wanted Link too desperately, so instead he let Link tug at his shirt and pull him toward him until they were backed up against the other wall, a naked Link pressed to the wall with Rhett crowding him against it, kissing him intensely and taking breaks long enough for Link to keep yelling at him. “God, you make me so angry.”

Link pulled Rhett in again, softening with every kiss, lowering his volume and calming the sharpness in his tone with every word. He slid his hands up Rhett’s shirt and took it off, throwing it on the shower floor and nudging it aside. “You jerk,” he said softly. “I swear, you’re such an asshole.” Rhett had yet to say a single word. “You know this doesn’t mean I like you. It doesn’t,” Link insisted, pulling Rhett in more, pressing their water-soaked chests together and letting Rhett wrap his arms around him, pulling space between Link and the wall that only Rhett’s hug could occupy.

“I’m so mad. And then you tried to drop the class like you never wanted to see me again,” Link said, now sounding hurt more than anything. “God, I hate you. I fucking hate you sometimes,” Link said, kissing Rhett again. I’m not going to be your stupid secret. I won’t. I can’t do it,” Link kept talking between kisses but now it was obvious. He wasn’t trying to convince Rhett.

He was trying to convince himself.

He desperately wanted for this to be a thing, knowing that it couldn’t be a thing if he stuck to his decision not to let Rhett keep him a secret. Rhett took over now, hooking his hands around Link’s thighs and lifting him, pressing him to the wall again and kissing his neck. “I’m sorry.” Those were the first words from his mouth, his voice cracking after the way he’d been silent since waking up twenty minutes ago.

“You’re an asshole,” Link repeated, tilting his head back for Rhett to have easier access to his neck. “I can’t be your secret, Rhett. I can’t.”

“I know,” Rhett said, his voice dripping with apology and sadness and emotion neither of them could place.

“I have to be, don’t I?” Link asked. It wasn’t a question he wanted an answer to, clearly, so Rhett didn’t answer him. They both already knew what the answer was.

This wasn’t supposed to be happening, but it was, and if it was going to happen again, they were going to have to keep it a secret. Rhett didn’t even get the chance to answer, tongue teasing at Link’s nipple. He heard Link breathe a single word.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to clemwasjustagirl (shewasjustagirl on ao3), fanbabble, and mythical-trash


	10. Totally Fucked

This wasn’t what Link wanted. It was, but it wasn’t. He wanted Rhett, but not like this. He wanted Rhett in a way that meant they didn’t have to hide things, and now he was doing exactly that: hiding.

It had been two days. Two long days since Rhett fucked him. Not in the shower, no, of course not. Link’s original point about not having what they needed right then and there stood. But they’d gotten damn close, with Rhett almost begging in the shower and it was so overwhelming. Rhett could get his mouth all over Link’s neck and ribs in ways that made him want to scream in pleasure, but all that did was make Rhett harder to resist. He couldn’t say no.

He couldn’t say no in the shower when Rhett was all up on him, joining him in the shower by surprise. And he definitely couldn’t say no when he was insisting Rhett follow him to his empty room. “My clothes are wet,” Rhett had said, and they were. Link had pulled him into the shower, soaking every article of clothing he’d been wearing. Rhett couldn’t walk through the halls in wet clothes, not like that, not following Link because someone might see, find out their secret before there was even really a secret to be shared.

Link had done what he had to do. He’d given Rhett his clothes. “Here, take them,” he’d said. “Put these on.” They didn’t fit. Not really. But it was the middle of the night and Link was hoping there wouldn’t be too many people milling around anyway. “Key’s in the pocket.” Link couldn’t go back with Rhett. Not when Rhett was this worried as it was. He was already going to another floor, another room, a place where, if someone saw him, they’d wonder why he was going in there this late at night. Rhett pulled him into a kiss and it felt  _ good _ , reminding him why he was doing this in the first place. “I’ll meet you there in ten minutes.”

It wouldn’t take Link ten minutes to dry off, to wrap his towel around his slender waist, to pick up his shower caddy and follow. But it would take him ten minutes to make sure Rhett wasn’t going to change his mind. If he said ten minutes, it meant that Rhett had a chance to cool off from the way their hands had been all over each other in the shower, getting each other far too worked up, far too desperate to finish right then and there, and Link needed Rhett to think this through.

Ten minutes seemed fair.

After Rhett left, it wasn’t exactly easy for Link. He slumped on the bench just outside the shower, burying his head in his hands, wondering how the fuck he was so stupid to get wrapped up in this. The reality was, he wasn’t going to be the one ending it, though. He was too invested, as much as he kicked himself for it. All of this from that one damn text, all of this that started as an easy question and ended up setting him back a year on his personal life, back to keeping secrets and pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Link wasn’t delusional. It was obvious that whatever he did with Rhett would be just sex. He’d hooked up with a few guys in the closet, so it wasn’t like he didn’t know that he was in for sex and silence.

But Rhett was the first person to get under his skin in this way, the first one that keeping secrets seemed to  _ matter.  _ And by the way Rhett was acting, he didn’t want this to be a one-off, or even a friends with benefits thing. He was conflicted. He wanted them to be friends. He wanted them to be more than friends. He wanted them to be less than friends so no one knew.

Link was just along for the ride. He convinced himself he didn’t have a choice in it.

When he got upstairs, he half-expected Rhett to tell him he’d changed his mind, that he didn’t want to do this anymore. It would have been both a disappointment and a relief. Rhett saying no would have sucked tremendously -- Link was desperately into him and he wanted to get fucked anyway -- but it would have helped. There would have been no more pressure to pretend this was ever going to happen. If Rhett said no now, Link could essentially wash his hands of things and remind himself Rhett had no idea what he wanted.

Instead, Link walked in, towel around his waist, and Rhett was on his couch, shirt off, clearly anxiously waiting for Link to get there. “That was a long ten minutes.”

It had only been seven minutes. Link had checked. He couldn’t wait the full ten minutes no matter how hard he tried to make himself. But even Rhett thought it had been too long. “You want to do this?”

“Yeah,” Rhett said, climbing over the back of the couch, positioned in the center of the room, to get to Link, to tilt his head back and kiss him. “I really want to.”

“It’s easier if you fuck me,” Link said. Rhett wasn’t ready for all the things that would come with getting fucked, not tonight, not this early in the game. But Rhett wasn’t a virgin, he’d made that clear. He could figure out fucking Link, and Link was sure of it.

“Whatever you want, Link,” he said, and Link wanted to stop, to shove him away, remind him that if it was up to Link, they wouldn’t be in this position in the first place, trying to sort out secrets and issues and the way that Rhett seemed so hot and cold. It wasn’t whatever Link wanted. It was what Rhett wanted, with Link’s guidance. But the reality was, Link wanted this, too, wanted Rhett to fill him up and pound him hard. He wouldn’t have suggested it if he didn’t want it.

“I want you to fuck me,” Link repeated, firmer this time. It wasn’t just easier. It was genuinely what he needed and he hated admitting that. “I want you, Rhett.”

“Fuck, Link,” Rhett said, as if the words were almost too heavy for him, and Link wanted to take them back. “I’ve been wanting you.”

_ Shit.  _ Link was in over his head. “How do you want me?” Link asked, leaning back in Rhett’s arms ,with Rhett holding him steady.

“It’s, uh, it’s easier if I’m behind you, right?”

_ Of course.  _ It wasn’t like Link didn’t like that position, didn’t like being fucked like that, but it seemed to be the “straight”-guy go-to, the easiest way to deny to themselves what they were doing. If they were going at it doggy style, he could pretend that he was fucking a girl if he wasn’t ready to admit it to himself, the reality of what he was doing. From that angle, Rhett wouldn’t be able to see Link’s dick, just his lithe body, his lean waist, and he could pretend he wasn’t doing what he was doing. But Link wanted it, and if that was how Rhett wanted it, well, at least it would feel good, he hoped.

Rhett entered him slowly, slower than he anticipated from someone who hadn’t done this before. “Yeah, that’s… oof. Okay, good, you’re good,” Link reassured him on the pacing, then decided to shut his mouth, afford Rhett the denial he was likely seeking.

Rhett, though, didn’t go for that. He leaned forward as he thrust into Link, kissing his neck, flicking his tongue forward to Link’s ear, gripping his hips and pulling himself deeper into Link, kissing his back and tracing his hands along Link’s body. “God, you’re… you’re so sexy, Link,” he said, and using Link’s name felt huge, felt like Rhett was recognizing what he was doing in this moment, recognizing that he was with Link. His hands kept wandering Link’s body, reaching around the front of him to grasp his cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts, and it left Link’s head spinning, left him wondering if he’d underestimated Rhett and what he wanted.

“Oh, god, yeah, like that,” Link groaned, feeling more confident in speaking up now, less worried that his voice would make Rhett change his mind mid-fuck. But Rhett pulled out of him as soon as he said it and Link wished he could take the words back, insecurity seeping into his skin.

“Turn over,” Rhett said, tapping his hip gently. Link exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “I want to see you, Link.”

Link was confused. Rhett didn’t want to face this, not in daylight, not in front of anyone, would go to any lengths to pretend this wasn’t who he was when it came down to it, but when they were alone, he didn’t just face Link. He embraced him. Link turned over like he’d asked and Rhett moved him, trying to position him in a way that left them face-to-face but also bodies together, legs tangled, hands lifting Link’s hips enough to grant him the perfect position as he slid into him again. The moment the angle was right, the rhythm was right, he was on Link, leaning down, kissing him. “You’re so sexy, Link, fuck… you’re beautiful,” he kept telling Link. Rhett kissed Link’s jawline, nosing at it and kissing his way down Link’s neck as he kept thrusting into him.

He used his hands to pin Link’s above his head, to keep Link where he wanted him, and he entwined their fingers, leaving Link breathless and speechless. His mouth worked down Link’s torso, and he kissed Link’s nipples, sucking and teasing one into his mouth, then working across his chest for the other one. He kissed Link’s ribs, nosing at the hair in Link’s armpits before kissing his bicep. Link’s biggest fear, that Rhett had initially wanted to separate himself from the fact that Link was a guy, that this was the reality, that he was fucking a guy, seemed to be far off the mark as Rhett put his focus on the things Link considered to be most manly about himself, and it felt like Rhett was charging at what he was doing head-on. “God, you’re so good, you’re so fucking tight, fuck,” Rhett groaned, and he kissed his way down to Link’s stomach. He was only an inch or two away from Link’s hard cock and Link ran his fingers through Rhett’s hair as soon as Rhett unpinned his hand.

“Keep bending like -- fuck -- that and you’re going to end up sucking me off while you pound -- oh! -- me,” Link joked, and Rhett seemed to take it as a dare.

“You want me to try to reach your cock? I probably could… you’re so fucking long, it’s insane. God, you’re perfect,” Rhett said, and he kissed Link again, biting at his lips, already cherry-red from what they’d been doing.

“Can you?” Link asked, half in jest, half in interest, and he used a couple of fingers to hold his dick straight up, closer toward Rhett’s mouth. Rhett wanted to try, bending down and curling over himself as he pushed into Link. He couldn’t bend that far, not far enough to really take it, but he could get his tongue on the tip and lick it, eyes flashing at Link, and as he wrapped his lips around it while pushing into Link, Link thought he might die. “Holy shit,” he said, looking at Rhett in awe and pleasure. Rhett did what he could, working Link’s tip as he pushed inside, then sat up to push into him deeper.

“Sorry, I can’t, ugh, my back,” Rhett apologized, but Link reached up, wrapping a hand around his head to draw him down into a kiss.

“Doesn’t matter. That was awesome,” Link said, almost too enthusiastic for his own comfort in hindsight.

“Yeah? So I impress you, do I?” Rhett goaded him on, pushing into him more. It was as if stroking his ego was stroking his cock, too, the way he half-moaned the words, and Link could see the effect it was having on him.

“Yeah,” he said, giving in and stroking his ego more. “You impress me a lot. God, you’re so good at this, fuck, Rhett, that’s perfect.” It was having the intended effect because Rhett was thrusting faster, harder.

“I might come,” he warned, and Link wrapped a leg around him to pull him in.

“Yeah? You going to come for me?”

“Yeah,” Rhett answered, leaning forward again to kiss Link, to put one hand on his cheek and stroke it gently with his thumb. “Oh fuck,” he cursed and he was leaning onto Link more, gripping his shoulder with one hand and grunting as he came. But then he was moving off of Link again, fast, not even bothering to strip off the condom that was clinging to his still-hard cock. Instead, he was slipping down the bed, getting his mouth on Link and sucking his cock, bobbing his head and glancing up at Link. Link really  _ had  _ underestimated Rhett and the things he would do for him, the way he would be on him, not hiding this, not pretending this wasn’t exactly what it was. He was doing this, facing Link, facing it head on and making sure it was good for them both.

“Fuck,” Link groaned, his fingers teasing at Rhett’s hair and trying to get another glimpse at the grey-green eyes. “Yeah, oh, god,” he said, leaning his head back and arching off the bed. “Right there.” He wasn’t sure what Rhett was doing, but it felt perfect, like he’d somehow found this magic spot and could feel the twitch in Link’s leg that it caused, and he’d decided to play it like a harp string with his tongue, flicking it there again and again until Link imagined he was nearly convulsing. “I’m close.”

“Mmm, yeah? Okay,” Rhett said, lifting off of him just enough to say it as he moved his lips to the side of Link’s cock, kissing the length of it and slowing things down like he wasn’t quite ready for Link to finish. But then he backed off, getting his hand on Link and stroking him faster, looking in his eyes. At this point, Link would have gladly taken over for him, taken matters into his own hands as long as Rhett would just let him look at him, but Rhett seemed perfectly happy to do it for Link, and Link wasn’t complaining, letting Rhett coax him to a finish. “God, you look good like that. You look so good like that,” Rhett promised him. Link wanted to respond, to say something, to say anything, but he couldn’t with the way Rhett kept going until he was aiming Link’s cock at himself, letting Link come on him. As he laid down beside Link, arm sore and body tired, he swiped his finger through Link’s come and licked it off. “Fuck.”

“That was,” Link panted, “you’re really good.” The sentence didn’t have to make sense. Nothing about this made sense. Link hadn’t wanted to do this, hadn’t wanted to hide it, and now after doing it, he was certain he’d do it a thousand times if it meant being with Rhett  _ like this.  _ But now they were done and it was the inevitable letdown, the part where Rhett would mumble something about needing to leave and would go to his dorm.

“When does your roommate get back?” Rhett asked, and Link knew what that meant.  _ How much longer until we’re risking getting caught? _

“Tomorrow night. He’s visiting his girlfriend on the other side of the state.”

“Oh,” Rhett nodded. Link wondered if he was upset that he’d taken Rhett’s excuse to leave, but Rhett leaned in and kissed him. “I’m going to have to go back before my roommate wakes up and wonders where I disappeared to last night. I, uh… I’m not really sure I want him asking questions.”

Link nodded. At least Rhett was easy in his let down.

“But that’s not for a couple of hours,” he said, and he nuzzled against Link’s neck. “Mind if I spend that time with you?”

“You can definitely do that,” Link said. He tried not to let on how happy something as simple as him not ditching the second they’d hooked up made him. It felt like, as fucked up as things were and as weird as it was that they were hiding it, Rhett really didn’t act like every closeted guy he’d been with before. Hell, he was a million times better than the jerk Link had occasionally been before he’d come out, hitting and quitting people before they could really catch onto what he was doing. Or maybe they did know, considering Link wasn’t exactly blind to it now. In hindsight, he’d been worse than Rhett, though, and that led to his underestimations of him now. Rhett actually seemed to be in this, even if it was secret.

“What’s your favorite class?” Rhett asked.

“Are you making small talk with me after you just pounded the living daylights out of me?” Link raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“I could make smaller talk if you want. What’s your favorite color? Or if small talk isn’t your thing, I dunno, what’s the meaning of life, I guess?”

Link leaned into Rhett, kissing him, straddling him and pinning his wrists to the bed to kiss his neck. “Now, sociology, but usually my mandatory creative writing class that I figured I was going to hate.” He kissed Rhett’s collarbone. “Blue. Or maybe mustard yellow. I can’t decide.” He kissed down one more time, teasing his tongue at Rhett’s nipple. “And the meaning of life is this.”

“This as in my nipples?”

Link snorted as Rhett chuckled, eyes crinkling at the edges. “No, jerk, I mean like… this. Like, having intimate moments with people. Not just sex, but the greater intimacy. I think life is about intimacy in various forms and the way it affects us.”

“That’s deep,” Rhett said, biting his lip and calming his case of the giggles. “Kiss me.”

_ Two days.  _ They’d laid there talking until Link was half asleep, dozing in and out of consciousness until he saw the first peek of sunlight coming through the cheap blinds in his room. “I should go,” Rhett had said, kissing his cheek. “But we should do this again.”

“Text me,” Link said. He didn’t add the part where he needed Rhett to text him because he’d deleted his number.

“I will. Promise,” Rhett said.

The two days didn’t bother Link because of regret or because of a deep need for them to do it again because the sex had been good. And the sex had, of course, been good, to Link’s surprise. The two days got under his skin, killed him in ways he didn’t expect, because he didn’t just like the sex they’d had. He liked Rhett. And that felt like it was going to be a problem as long as they were keeping this quiet… but it was a problem Link was ready to embrace if it meant another moment like that.

His great need for Rhett after just two days scared him, though.

Link Neal didn’t like giving up his sense of control, and somehow, Rhett had snuck up on him and taken it completely.

Link wanted him, wanted that, wanted more. It was enough to tell him one thing: he was totally fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to clemwasjustagirl/shewasjustagirl, fanbabble, and mythical-trash for the help, inspiration, and beta reading <3


	11. Complete Douche

“We have to hurry,” Rhett said, grunting with each thrust into Link. “I have class in like 15 minutes.” The pressure was on for them both to finish in time for him to get there, and things were a little desperate.

“I’m close, just don’t stop,” Link pleaded, shifting his hips and pulling Rhett in for another kiss. They’d managed to sneak a few minutes of time together twice in the past week. First, they’d hooked up in the showers -- this time with lube -- and now they were in Rhett’s dorm, door locked, desk chair wedged underneath the handle. Rhett’s roommate was at work but he didn’t want to take any chances.

“I’m not gonna stop,” Rhett promised, continuing the punishing pace he’d set until their conversation stopped entirely. Link arched his back, feeling breathless over what Rhett was doing, and he wrapped his leg around Rhett’s waist, trying to pull him deeper. His arms could just barely reach to pull Rhett in harder, too, signal that rougher, deeper,  _ more  _ was okay with him. “You’re so fucking tight, Link, holy shit. How are you this tight?”

“I… oh, fuck, yeah, right there, fuck me harder… jesus, I don’t know,” Link said, moaning immediately after the words left his mouth. He loved everything about this. In the shower, they had to be silent, hands over each other’s mouths if they threatened to let even a whimper escape. Their voices always stayed quiet to the point where they had to rely on subtle, non-verbal cues to help each other out. That was always a fun time, something different, a connection Link loved. But Link also loved this, the way that sex wasn’t just shameless fucking, mind quickies they both tried to get through. 

Sex felt like something powerful between them, and when they talked each other through it, the way Rhett praised everything about Link, it turned him on to the point he couldn’t help but want more.

Rhett moved, pressing against his prostate and nudging against it with small, sharp thrusts. “Shit, Rhett, that’s… fuck…” When Link came, he didn’t even have his hand on himself. Instead, he was tugging at his own hair, shuddering over how Rhett did what he was doing so well. He couldn’t help but come all over himself, groaning as Rhett continued to push deeper into him. He swiped at the come on his stomach, licking it off of his fingers with eyes meant to tease Rhett, to tempt him, hell, to thank him.

“Give it to me,” Rhett said, voice a near whisper as he continued thrusting. “Let me taste.” His voice was ragged, probably from the sounds he’d made entering Link. Link did what he asked, swiping at the last of the come and running his fingertips over Rhett’s lips, letting Rhett suck the pads of his fingers into his mouth. That did it for Rhett, left him groaning, Link feeling the vibrations of the sound in his fingers, Rhett’s eyes half-closed and heavy-lidded as he came, leaning down to kiss Link.

Sex with Rhett was damn near making love, not just fucking. It was raw and passionate and sensual in a way Link didn’t have a ton of experience with. He’d had a boyfriend at one point, one that could elicit the same sort of need from him that Rhett did, but this felt different and forbidden, not so much like having a partner but instead a person who would drift in, give the head-spinning, heart-pounding, mind-racing rush, then be gone as quickly as he came.

Rhett held him for a second, arms wrapped around Link as he cradled him, nuzzling at Link’s neck with gentle kisses. “I’m going to be late,” he sighed, but he didn’t seem willing to let go quite yet.

“Go,” Link urged. “I’ll see you around.” Link rolled out from under him, grabbing his own clothes and tugging them on, running fingers through his hair to smooth it back into place until Rhett tossed him a comb to use. Link was almost ready to move the chair away from the door, slip out into the hall and pretend they’d only been studying or something, but before he could, Rhett tugged him in.

“Not going to give me a kiss for luck? I have a test today.” Rhett smirked and crinkled his nose.

“Good luck,” Link said, slipping an arm around Rhett as he kissed him. “Go before they fail you for being late, nerd.” He smiled and Rhett kissed him on the nose, pushing the door out of the way for Link.

Rhett wasn’t going to be late. Despite the way they’d seemed to take their time, they’d somehow finished at record speed, giving Rhett just enough time to get across campus and slide into his seat before the professor locked the door for the test to start.

But Link found himself wanting. The things he did with Rhett, during and after sex, felt downright domestic. A kiss goodbye with luck before a test felt like something newlyweds would do, not two guys who were secretly fucking whenever their roommates’ schedules allowed for it. Link wasn’t going to push, though. Right now, he was just taking whatever he could get with Rhett.

It was what happened outside of that time that always threw Link for a loop. That night at dinner, he slumped into the chair at the table Josh and Chase were at, for lack of anyone better to sit with. It wasn’t that he disliked sitting with Chase at dinner, and Josh seemed cool enough, but they were still massively infatuated with each other. Link couldn’t be positive that Chase wasn’t giving Josh a low-key handjob under the table. There wasn’t a problem with that. They could do whatever the hell they wanted, Link figured. In fact, had he not been so hung up on Rhett, he might have joked about it, made some sort of passing attempt to join them, see if they were down for adding someone to their fun.

But he had it bad for Rhett, wishing he could walk up to him, sit next to him, try the same things Chase and Josh were so wrapped up in. Perks of being out, he figured. When Link finally did see Rhett across the room, glancing over at him with a slight nod hello, Rhett avoided his gaze, looking away as if he hadn’t seen Link at all. It drove Link mad, frustrating the hell out of him. At first, he focused on his food, not letting it get to him, or trying not to. But the more he sat there, the more it ate at him. He glanced up at Rhett again, and Rhett was looking at him, but the second he met Link’s eyes, he looked away again. It was like he was doing everything he could to avoid eye contact, and Link was annoyed.

 

**Rhett from Sociology**

 

Afraid someone might see me glance at you?

You know you wouldn’t even notice me looking if you weren’t staring.

  
  


 

Link sent the texts, then waited, watching. Rhett picked his phone up, read the texts, and his cheeks turned red. Then he put his phone down without a reply.

  
  


 

Chill. No one noticed.

It’s not like I waved or something like the last guy you messed around with.

Somebody might see these texts, though.

Seriously, can we talk about this later?

Yeah. Okay. Want to “study” tonight? My roommate has work.

Can’t tonight.

Okay, then… you going to shower later? Need help washing your back?

No.

  
  


Link gave up after that. Rhett’s answer was clear: No. It was like there were two Rhetts: the one who wrapped his arms around Link during sex, told him how beautiful he was and that he felt so good, that he was the sexiest man he’d ever seen, and then this Rhett, the one-word-answer, we-can’t-talk-about-this-here Rhett who was scared someone might see him get a text from someone he had a class with. He didn’t like this Rhett, but he’d tolerate him if it meant more time with the side of Rhett he did like, so he stopped pushing. If Rhett didn’t want to talk, he wouldn’t talk.

“You texting him?” Chase asked, eyeing the phone in Link’s hand.

“No,” Link said, turning the screen off and putting his phone down.

“Yeah, that face says you are. Come on, Link. I know you better than that. What’s the deal with you two?”

“No deal,” Link said. It was true. Nothing was happening between them.They weren’t  _ anything.  _ Link didn’t even know why he cared so much. He’d been with guys and it had been nothing, so he didn’t understand why Rhett got under his skin. “He’s just a friend, Chase. Chill, okay?”

“Wow, Mr. Defensive all of a sudden. You know that makes me less likely to believe you’re just friends, right?” Chase raised an eyebrow, hand movement continuing under the table enough that Link wondered if they were legitimately having this conversation while Chase got Josh off. But then Josh left to get a waffle, with zero sign of any funny business, and Link started to wonder if he was just imagining things in the first place.

“It’s complicated. He’s not out, which effectively means if I want to hook up with him, I have to get a hell of a lot more low-key so no one thinks when he’s hanging out with me, or thinks that it’s anything.”

“It doesn’t have to be anything, Link. You don’t have to change yourself to hang out with someone just because you’re gay. Gay guys and straight guys are friends. Isn’t that how this whole thing started? You asking him shit because he was straight?” Link had eventually broken down and told Chase the entire story, and Chase clearly hadn’t forgotten that part.

“Except I do have to change who I am and stop being so goddamn obviously gay right now. He panicked because Josh  _ waved  _ at him. You really think he’s going to be that chill if I’m studying with him -- actually studying -- and his roommate comes in and I’ve got some massive rhinestone choker on that says HOMO on it?”

“Oh come on, we all know you save that campy-ass shit for the club,” Chase giggled. Both of them also knew he didn’t have anything remotely like that -- not that he wouldn’t, but that he didn’t -- but the point stood. Link felt the need to strip away any sign that he was gay from himself if he was going to spend any time at all with Rhett. He wasn’t entirely sure how to be straight; it had been a long time since he’d pretended to be, and as much as he hated admitting it, he  _ had  _ at one time pretended to be straight, right up until the day he got caught hooking up with the football kicker he was tutoring.

For some reason, Link never really ended up being passably straight. Even when he’d tried, it was almost more of an open secret than anything. He’d tried hiding it, tried dodging guys who hit on him with a generic “oh my god, I have a girlfriend, don’t be gross” attitude similar to the one Rhett currently had. But when he’d come out, no one was really all that surprised. His mother didn’t love it, but she’d also been anticipating him actually coming out and saying it.

So for Link, trying to feign a lack of interest in Rhett was nearly impossible. When he wanted someone, he usually went all-out and didn’t hide it. He’d never hidden it with Chase, and they’d only ever been fuckbuddies anyway. He hadn’t wanted more with Chase. They met each other’s needs, and that was plenty, but it had never been a secret what Link wanted.

But Rhett felt like he could be more, felt like he could be  _ something,  _ if only he’d get over the ridiculous notion that he was straight. The way he looked Link in the eyes, the way he kissed him, the way he made love to him, all said otherwise. More than Link wanted Rhett to come out so they could be more open about things, he wanted Rhett to come out for Rhett’s sake, so he could stop hiding that part of him and only showing that beautiful, intimate side to Link. Not that Link wanted him to hook up with other guys at all -- he was hoping to keep Rhett to himself, if he was being honest -- but because Link thought he had a lot to offer the world if he’d just let himself be free.

“None of it matters. He’s not going to come out, so we’re just going to keep doing what we’re doing. Or not. I don’t really know what he wants, to be honest,” Link admitted. “Anyway, I have to go study. We have a group project that he’s dodging me on and I need to at least pick a topic for it if he won’t.”

“You’re doing his homework for him? God, Link. You  _ do  _ have it bad. That’s gross,” Chase quipped, chuckling as Josh returned and he stuck his finger into the whipped cream on top, licking it off.

“Speak for yourself,” Link said, rolling his eyes and looking between the two of them. “Isn’t this your first meal to get out of bed for in what, two, three days?” All three of them laughed at that, but Link still felt the pain of having to keep quiet. “I’m heading out. Try to keep your hands off of each other for like, one meal, okay?” Link felt like a bad friend for not asking more, asking how that was going, if they were a  _ thing  _ thing or just a hookup that wasn’t exactly a secret. Instead, he left the cafeteria, unwilling to sit and watch as those two enjoyed each other a little too much when the object of his affection couldn’t even meet his gaze.

 

**Rhett from Sociology**

 

Come over?

It’s 2am

My roommate just left with a bottle of vodka and a box of condoms. He won’t be back anytime soon.

Seriously?

Link, please.

 

 

Link didn’t know why he was protesting. He wanted this, wanted time with Rhett, wanted anything he could get.

 

 

Give me half an hour.

I have to wait that long?

You do if you want to fuck me.

Skip that. Come watch a movie. I’ll make it worth your while.

 

A movie and a good time, without having to douche? Link didn’t have to be asked twice, tugging on clean underwear that made his dick look bigger and his favorite jeans and slipping out of the room quietly, before his roommate could ask questions. When he got there, knocking quietly, Rhett practically pulled him into the room. He barely bothered to jam the chair under the doorknob before his lips were on Link’s, a far cry from how he’d acted in the cafeteria. “God, Link, I missed you.”

“Your texts at dinner didn’t exactly say as much,” Link said, unable to resist calling Rhett on how he’d acted.

“Someone could see,” Rhett tried to defend himself, but Link wasn’t buying it.

“No one was looking at your phone. And besides, all I did was look at you.” Link put a hand between them, pushing Rhett back from kissing his neck. It was distracting Link from his frustration.

“Link, please. Do you seriously not get it? This could fuck over my entire life if someone found out. Hell, I’m pretty damn sure my roommate is a complete homophobe, okay? Just… just stop.”

“Where are you at with this, Rhett? I mean, I’m not trying to be a jackass or anything here, but are you really still trying to convince yourself you’re straight? Do you really, genuinely, actually believe that there’s anything straight about us, or about this?”

For a long several seconds, Rhett didn’t say anything. Then, he looked at Link, taking his hand. “No. Obviously I’m not fucking straight, okay? Obviously. But can we please stop acting like that’s even what the issue is here? Are you really that mad over me not wanting to say I’m not straight?”

“No,” Link confessed. He wasn’t mad about that. He wasn’t even remotely upset about it. “I don’t really care what you are. What I do care about is that you can go from making me feel like I’m the only guy in the world to not even bothering to make eye contact. I mean, what gives, Rhett? Is your roommate so homophobic that you can’t speak to guys at all? That you can’t study with me? We used to study just fine, and then all of this shit went down and now you act terrified to even study. Do you think I’m going to, I don’t fucking know, sit on your lap at the study group or something? Because I’m not. When I ask for us to meet to work on our project, I mean that I legitimately want to work on our project. I’m not pushing something on you, but you act like you’re terrified that if we make eye contact in the dining hall, I’ll suddenly decide to cross the room and jump your bones. I don’t care if you’re… you’re… whatever you want to call yourself. I  _ do  _ care if you’re going to keep acting like I’m going to try to publicly hit on you every time I look at you or ask you to grab coffee so we can go over class notes.”

“That’s not… jesus, Link, is that really what you think?”

“What am I supposed to think?” This wasn’t at all how Link expected this to go. Walking to Rhett’s dorm at two in the morning, with Rhett saying he’d make it worth it, left Link figuring he’d get a blowjob or something. Instead, they were full-on fighting, and that wasn’t at all what he’d wanted.

“I’m not scared of what you’ll do,” Rhett confessed, avoiding Link’s gaze once again. “I’m scared of how I won’t be able to keep it a secret how I feel. Look at me, Link.” Rhett glanced down, gesturing to his crotch. “You’re practically yelling at me, angry with me, and just being this close to me has me hard. How do I sit in a coffee shop with you, read notes, and expect no one is going to see the fact that I’m bulging out of my damn jeans ‘cause you’re sitting close to me and… and looking and smelling like you do?”

“Goddammit, Rhett,” Link sighed, backing Rhett against the wall and kissing him. “You’re so frustrating sometimes.” His hand found its way down Rhett’s torso, working into his pants as Rhett sighed, content. “What am I even going to do about this?”

“Whatever you want, Link. Nobody’s here to see how bad I have it for you. Do anything you want to me.”

“I’m still annoyed,” Link admitted, stroking Rhett as he said the words. He didn’t want to be completely honest, not really. He didn’t want to tell Rhett that it wasn’t really annoyance so much as hurt. He was hurt by the things Rhett was doing, but he was flattered by why he was doing it.

“I know,” Rhett said. “I’m a douchebag. I get it.”

“All of this to avoid your roommate?” Link asked him, not denying Rhett's claim he was a total ass sometimes, rucking Rhett’s shirt up and letting his mouth find his way to Rhett’s nipples.

“And my mom, and my pastor, and my friends. Nobody would get this, Link. You really think any of them would understand?”

“Have you given them the chance to?” Link asked. But after that, he was done pushing. It was Rhett’s decision, and as much as it killed Link, he knew he’d be around until Rhett asked him not to be, whether or not he decided to come out.

“Jeez, Link,” Rhett muttered, arching his back and groaning into it. Any semblance of actual conversation about this was lost for now, and neither of them had mentioned the promised movie. Instead, Rhett tugged Link back up to mouth-level, kissing him harder. “Speaking of complete douches…” he started, kissing Link halfway through his thought, “if you wanted to fuck me tonight for a change, you, uh… you can if you want.”


	12. How Much Time?

“Are you sure you want that?” Link asked him, hesitant to actually take him up on Rhett’s suggestion Link fuck him. It was what he wanted, but it seemed like a lot to ask, a lot to give, a lot to do. Link had been stalling on it, too. For every time Rhett had asked him to, he’d given him some sort of reason he couldn’t -- Rhett wasn’t ready, Rhett didn’t realize what kind of prep work it took, Rhett didn’t know what he was getting himself into. Link always had a plan as to why  _ not. _

That didn’t have anything to do with Link not wanting to fuck him and everything to do with Link being scared of what it would do if he took Rhett’s bottoming v-card. Rhett still didn’t know who he was or what he wanted, and Link feared that if Rhett went in half-cocked, without realizing that there was something a little different when it came to being fucked versus fucking someone, it might go horribly wrong.

And in most cases, it wasn’t even like there was something different. It was just like… a thing. But Rhett still insisted to so many people that he was straight. Link figured he was only one bad time away from turning away from Link permanently. Link’s own self-doubt crept in. What if he wasn’t good enough at it? He didn’t know why it was a worry -- he’d done this before, with more than one guy -- but somehow it weighed on his mind.

“Link, come on, stop stalling and do it. I’m sure,” Rhett said. Link had been trying to slow things down, to kiss Rhett, stroke him, make Rhett somehow change his mind about this if Link got him all worked up. Link was desperately trying to suck Rhett off, get him off so he wouldn’t want Link to do this anymore. He’d sacrifice not getting any reciprocation if Rhett would change his mind. But Rhett wasn’t budging. He was pulling Link back up again. “Please. I’ve wanted it ever since you pulled up that porn. Maybe before if I’m honest. I don’t know.”

Rhett looked at the floor like he’d said too much, let too much on. Link had always assumed the porn was the catalyst for Rhett doing what he was doing, the thing that sort of pushed him over the edge into being more open-minded about his attraction to guys, or Link specifically. But the way he talked now, it felt like something he’d had lingering for longer than Link imagined, and that was a shock. “Before?”

“I don’t know, Link, does it matter right now? Just… just do it, jeez,” he pushed, then tacked on “if you want to,” like he was second-guessing Link’s interest.

“I want to,” Link answered, kissing at Rhett’s neck and nuzzling closer to him. “I do, I promise, I… I’m…” Link sighed and took a deep breath. “I’m a little worried you’ll freak out after and push me away again.”

“Stop,” Rhett said at that, pushing Link back a step or two so he could look at him. “Do you think that’s all I do? Pull you closer, push you away? Is that why you won’t do this?”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you always mean to,” Link said, effectively both answering and dodging Rhett’s question.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I push you away and I’m sorry I freak out but it’s a lot -- a  _ lot  _ \-- to process sometimes. I get that you had it so much easier and didn’t, I don’t know, feel this confused and messed up, but I didn’t have that, I didn’t… I still have to think about who I’m hurting if I do this,” Rhett sighed. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want it.”

“You honestly think I had it easy? You know how my coming out went? Because Rhett, I pretended I was straight for a while, too, but it didn’t mean I could be a dick to people after I’d messed around with them,” Link said. He was fudging a little bit, ignoring the time in his past where he’d been less-than-stellar to a hookup. It didn’t matter. He had things sorted out. Rhett didn’t. Fucking around like this didn’t help that.

“You’re not going to do it, are you?” Rhett asked, sidestepping Link so he was no longer near the wall Link had him against. “You know what? Just forget it. If you’re that upset that I won’t, I don’t know, go screaming into the halls how fucking into you I am, maybe this shouldn’t even, ugh… maybe we should just stop while we’re ahead.”

“For good?” Link asked. Somehow, he’d pushed Rhett to the point that Rhett was giving up on him altogether. That, he wasn’t so sure he was okay with.

“Yeah. I mean, this is nice. It’s real nice. You and I… I don’t know, I… I like what we have. But if this is always going to be an issue, I don’t know what to do, Link.” Rhett backed up, sitting down on his bed and putting his face in his hands for a second, then looking back up at Link. “Why does it all have to be so freakin’ complicated? Can’t we just… I don’t know, do this? Do what we’re doing and not worry about what else happens outside of it? I mean, I don’t mean don’t worry about it. Obviously I’m really worried about it, but I mean…”

“You mean can’t we just fuck and keep it quiet?”

“Yeah,” Rhett admitted.

“I want to,” Link sighed, sitting down next to him. “It’s… it’s more complicated than that. For me, it means, you know, not letting on that I’m… I’m gay. At all. I spend all my time worrying now that I’m going to accidentally out you just by being gay and in your general vicinity, even if I don’t interact with you. You’re basically saying you can’t be near me because of how you might act, but now there’s always going to be that part of me that’s really aware of how me being, hell, in the same class as you or something, might make someone think there’s something here. And there is, but if we have to be so secret about it like we have been… I don’t know where it leaves us.”

“I don’t know, either,” Rhett said. “What I do know is… we probably shouldn’t, uh…” For a long time, Rhett didn’t say anything, and Link didn’t try to finish the sentence for him. Enough time passed that Link started to wonder if he should leave, so he finally stood up. “Link? Wait.”

Link paused for a second, not turning back to look at Rhett, just stopping in his tracks and waiting.

“We could still watch a movie.”

“Yeah, okay.”

The movie felt like a test. Link was trying hard to keep his distance, to remind himself that whatever this had been, it wasn’t that now. They weren’t doing that, and in Link’s mind, it was probably an end to all of it. Part of him kicked himself and wished he’d done it when Rhett asked instead of overthinking, had the experience  _ before  _ they decided it was over, that this was a friendship, a thing where they watched movies together now instead.

But Rhett nudged closer to Link, brushing his hand against Link’s and looping his finger with Link’s finger to try to get closer. Link shifted his hand slightly, in hopes Rhett would make a move if that’s what he was aiming for, or back off if it had been accidental. In a way, it felt like the first time they’d watched porn together, when Rhett started to make a move and Link worried it was accidental. But that time hadn’t been clouded with the doubt Link currently held, the doubt that made Link think this time, it was more likely an accident than anything. But then Rhett took his hand, entwining their fingers and glancing over at Link as if to silently ask permission for what was happening. Link gave his hand a small squeeze, a wordless  _ yes.  _

It was weird, watching a movie together. They’d sort of done that before, tried to watch a movie back when Rhett was trying to be his friend, after they’d already started doing things they shouldn’t have. But this felt different, heavier, and it didn’t take long for Rhett to be pulling him closer, ignoring the movie to get Link’s lips on his, and before the second act of the movie, Link was lying on Rhett, making out with him and tugging at his hair. “Is this okay?” Rhett murmured as he let his hands wander. Now, it felt like they had to be clearer about asking. It had only been an hour since they’d decided sex wasn’t the answer, and now they were back on it, back with Rhett trying to touch, and Link was nodding.

“Yeah,” he breathed, kissing Rhett again. For every step they moved forward toward trying to be normal and platonic, they took two steps back into the passion and pleasure they sought from each other, and it was a delicate balance to walk.

“You know I always wanted it to be like this,” Rhett said softly. “Normal. Like we could watch movies or make out or just… be  _ together,  _ I don’t know.”

“Yeah?” Link asked. He didn’t really know what to say otherwise, to ask what Rhett meant by what he was saying.

“I know it’s all fucked up, Link. I get it. As long as things are how they are, it can’t ever be normal.”

“I know,” Link agreed. They’d been over it time and time again. This wasn’t new information.

“I don’t want to stop doing this, is what I’m saying,” Rhett clarified. There it was. Back at square one, back where they’d been earlier that night, with Rhett wanting the best of both worlds, wanting Link, wanting privacy, wanting it all.

“I don’t either,” Link admitted, and he kicked himself. “I don’t like this, though.”

“Give me time?” Rhett asked, continuing to kiss Link, to hold him close, to give Link a million reasons for why waiting would be worth it.

“How much time, Rhett? How long am I going to wait for this to be normal?” Link could feel the lump forming in his throat, the ultimatum killing him to make.

“How long are you willing to give me?” Rhett asked. Link didn’t want to answer. If he let his head answer, this had already gone on for too long. If he let his heart answer, he’d wait as long as it took. There wasn’t a good answer here. “Link, please. How long?”

“I don’t know,” Link finally admitted. “It’s not that easy.”

“I know. But I don’t want this to be over,” Rhett said, pulling Link closer. Link didn’t know what this was, or what it was going to be, but it was pretty clear it wasn’t over, and it might not ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because tumblr has decided to basically nuke itself, I will likely no longer be posting fic updates over there. If you'd like to continue following my fics, I'd genuinely appreciate if you subscribe to the fics you enjoy here, or subscribe to me as a user, or check back to see when something has been updated. Currently, Getting Off updates on Mondays.


	13. Sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: alcohol, vomit.

Link hadn’t even remotely wanted to come to this party. The bass was loud and his head was pounding. He had hoped to use the opportunity of having his roommate gone for the night to his advantage, to convince Rhett to come over, for them to do something, but Rhett was back to the icy cold chill that he had half the time. They’d promised each other they were going to figure it out, take it slow, keep it quiet, but when they were working on their group project -- actually working -- Rhett’s roommate had approached them in the coffee shop. “What is this, a date?” he asked, looking back and forth between them, and Link’s heart sank.

“We’re just studying,” Link said, but Rhett got defensive.

“Yeah, you don’t exactly get to choose your group partner,” he’d told his roommate, right in front of Link. “Have to work with what I’ve got.”

It stung. Link knew the words were coming from a place of fear, but it still hurt to hear him say it, to think that he was only doing this because he had to. Once Rhett’s roommate had walked away, Link leaned in and lowered his voice. “Don’t worry. It’s due in three weeks, and then you can be done with me.” From there, he’d slammed his books closed and stood up, walking off without looking at Rhett.

For all he knew, maybe he’d sparked the icy chill between them. Maybe it was the way he’d snapped and walked off that left Rhett thinking he was done with it. It didn’t matter… when he’d texted Rhett in hopes they could hang out that night, he’d gotten silence in return.

As a result, he was at the party, back against the wall, watching everyone mix and mingle. Frat parties especially weren’t his thing. There was a reason he hadn’t rushed, and it was to avoid things like this, which felt like a mandatory part of greek life. Either way, he was done with waiting for Rhett to text him back, and that was why he was standing here, drinking something with too much alcohol for good sense. He needed another drink. Whatever he was holding was nearly empty and he wasn’t getting through the party without more of it.

Everything on the table was a bright, almost obnoxious color. For a neon party, they’d gone all out and the drinks were intense, almost UV sort of colors that looked damn near poisonous. Link couldn’t decide, scooping out a bright yellow drink and a bright blue one in his cup to make something that resembled toxic waste green.

“Save some for the rest of us,” a voice muttered, and he looked up. He didn’t recognize the guy speaking to him, but the laugh of the guy next to him was distinctly Rhett’s laugh.

“Oh, hey,” he said, looking right at Rhett, not bothering to answer his friend, teammate, whatever.

“Do I know you?” Rhett asked him, his sneer harsh but his eyes apologetic as one of his teammates chuckled and mumbled “freak” under his breath.

“Cool,” Link said, nodding and turning around, his back to Rhett as he decided to push through the crowd. All he wanted was to leave, and as he drained the drink in his hand, crushing the cup, he considered walking out the front door and heading back to his dorm. But somewhere inside the party was the group he came with, and leaving without saying a word seemed shitty.

Instead, he pushed his way into the cool air and sat on the porch, wishing he’d grabbed another drink until he realized how lightheaded he felt anyway. For a long time, he sat there alone. He wasn’t completely alone -- there were people around him, making out, drinking, smoking, talking -- but for all intents and purposes, he may as well have been. No one was actively talking to him. Not that he wanted to talk. He very much didn’t want to talk to anyone.

But there was something frustrating about being out there, cool night air be damned, so he pushed his way back inside. A bathroom was the thing he was really after now, that many drinks in, and he stumbled his way through the house in search of one. When he was tipsy, it was like a maze, a pulse of bodies and doors and people. As he opened one door, he found a bedroom, bed clearly occupied. Another room had nothing but a locked door. As he shoved the third door open, he found it, lights on, also occupied.

He didn’t have to look closely to realize it was Rhett with his lips on a girl’s neck, the same way he’d kissed Link before. Not realizing he’d been nauseated, only needing to take a leak, Link found himself dry heaving before pushing his way past Rhett in search of a toilet without a word.

“Ew, what the fuck?” the girl groaned, hopping off of the vanity she’d been sitting on and trying to drag Rhett out of the room. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else,” she said, unwilling to keep making out as long as she could hear Link clearly losing all of the alcohol he’d consumed that night.

“I’ll catch up with you,” Rhett said.

It was enough to make her leave him alone in there, and as soon as she was gone, he locked the door and ran some cool water, searching the drawers for a washcloth. He wrung it out, then draped it over Link’s neck, kneeling beside him. “You okay?”

Between heaves, Link took a deep breath, resting his head on his arm. “Yeah, like you care. You don’t even know me,” Link said.

“I’m sorry,” Rhett said, rubbing his back. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, whatever. It’s getting old.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m here, though, okay? I’m right here. You can hate me if you want, but I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere until you’re back in your room. I’ll take you there myself.”

“Someone will see you talking to me,” Link mumbled, then he heaved again, nothing coming up because there was nothing left.

“I don’t care.”

“You do care,” Link mumbled, turning away from the toilet and burying his face in his hands as he sat on the ground. “You care a lot.”

“You’re sick. I just want to get you home safely.”

“Why the fuck do you want to, Rhett? So you can pretend like you don’t know me tomorrow, or worse, that I somehow made you or roped you in or left you stuck with me? Go away, Rhett. Seriously. Leave me the fuck alone.”

“No,” Rhett said. “If you’re mad at me, fine, and if you’re wanting me not to like, make a move on you, great. I won’t. But if you’re saying I can’t make sure you get home safely, then no. You don’t get to be in charge of that when you’re this sick.” Rhett was frustrated and angry, more mad at himself than anyone else. He had a feeling if he hadn’t been all up on some girl, Link wouldn’t be acting like he was right now.

Link started to doze off, leaning his head down on his knees, with a snore escaping from him. “Fuck,” Rhett muttered, getting closer to him and putting a hand on his cheek. “Hey, hey, Link, wake up, okay? I’m going to get you back to your place but you have to stay awake, okay? Wake up.” Link barely stirred. “Come on, Link, I’m here, wake up,” Rhett said, trying anything he could to get him up. The knocking at the door only intensified the situation, the need for him to get Link to wake up. “Someone’s in here,” he shouted, hoping to buy time. “Come on, Link, come on, you have to get up.” He shook him and Link stirred, looking at him.

“What’s she got that I don’t?” Link mumbled, eyes heavy-lidded.

“Can I tell you when I get you cleaned up? Someone needs in here,” he groaned, trying his hardest to lift Link from the ground.

“It’s because she’s a girl, isn’t it?” Link asked, looking at Rhett.

“No, Link. It’s not. Come on.” Rhett pulled him up and Link struggled to his feet. “There’s got to be mouthwash somewhere in here,” Rhett said, but he struggled to find any. Instead, he bent Link over the sink a little bit. “Here.” He turned on the water and cupped his hands under it. “Drink. Or, uh, rinse your mouth. Whatever you need to do.” Link did what he was told, resting his lips against Rhett’s thumb and making an obnoxious slurping sound to draw the water from Rhett’s hands into his mouth. He swished and spit, barely missing Rhett’s hand, then slurped more water from his hands, drinking everything Rhett was offering until the knocks came louder from the other side. Rhett took the washcloth from Link’s neck and rested it on the sink. “Better?”

Link nodded and slumped against Rhett’s body, half-asleep and stumbling toward the door. Rhett didn’t know how he’d ever be able to explain what he was doing, other than helping a drunk friend out of a party, but for some reason, he still worried it might look bad, like someone might know how into Link he was. “I’ve got you,” Rhett said gently. It didn’t matter the war that was happening inside his mind. All that mattered was getting Link back to his house. “Who did you come with?”

“Uh… I don’t… they were over there somewhere,” Link said, vaguely waving his hand toward the door as Rhett opened it.

“How much did you have to drink?”

“I dunno.”

Rhett stumbled through the party, half-dragging, half-carrying, half-walking Link to the door. He stopped once or twice, and Link heard a few mutterings of words like “friend,” “drunk,” “taking him home,” and “back in a little bit.” Some of it seemed to make sense, and some of it didn’t, but he figured he was the drunk friend and Rhett was taking him back, then coming right back to the party. Once they reached the cool air, Link turned to Rhett.

“You coming back so you can find her again?”

“No,” Rhett answered him, pulling him along.

“She’s really pretty,” Link said. “I didn’t see her that much but she was.”

“Not as pretty as you, Link,” Rhett said, now that they were far out of the earshot of anyone at the party.

“You don’t think that,” Link told him, eyes closing again as he trusted Rhett to guide him.

“Nobody’s as pretty as you.”

“Then why don’t you wanna kiss me like that?” Link asked him, stumbling on his own feet. They were only steps away from the dorm at that point, and Rhett couldn’t see any other way to get Link somewhere than to lift him up, so he did, scooping Link into his arms.

“I do,” he said. “I just can’t. It’s… gosh, Link, it’s really hard for me to explain right now, okay? And you’ll probably forget anyway. So I’m just going to tell you that I do, and that I can’t, but that it doesn’t mean I don’t want to, okay?”

“K,” Link said, dozing off in Rhett’s arms. Rhett struggled to the elevator, with Link being completely dead weight now, only to find it roped off with an out of order sign. He wasn’t sure he could make it to the other side of the hallway, to the other elevator, so he turned the corner, trying to make it up the stairs with Link in his arms. There was no way he’d make it the rest of the way, not all the way up to Link’s room, so as he reached his own floor, he turned, carrying Link to his room.

“I have to put you down, Link. You have to wake up, I’m putting you down,” Rhett said, tilting Link to the floor and leaning his weight against himself, trying to make sure Link wouldn’t fall over as he unlocked the door and stepped inside. “Alright, up you go,” he said again, lifting Link up and kicking the door closed behind him. He rolled Link onto the bed, turning him on his side and looking around. His room was empty for the moment, but he knew his roommate would be back before he could get Link sobered up. He couldn’t leave Link here, in a room he didn’t expect to be in, so going back to the party seemed out of the question. He didn’t want to go back anyway, hadn’t wanted to go to begin with.

He’d been dragged along, and when his teammate found a girl he was interested in, it was obvious that their hookup was contingent on her friend being occupied. “Take one for the team, man,” his friend had urged, and he’d done so, distracting her with a makeout. He wasn’t sure what happened from there, since that was when Link stumbled in, but he hoped he’d done enough to help because he wasn’t going back to find her. He didn’t know her, and he sure as hell didn’t like her. Besides, nobody kissed him like Link did.

Rhett looked at the couch, considering it. If his roommate came back and he was asleep on the couch, then it looked a hell of a lot more like Link was just a drunk friend he’d been helping out. But Rhett couldn’t do that, couldn’t resign himself to sleeping on the couch when Link was right there, whimpering in fitful, but drunken, half-sleep.

So Rhett walked toward the bed, pulling back the blanket. “Can I sleep here?” he asked Link, and got a small nod from him. “Okay. I’ll be right here if you need me.”

Link rolled over to face him, not opening his eyes to talk. “Thanks for taking care of me, Rhett,” he said. “You’re really nice when you aren’t trying to make everybody think you’re not.”

The brutal honesty stabbed Rhett like a knife.

“I’m sorry everybody makes you feel like you can’t do whatever you want.”

“It’s okay,” Rhett said to him, smoothing his hair and studying his soft features. “I’m sorry I’m such an ass all the time. It isn’t ‘cause I don’t like you. I just don’t really know how to let everyone else know I like you.”

“‘S’ok,” Link mumbled. “You can keep telling me you like me if you want, though.”

“I like you.”

“Sometimes I forget that,” Link said, and then he turned over to face the wall, scooting back to press his body to Rhett’s and letting Rhett drape an arm over him. “Night, Rhett.”


	14. Pro. Con.

Rhett’s sleep was fitful at best, the way he tossed and turned, playing the words Link said back to him in his head. “You’re nice when you’re not trying to make everyone think you’re not,” Link had told him, and he hated that. Not the begin nice part, but the fact that others controlled how he acted so strongly. He wanted to do better, to be better, but it felt like all of that was inside of some locked gate, and if he unlocked it, every secret he had would come spilling out.

That was the last thing he wanted.

Keeping secrets was hard. Keeping some secrets while revealing others was harder. He wanted Link to know how he felt, but without letting the rest of the world know, the words seemed empty. Link wasn’t believing him anymore. He’d even told Rhett sometimes he forgot that Rhett liked him. That was a problem, Rhett decided, one that needed a solution.

He liked to think he was good with problems and solutions. That was his strong suit, his engineering degree coming out in full force. When presented with a problem, it was important to find a solution that was logical, economical, and easy to incorporate into an existing system. But the idea of finding a way for Link to have what he needed from Rhett -- the compassion and caring and  _ feelings  _ Rhett had for him -- without letting everyone else know the full truth? It felt impossible. It felt overwhelming. It felt downright terrifying.

There was no way to tell people how he felt about Link, to be honest and obvious about it, without coming out. That presented him with a whole new set of challenges. How would he tell his mother? His roommate? His team? Did it even matter? Clearly it did, or he wouldn’t be keeping it so secret, he thought. But as the night progressed, as Link tossed and turned beside him, as the first sunrays came through the blinds, Rhett tried to convince himself and rationalize things, to reassure himself that nothing would change if he moved forward.

Each time, panic crept into his throat. The thought of what he risked losing to admit it, to tell himself and anyone else that he felt this way, was overwhelming. He couldn’t do it. It felt like every time he considered how it would go, he choked. He wanted to cry. Link mumbled in his sleep, unintelligible things until a word came out incredibly clearly: Rhett. That’s the word that stood out, for obvious reasons, and Rhett strained to listen harder for more words that seemed important.

“Wish you liked me,” Link mumbled. “You fuck me so good…”

Jesus. Rhett couldn’t mistake those things, couldn’t take them any other way than what Link was saying.

“Come on Rhett, fuck me… please? I need it…” Link groaned, and as he rolled over onto his back, eyes still sealed shut, face slack, body moving limply from the sleep, Rhett could see how hard he was. There was a real temptation there for Rhett, with Link being so close, for him to slide his hand over and take care of things, make Link feel good in ways he was too tired to do himself. But Rhett knew that it was one more step closer to far more conflicted feelings. He turned over, back toward Link, facing away from him.

He needed to make a choice, to make a decision by the time Link woke up. Or by the time his roommate got back; it hit Rhett right then that he had no idea where he was. He’d assumed he’d be back before now. Either way, time was running out. Rhett knew he couldn’t keep jerking Link around, back and forth, hot and cold. Either he was with him or he wasn’t, and if he wasn’t willing to come out, he needed to tell Link it was over -- the sex, the cuddling, the carrying him home from parties… all of it. That sent shockwaves of pain, panic, and frustration all the way through him.

_ Pro,  _ Rhett thought,  _ if I came out, I could fuck him whenever I wanted. I could kiss him, hold him, whatever.  _ Rhett liked the sound of the kind of freedom that offered, to not have to censor that.  _ I could study with him.  _ Right now, he avoided it aside from the few times they had to work together on their project, and he preferred emailed notes rather than working together in public. For some reason, being around Link sometimes got him hard without a whole lot of effort. A waft of Link’s cologne, regardless of how subtle it was, was enough to trigger a physical response in Rhett. He was like a horny kid going through puberty, unable to control himself in the slightest when it came to how his body reacted to Link being nearby.

_ Con,  _ Rhett considered,  _ how do I tell everyone? I’m bi, I could find a girl, I could keep this secret.  _ That was less a con to coming out, and more a justification to himself as to why he didn’t want to.

_ Pro,  _ he added,  _ I wouldn’t have to keep it a secret.  _ Sure, he  _ could  _ present as straight, could pretend he didn’t have an interest in men, could stifle all of that and end up with a woman. He could hide in the shadows, could lock that part of himself away. As much as he hated the idea, as much as admitting to himself that he was… bi, or at least not straight like he’d thought, he wasn’t really sure… felt so new, and a little bit wrong given the way his pastor had talked about attraction like this being wrong, there was a large part of him that hated any idea that involved never telling anyone but Link.

He didn’t even think he’d really told Link, so much as made it abundantly clear every time they were naked around each other. The war in his head was strong, the back and forth, the idea that being honest might affect his entire life, rock his world, ruin everything felt stronger as the minutes in the early morning ticked by. As much as he’d been ready to tell the world at the beginning of his internal conflict, as much as he’d resisted the idea of staying secret, closeted, by the later moments he’d started to consider the opposite.

Keeping it quiet could be the best thing, he thought. Link could find someone else to fuck. He’d had someone before Rhett, and he was gorgeous. He could find a new guy in a heartbeat. Rhett, well, he’d have to do his best to forget it ever happened. They were almost done with their group project, almost done with their class in general. He could avoid Link entirely, could forget him, or at least pretend he had. He wasn’t sure he’d ever fully be able to wipe Link from his mind, but he was sure that he’d be able to remove him from the forefront of his thoughts at some point or another.

Not coming out was easier. Not being with Link was easier. And as Link rolled toward Rhett, pressed himself against Rhett’s ass, and as Rhett could feel how hard he was, Rhett tried to stick to the resolve he’d felt, tried to hold onto his reasons to resist. Link rolled away from Rhett again, sleep fitful, and Rhett felt the loss of Link’s warmth beside him. He turned over, pulling Link to him, nuzzling his neck and taking a deep breath. Link smelled good, looked good, felt good, fucked good. Their bodies curled around each other so perfectly.

It was going to make saying goodbye to him, to this, really hard. Rhett could feel the lump in his throat and the anxiety in his chest as he kissed the nape of Link’s neck, then buried his face against him again. “Mmm, morning, Rhett,” Link grumbled, and Rhett tried to compose himself, to press his eyes against Link’s shirt if only to stop the tears that were forming. He could fake sleep, right? Could hold off this conversation for another hour? Could pretend this wasn’t what it was? But Link pushed himself back a little bit, rubbing against Rhett, and that unintentional bodily response was back in full force. Link wiggled back again, and Rhett eyed him. Link’s eyes were still closed and his breathing was soft, like he was somehow trying to fake like he hadn’t already said good morning, pretend he’d fallen back to sleep. It was the smirk playing on his lips that gave him away, the small grin that was a little contagious, that left Rhett smiling a little, too, nudging himself forward.

He could end this. He  _ would  _ end this. But first, he needed a few more minutes with Link, one last time for the road. He wondered how unethical it might be to fuck him knowing he was going to end it, but it didn’t matter. Link nudged back again and he couldn’t resist. He snaked a hand down Link’s arm, then grabbed his wrist, rolling Link onto his stomach and pinning him to the bed. “You really think you can trick me into thinking you’re sleeping?” he asked, kissing Link’s earlobe. “You ain’t slick, baby,” he purred, thrusting down onto Link’s mostly-clothed body.

“Mmm, I’m not?” Link asked, turning his head to the side and letting Rhett dip low, kiss him. “Why’m I in your room?” Link asked, the realization dawning on him. Rhett’s hands kept Link’s wrists pinned, and neither of them tried to move from Rhett straddling him, pressing against his ass.

“You were too drunk to walk and too heavy for me to haul your ass up any more floors,” Rhett said.

“Hmm. Okay,” Link muttered, and Rhett nuzzled at his neck again. He wanted to be close to him, wanted to not think about what he planned to do when this moment was over. He wanted to focus on Link right now, to enjoy this, to take it all in. “Doesn’t explain why you’re cuddling with me. Last thing I remember last night was you not knowin’ me, but it feels like you know me now, huh?” Link shifted his hips back, brushing against Rhett again.

“I’m sorry,” Rhett said, breathing against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” He meant it, too, an apology for the night before, an apology for the moment they were sharing right then, an apology for the inevitable goodbye where they wouldn’t know each other in the future. Rhett hated himself.

“S’ok. I try really hard not to let it get to me,” Link said quietly. “Sometimes it does, though. Anyway, what was it we were doin’? Because you’ve still got me pinned here, buddy, and I’d like to focus on that.” Rhett wondered if Link would still want to focus on that if he knew Rhett had the ending in mind before he’d ever started this wrestling match.

“I think I was about to fuck you,” Rhett said, pushing any thoughts out of his mind but Link. Link squirmed against him and smiled again. It was easier if neither of them thought about it, he figured.

“So do it, then. Fuck me, Rhett,” Link said, rocking back against Rhett again. Rhett didn’t need to be asked twice.

“I can’t take your pants off if I’m holding your wrists,” he said.

“I can’t take them off, either. My hands are sort of attached to those wrists,” Link reminded him.

“Oh, right,” Rhett said. “Well, in that case, you’re gonna have to wait a second to get naked,” Rhett told him, dipping down to kiss his neck and thrust against him. There was a part of him tempted to get them both off just like this, to use friction to their advantage and rock against him again and again, push Link against the mattress until they were both losing all sorts of control. The other part of him knew that if this was the last time, it sure as hell needed to be a good one, and Rhett wanted them to go all the way with it. His tongue teased the shell of Link’s ear, his hands still around his wrists. “You’re so beautiful,” Rhett told him. “So handsome.”

“Fuck, Rhett… you gonna fuck me or just keep makin’ me feel good?” Link asked. He asked at the wrong time, though, rocking back, Rhett obviously humping him, the words “you gonna fuck me?” on Link’s lips right as Rhett’s roommate opened the door.

  
“What the  _ fuck  _ are you doing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand we're back. Thanks for all of the love, kindness, and compassion over me taking a little time off to recharge and reset. Please don't forget that this fic has now been moved to a TUESDAY schedule moving forward.
> 
> Thanks to fanbabble for her help and continued love for this fic.
> 
>  
> 
> Please note: struggling with bisexuality and whether or not to come out and recognizing the inherent option of being in a straight-presenting relationship is not ever, ever intended to take away from the fact that a person is still bisexual when they're in a relationship that appears to the outsider to be a heterosexual one. Rhett, in his decision-making process, is still bisexual, whether or not he chooses to come out. It's his internalized biphobia causing him to think through staying straight-presenting as an option, but he is still who he is, regardless of who he ends up with. His bisexual identity is still valid and present, regardless of if he feels comfortable sharing that with the world.


	15. Scared

Rhett jolted to attention and scanned the room. There was no roommate there, but Link was right by his side. His movement seemed to startle Link awake, too, because before Rhett’s breathing had even started to calm, Link’s arms were around him. “You okay?” He held Rhett from behind, hands on Rhett’s chest as he leaned his head against him in an attempt to still the panicked breaths Rhett couldn’t seem to get past.

“It had a bad dream. You can go back to sleep if you want.” Rhett was struggling to think back to when reality had stopped and dreams had began. He felt so certain his roommate had come in, caught them about to do something, and he vividly remembered Link wanting to fuck, grinding against him in a sleepy daze and leading Rhett to get on top of him. None of it could have been real, though, no matter how hard it was to convince himself it was a dream. Given Link’s daze, they’d most certainly not been about to have sex or anything else. They’d both been soundly sleeping, it appeared. It seemed reality stopped while he was working on his pro and con list, trying to decide where to go from here, and that terrified him. It was as if his mind led him down a path of choosing Link, and his subconscious answer about that was obvious: Don’t do it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Link asked, pressing a small kiss to Rhett’s shoulder. Rhett wondered what made him think that was okay, but then he realized he’d carried Link back to his room, kissed him before sleep, and they’d spent the night entwined with each other. As far as Link knew, Rhett was still interested. “We can talk about it if it’ll make you feel better,” Link said again, snapping Rhett from his thoughts.

“No,” Rhett said. The last thing Rhett wanted to do was tell Link how he’d fallen asleep making a choice between choosing him and staying closeted, and that his dreams made it clear that picking Link was the wrong choice. Instead, he shook his head.

“Okay. Are you okay, though?” Link asked him. Rhett entwined his fingers with Link’s on his chest, and Link gave his pecs a small squeeze.

His kindness seemed impossible right then. It was almost too much for how Rhett felt, the messed-up thoughts he had in his head. Link was doing everything he could to, without even realizing it, convince Rhett to choose him, to pick the path that had them together and all the things it would bring with it. These feelings, these moments, the ways Link cared for him and hell, the way he cared for Link, at least in moments of crisis like the night before. It seemed so unjust and unfair for the universe to tease that sort of thing to him, then rip it away because he had so many people in his life who could never accept him. Rhett wasn’t okay. He was very much, absolutely, definitely not okay.

It was a big game of determining the risk versus the reward. For him, the risks felt like they might outweigh the rewards of feeling like this, of having what he could have here. His brain struggled to rationalize things, and if he didn’t move Link away from him, make Link stop touching him, the second part of his dream would absolutely come true. It was only by a miracle his roommate hadn’t come back yet, and if they waited much longer, they’d still end up caught in the act, just like Rhett had nightmares about.

“Rhett?” Link tried to snap him out of his daze. “Seriously, are you alright?”

Link shook his head, turning to Link and giving him a small, quick kiss, knowing it might be the last one he’d ever give him. “If we are going to talk about this, we need to get dressed first.” They were both semi-dressed from the night before already, but both were missing shirts and Rhett needed to change into jeans if they were going to talk this out somewhere. “You can borrow a shirt if you want.”

“Thanks,” Link said. He watched as Rhett climbed out of his bed and wondered what was going on in his mind. It was clear he was worried about something. The way he was quiet and how his brow furrowed, the way he insisted they get dressed first, it all left Link feeling concerned. He didn’t know what was going on in Rhett’s head pretty much ever, but especially not in this moment. Rhett had kissed him, but then told him to put on clothes, but then he’d offered to loan Link a shirt, and it felt like they were in some rapid hot-cold-hot spiral that Link was sure they’d never make it out of without some sort of collision. Not that they didn’t always end up colliding somehow, honestly. Even when they didn’t intend to, like at the party, they somehow always did.

Part of Link wondered if this was Rhett somehow conflicted over ending whatever this was or wasn’t. Link knew he’d mentioned going back to the party, and half of his restless dreams had replayed that. He wondered if Rhett had second thoughts now about the fact he’d stayed behind with Link instead. Link remembered waking up to Rhett thrusting against him, mumbling his name, and he worried about the ramifications of that, the way it might affect Rhett in the morning if he remembered those dreams or how he’d been so set on going back to the party the night before. Maybe Rhett had meant it, had wanted to go back and find the girl Link had seen him with after all, take her back to the dorm and hook up with her, and Link had fucked it all up. Maybe Link was a mistake and offering him a shirt was Rhett’s fastest plan to get him out of his bed. Link couldn’t rule it out as a possibility.

“What did you want to talk about?” Link asked, watching as Rhett tugged a clean shirt on over his own head. Link was dressed in something, some basic tee from some country-looking band he wasn’t familiar with. It was clean, but there was that Rhett smell that was ever-present, and everything about that was distracting and frustrating. If Rhett was ending it (if there was even something there to end), smelling Rhett the entire time he did it wasn’t going to be helpful. He’d obviously do what Rhett wanted. He’d gone along with the back and forth this entire time. But Link was dead-set on a plan this time: if Rhett ended things this time in a haze of post-sleepover regret, it was over. No do-overs, no “oops, I changed my mind,” no “Link, you have to save me from this fuck-up.” If it was over, it was all over, and Link was sure he was ready to say it, Rhett’s tee shirt be damned. He hated it, but he was prepared.

“I figured, uh… we could talk about my dream. And stuff that I thought about before I fell asleep,” Rhett said. “I’m kind of afraid you’ll get mad at me,” he admitted.

Link didn’t know what he was talking about, or what he’d say that would make Link mad aside from goodbye. “If I promise not to be upset, will that help?” Link didn’t know why he was saying that, but perhaps it was because Rhett needed the reassurance and Link realized he’d have to set his personal feelings aside yet again, at least until he was alone in his room, if it meant Rhett would open up and say what he needed to say. He hated that about himself. There was a part of him that wanted to feel free to slap Rhett if he said something horrible.

“Yeah, I guess that helps,” Rhett said. “You want to go get coffee? We should go get coffee.” That offer sent Link’s head spinning again. Rhett would rarely get coffee with Link, even if it was for a legitimate reason like studying. He was always afraid someone would think it was a date, even if they had their laptops, pens, whatever scattered while they worked. This time, it was Rhett suggesting it and Link couldn’t be sure if it was a good sign for whatever was coming, or a bad one.

“Okay,” Link said. “Coffee’s good.” Perhaps Rhett was just stalling.

“Here, uh… here.” Rhett handed Link a spiral notebook off of his desk, then picked up a textbook of his own. It was pretty obvious what he was doing, Link thought. Rhett was trying to make this look like a study session after all. But when they got there, Rhett paid for both of their drinks, confusing Link again. He didn’t know what the plan was, what Rhett was thinking or doing or what he might say. “Let’s go for that table,” Rhett suggested. He picked the most secluded option, one that was tucked away in a corner and behind a half-wall. Whatever he wanted to tell Link, he wanted the privacy that a car or room or other private space could offer, but he still wanted some sort of public aspect so… so Link couldn’t go off on him, maybe? Link couldn’t think of another reason Rhett might pick a public place instead of someplace private like he so obviously wanted.

Rhett took several long sips of his coffee before he was willing or able to talk to Link. At first, he couldn’t even really meet Link’s eyes. When he did talk, his voice felt unsure and shaky. “Can I ask you something kind of personal?” Rhett asked him.

“Yeah, of course,” Link shrugged. He didn’t feel nearly as casual as he was trying to appear.

“What was, um… you know what? Maybe I should start from the beginning, actually. I should uh, I should probably make sure you’re not mad at me before I ask for your advice, I think,” Rhett told him.

“I’m not mad at you,” Link told him, trying his best to be reassuring and certain he was bombing at it.

“You might be once you hear the full story,” Rhett told him. Instantly, Link’s nerves were getting to him. He couldn’t get a word in edgewise, though, because once Rhett started to talk, he struggled to close the floodgates. “I didn’t know her. Did you know that? I know it looked bad when you got in there but I’m not into her, I swear.”

Link knew exactly who Rhett was talking about, but he still asked “who?”

“The girl at the party. I don’t even know her name! My buddy was into her friend and asked me to distract her, so for like 30 minutes I had to be her babysitter so he could get the one he liked to warm up to him. That’s it, that’s all it was, I promise. It didn’t mean anything to me.” He was so insistent and Link wondered who he was trying to convince. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you or upset you or anything. I’m so sorry. I was such a jackass at the party. I’m so sorry.” Now, he seemed less like he was trying to convince anyone, and more like he was hit with such guilt that he couldn’t contain it. He needed Link to believe him, and it felt like the entire thing was contingent on Link accepting the apology, so he took a sip of coffee and nodded.

“Yeah, that makes sense. It’s um… it’s whatever, you know?” Link tried to be nonchalant about how badly it had stung the night before, Rhett’s rejection not just by him making out with someone, but by the way he’d acted like he didn’t know Link at all. He tried to brush it off, act like he hadn’t been deeply hurt.

“Anyway, the thing is… I mean, God, this is so frustrating,” Rhett grumbled under his breath. He took another drink, then leaned forward, leaning toward Link. “Listen, here’s the thing, this is going to sound really, really shitty but last night my bad dream sort of, um… it started because of like, God…” Rhett ran his fingers through his hair, tugging it like he couldn’t get things sorted out coherently, like he might have to pull his thoughts out through the strands. The thing was, it  _ wasn’t  _ working to say it. Nothing sounded right when he tried to get the words out. “Here’s the thing, Link. Last night I had a… a…” he lowered his voice to a whisper, “a sex dream about you. I dreamed you and I were, I don’t know, we didn’t  _ do  _ anything, but we were going to, and I wanted to, but then my roommate came in and freaked the fuck out and that’s when I woke up.”

Link didn’t know how Rhett wanted him to respond. He didn’t know if Rhett wanted him to give advice now, or if he wanted him to just listen, so Link said “that, um. That makes sense.” He wondered if this was going to be like every single other freakout Rhett had about his roommate, the way it always led to Rhett ranting about why they couldn’t ever make things work out.

“It’s my own fault I had the dream,” Rhett said, and to Link, it sounded like some weird conspiracy theory, like Rhett had looked for someone else to blame and couldn’t, and now his conspiratorial tone said that he was setting his sights on himself as enemy number 1 for what was a natural physical response to sleeping beside someone. “Before I fell asleep, I -- gosh, I sound like a douchebag for this. Please don’t hate me. Seriously, please -- I was making a pro and con list.”

Link furrowed his brows. How was a pro and con list something that Rhett would find to be a dealbreaker here? Rhett had done far worse things to him than make a pro and con list about… about what? Were they pros and cons about Link himself, he wondered, or were they pros and cons of something more happening between them? He couldn’t be sure. “What kind of pro and con list?”

“It started out as, you know, this pro and con list of being… I don’t know, um, more… uh…” he started whispering again, “I started wondering if maybe this could, like, be a thing. Like. Something. And then I think it ended up being pros and cons about me, uh… coming out.”

“Holy shit.” Link didn’t know what else to say right away. That was a big change from the guy who was certain he wasn’t, couldn’t ever be, a bisexual man no matter how obvious it seemed to Link. “Did you decide?”

“That’s sort of why I needed advice from you,” Rhett said. “This is probably so stupid. I mean, I can’t do this. Seriously. But… but I need to know if coming out was, I don’t know, if it went okay for you?”

“That isn’t advice really,” Link said. “That’s asking about my experience.” He didn’t know why he was being contrary then. Maybe it was an attempt to slow Rhett down, to make him think about the things he was saying. Maybe it was Link’s last real out to give him, the last chance to turn around, say nevermind, and walk away, just in case Rhett needed that opportunity. Asking about Link’s experience didn’t necessarily mean Rhett needed the advice, and Link was giving him the free pass to accept listening to a story without it being a personal thing, a call for advice and help.

“Right, okay, well… can you tell me what it was like anyway?”

“Yeah. I mean, it was, honestly, it was weird. Some people sort of acted like they already knew. My close friends weren’t super surprised, and neither was my mom. She was pretty sure that wasn’t new information. But with a lot of people it was revealing this new part of me, being like ‘hey, by the way, I’m gay.’” Link paused, trying to let Rhett process the information. “The thing is, you sort of ask me out it was coming out like I’m not done coming out. But I’m not. It’s a process. Every time I go to a grocery store and say something like ‘yeah, my boyfriend ate the last of the ramen,’ or whatever when he asks why I’m buying a case of it, I come out again. I mean, not that I have a boyfriend now or whatever, but you get the idea… every day I come out to someone in some way, it seems like. It’s not really one of those things that you do once and then it’s done.”

Link worried he’d given too much information, and Link wondered if he should have dialed it back and gone with the simple version. Rhett wasn’t speaking yet, and Link decided to do just that, tone it down and simplify it. “Listen, Rhett, I don’t want to say it’s easy or it’s hard. It’s both at the same time. I can’t promise you that everyone you ever meet will be super accepting and awesome about it, either. Some people aren’t, and those people sort of suck. But the thing is, lots of people are going to love you no matter who you are. I sort of get the feeling if you decided that’s who you are, and you wanted to tell people that, your roommate probably isn’t going to be the best person to start with. It would be better to start with someone who is going to accept you,  _ if  _ by chance you feel that there’s something you want to come out about.” Link was giving Rhett outs again, giving him chances to say ‘that’s not me’ and walk away from it. But Rhett just listened. “A lot of people will love you no matter who you are or what you identify as, though. Even if somehow, by some stretch, you lose everybody -- family, friends, teammates -- which is so, so unlikely to happen, you still have this whole, like… community of people. You know that, right?” Rhett gave a small nod. “A few people split from my life when I came out, okay? People who didn’t like me flat-out saying it. But that doesn’t mean everyone did, and that doesn’t mean I didn’t find new people who are amazing. Some of my closest friends are people who accepted me after I already accepted who I was.”

Link wanted desperately to do something, to say something more, to shut himself up before he said too much. Instead, he stopped talking and put his hand on Rhett’s to encourage him, even though he worried he might scare Rhett off with the touch, especially someplace public. The half-wall masked his hand on Rhett’s, but it was still a coffee shop and Rhett still didn’t know what he wanted. When Link put his hand on Rhett’s, Rhett jerked away, but then he put it back where it had been, sliding it under Link’s.

“But it worked out okay when you did it?” Rhett asked.

“It worked out okay.”

“I just keep thinking, and I don’t know, maybe this is really shitty of me, but I keep thinking maybe it would be different if I was gay like you. Maybe it would be different if I  _ had  _ to tell people. But there’s this part of me that thinks, I don’t know, that… that I could forget this happened and find a girl and let everybody think what they want about me, that I’m straight,” Rhett said. He looked at the table, his lip quivering. Clearly, it was painful for him to say that, and Link wondered if it hurt thinking about the possibility of locking part of himself away like that to please the people around him. He also wondered if the night before hadn’t been some half-hearted attempt at just that: finding a girl and forgetting his unmistakable connection to Link, the magnetic pull they seemed to have.

“If that’s what you want to do… if it’s what you need to do,” Link rephrased, “that’s okay.” Link didn’t like saying it was okay because it wasn’t exactly true. He wanted to tell Rhett no, don’t, stop, that whatever this was was worth trying even if it was hard. Then, Link wondered what it even was other than sex. He wanted to tell Rhett that he’d be miserable if he kept secrets so strong, and that it was pretty likely he’d just end up where he started, hating himself again when right now, he was so, so close to accepting himself.

It was also selfish on Link’s part. He wanted Rhett to come out, wanted to have Rhett to himself. He felt a stronger connection with him than he’d ever felt with anybody. It was part of why he put up with so much of his bullshit. Rhett didn’t feel the same as Chase did, as anyone Link had been with did. There was something different, worth preserving, and the idea Rhett would consider forgetting it ever happened hurt like hell. “It’s okay,” he told Rhett again. He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

“I don’t think that’s what I want to do,” Rhett said. Then he took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I want to do.” He lifted his thumb up and rubbed Link’s finger with it, looking at him intently for the first time in this conversation. “I’m really scared, Link.”

Going into the conversation, Link had been dead-set on making Rhett choose. Now, he only worried about Rhett being okay. He looked at Rhett, then shifted the position of their hands so their palms were together. Their fingers weren’t entwined and they weren’t holding hands, but they were grazing each other’s palms with their fingertips. In that moment, there was no coffee shop. There was just their table and the desperate need for Link to let him know that it was okay to be scared. “Whatever you decide -- coming out, or not, forgetting this, or not -- I’m here until you don’t want me to be. I promise.”


	16. Best Life

The thing Link wanted most was to get Rhett away from the coffee shop and out of his head for an hour or two. What Rhett wanted was to avoid breaking down in the middle of the campus coffee shop, so when Link proposed they take a drive, Rhett leapt on the offer. But Rhett didn’t know where they were going, and Link wasn’t offering up much information, just that it was a place that would help Rhett clear his mind. He asked Rhett to trust him. That was the tricky part. Rhett did trust Link; after everything they’d been through and everything he’d confessed to Link, he didn’t have a choice but to trust him. His trust started to waver, though, after they’d been on the road, headed away from the campus for almost half an hour. Link still had yet to tell him where they were going.

He’d started asking at ten minutes into the drive, which had been mostly silent otherwise. “You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?”

“I’d rather not. I mean, I’m not going to kidnap you and obviously if you demand to know, I’ll tell you. But if you’ll trust me and let yourself be surprised by it, let yourself be open to it, then I’ll promise you I’ll bring you back in one piece. I mean, I’ll bring you back that way regardless, but that’s not the point. Trust me.” He could sense the hesitance in Rhett’s face. “Don’t worry, I’m not taking you anyplace overly queer. I’m not dragging you to a gay bar or anything. I just want you to take a break and breathe for a little bit.”

Rhett nodded. “Okay. I trust you,” he said.

Ten minutes later, it was Link who spoke. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Rhett said, then followed it seconds later with “I like this.” He nodded toward the radio and turned the volume up a little bit. He liked the playlist Link had chosen. It meant he didn’t have to think about anything. For the time they were in the car, he could just exist.

After thirty-five minutes in the car, Rhett reached his hand to the center console and took Link’s hand. It had been resting there for a while, and while it was more than likely the most convenient place for Link to rest his hand, Rhett took it as an invitation. Neither of them said a word about it. Instead, they let themselves fall into it as if it were normal. Link didn’t want to talk about things until they were where he wanted them to be, someplace quiet and without interruptions. The car wasn’t the right place for it. They stayed present in the silence and in the connection between them, and shut everything else out, including any remaining conversation.

When they reached the heavily wooded area, facing the water, Rhett had a sense of deja vu, washed with familiarity in a place he’d never been. He asked “where are we?” but he was pretty sure he already knew. They were forty-five minutes from campus, and the location was memorable only in the nostalgic way that the past feels memorable but disconnected. I was like his fourth-grade field trip tee shirt -- he could pick it up, look at it, remember what being at the zoo felt like, but he wasn’t the same person he was when he’d used the $10 his father gave him to buy it. It was familiar, and it wasn’t.

“The Cape Fear River,” Link answered him. He didn’t have to explain why they were there. Rhett already knew. They’d both spent childhoods there separately, and Rhett always hoped there was a universe where they’d done that together, too.

“Nice.”

They didn’t talk and neither made a move to get out of the car. Link tried to sort through the words he wanted to say to Rhett, the questions he wanted to ask to make this easier. “Hey, Rhett?” he finally started with.

“Yeah?” Rhett didn’t look at him, eyes fixed on the water in front of them.

“You should tell me something I don’t know about you yet.”

“Like, about  _ that?”  _ Rhett asked. He didn’t know what Link wanted. Was this a push for him to come out in so many words? It felt almost like that, but he didn’t know. Maybe Link had taken him to a safe place to get him to say it out loud. Maybe not.

“About anything,” Link said. “Whatever I don’t know about you yet. Pick something. I don’t care what it’s about. There’s probably a lot I don’t know yet.”

“Yeah, probably.” For a long time Rhett thought about it. One, two, four minutes passed as he watched the water in front of him. Link didn’t rush him at all. When he did speak, it almost startled Link, who had grown used to the silence between them. “I wanted to go to film school. Did I ever tell you that? It was sort of my dream.”

“I didn’t know that,” Link said.

“My dad didn’t think it was a good idea, and he insisted I do something more productive. That’s why I’m becoming a civil engineer instead,” Rhett said. His voice was tinged with regret, like he wasn’t quite sure he’d made the right choice, but now he was stuck in it, so what was he going to do?

“Film school, though?” Link asked him.

“Yeah, why? You think it’s a bad idea, too? Or was that the wrong thing with the uh, the thing you wanted me to tell you about?” Rhett second-guessed himself, wondering if he’d answered wrong. It was like playing a game he didn’t have all the rules to, he thought.

“No, it’s… it’s a good answer, Rhett. I just didn’t realize you wanted to go to film school, too. That was my plan, film school,” Link said.

“Why didn’t you go? Parents not let you?” Rhett asked.

“My mom was cool with it. It just felt like everybody would, I don’t know, they’d get that weird look on their face when I said I wanted to study film. You know that look? When they’re outwardly nodding and smiling and telling you it sounds great, but it looks like they’re thinking you should do something else? Anyway, that made me think maybe it was a pipe dream and I decided to go with something more responsible. That’s why I’m an engineering major, too.” He shrugged.

“Weird,” Rhett answered. “In another universe, maybe we’d have ended up at the same film school, too.”

“Is that something you really believe in?” Link asked him. “Other universes and stuff?”

“I don’t know,” Rhett said. “It’s fun to think about. Like, there’s another me out there in the universe that’s probably living a better life than the one I’m living. Of course, it probably means there’s a me out there with an absolutely terrible life, but that’s not the fun part to think about. I like thinking about the Rhett that’s out there, somewhere, some other universe, having a happy life. Maybe he doesn’t second-guess himself all the time like this Rhett does.” Rhett pointed to himself, to the physical body in the car, grounding himself back to the reality of who he was, outside of the multiverse and the other Rhett possibilities that existed somewhere else.

“So there’s a world out there where there’s a Rhett that’s happier than you? And he has the best possible version of your life? What do you think his life is like, Rhett? What’s he doing?” Link wanted to know. If there was a Rhett out there that didn’t have to worry about everything, who would he be? “I mean like… the Rhett that feels most free and okay and happy.”

Rhett made a small humming sound, the one that said he was thinking, but it took him a few seconds to organize his thoughts right. “I think there’s a Rhett that didn’t take the path he was forced into. It was probably hard, but I bet that Rhett did go to film school. It would be funny if that Rhett, I don’t know, got randomly assigned a Link to be his roommate. That’d be really nice.” Rhett paused. “I think that Rhett’s probably a whole hell of a lot less afraid to do this publicly than I am.”

“Do what?” Link asked, confused.

“This,” Rhett squeezed his hand, the one Link still wasn’t letting go of. He leaned into Link, kissing him softly, without any of the hesitance or fear or things that held him back most of the time. This was soft and deep, gentle and freeing. When Rhett did pull back, he looked at Link, blinking his eyes like he was just waking up. “I think that Rhett would also maybe want to stop sitting in a car and would want to go swimming instead.” Without saying anything else, he opened the door to Link’s car and stripped off his shirt, tossing it into the passenger seat. He took of his shoes, tucking his socks inside, and he struggled out of his jeans. At no point did he stop to ask Link if he was joining him, and he didn’t think about whether or not he’d get Link’s car wet, nor did he consider neither of them had brought towels. Instead, he let that Rhett, the alternate universe Rhett he had in mind, unlock freedom he didn’t usually have. He headed toward the river and slipped into the water without glancing back.

Rhett rubbed at his face, washing away the shame and self-doubt that would have otherwise covered his skin after a moment like that with Link. As the water touched his skin, ran down his body, he felt for half a second like he could be that freer, better, happier Rhett that existed in his mind or some other universe somewhere.

When Link followed, he hit the water moments after Rhett. He’d watched Rhett approach the water slowly, and as he did, he came to his senses, stripping on the way down the hill until he was in his underwear, careening toward the water and jumping in.

“It’s cold,” he said, but Rhett shook his head.

“I know it is, but it’s perfect.” Rhett didn’t mind the cold. He liked the shock to his system that left him feeling better about himself. He wrapped his arms around Link, tilting Link’s head back to kiss him again. “Is this better? Body heat getting you warmed up?” This Rhett didn’t have problems saying the words aloud, speaking to what he was doing in a way they’d only done oh-so-privately before.

“Yeah,” Link said, kissing him back and running his hands over Rhett’s soaking skin. The water was too cold for them to stay in long, and soon they were both scrambling onto the banks of the river, shivering. Link wished he’d brought blankets, but he’d never expected them to swim. He hadn’t planned on going in the first place when they’d entered the coffee shop. He didn’t know until they got in the car, when he’d finally decided exactly where he wanted to take Rhett. Thankfully, the sun was forgiving in a way that warmed them up more than the water. In the grass, Rhett hooked a leg over Link’s and rolled onto his side to look at him. Link reached forward, brushing Rhett’s soaked hair away from his forehead, where it had been plastered from the water.

“Thanks for bringing me here,” Rhett said.

“Thanks for coming with me. And uh, for trusting me to not like, take you in the woods and murder you or something. Bringing you here without telling you probably wasn’t the brightest idea, in hindsight.”

“Well, we haven’t left the woods yet. You still have time to change your mind, there, Jason, grab that hockey mask from your trunk,” Rhett said with a wink. He kissed Link carefully, rolling onto him and finding his way to Link’s jaw. If they weren’t careful, Rhett was going to get them to take this further right here, but Link wasn’t done talking to him. He kissed Rhett back, then put a hand on his chest.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” Rhett told him, still perched on his elbows, hovering above Link with their hips connected. He bit his lip.

“What’s stopping you, do you think?” Link asked. “I mean, film school, being okay with who you are, whatever. What’s stopping you from being the Rhett you think is happiest?”

Rhett sighed and rolled off of Link again, laying down beside him. “My dad, I think. Like… okay, gosh, this is about to sound really, really bad, and I don’t want anything to happen to him, okay? He’s my dad, Link, and I love him, obviously.”

“Okay, I know,” Link reassured him.

“Sometimes I think, and gosh, I feel really bad for thinking it, but sometimes I wonder if things were different, like if there was a universe where he left my mom or one where his job stress got to him and he didn’t recover from his heart attack a few years back or whatever, I don’t know… maybe things would be different? I don’t want him to be gone, I swear. It’s just sometimes I think I’d be a different person if I weren’t always so scared I’d disappoint him.” It was less about wanting him gone, and more about Rhett’s realization that doing any of that would disappoint him. No dad seemed easier than a disappointed one.

Link nodded and waited, letting Rhett take his hand again. He didn’t want to be the one to push for that connection. Even if they were alone, here where no one could see, and even if Rhett was free to do what he wanted, Link wanted to leave it up to him instead. Without hesitation, Rhett did exactly what Link hoped he would and took his hand. “What’s best-universe-Link doing?” Rhett asked, trying to change the subject away from the horrible feelings he had about what he’d said.

“I think maybe he would’ve studied film, too. I don’t think he changed his mind because people gave him that look. Gosh, maybe people didn’t even give me that look. Maybe I was just so scared I was making the wrong choice that I decided they did. Maybe it was in my head, I don’t know. Now it feels sometimes like it’s too late for this-universe-Link to make that choice, I guess. It’s not, but it feels like it.” It was Link’s turn to be raw and honest, open and insecure. He wondered if what he perceived people thought of him was scarier than the reality of what they thought for real. “Question: what if it didn’t matter? Like, forget about your dad for a second, forget about everybody,” Link said. “Think just about you, about Rhett. Your goal isn’t crazy, you know that? Your idea of best-life-Rhett’s life, that’s not crazy.” He wondered which one of them he was giving the pep talk to, Rhett, or himself. Maybe it was an effort to convince himself it wasn’t too late for his own dreams, either. “Film school is a really normal thing, Rhett. It’s not like you said ‘that Rhett is a Radio City Rockette’ or ‘that Rhett lives on Mars’ or something. You said ‘I want to go to film school instead of engineering school.’”

“What are you saying?” Rhett asked him.

“I’m saying fuck it, Rhett. Let’s do it. Let’s go to film school. I mean, the universe probably won’t randomly assign us to be roommates, but if we applied together, did it, we could ask to room together. And if you’re starting someplace new, I don’t know, new school, new place, new whatever… what’s stopping you from being who you want to be from day one? Nobody can say you changed or anything if that’s who you always were there. Why not do it?” Link asked him. “Or, I mean, you don’t have to do that with me or anything. You could do it on your own, I’m just wondering what’s stopping you.”

“Did you not hear the part where I may as well have told my dad I wanted to be a Rockette or live on Mars? Going to film school is pretty much the same thing as those to him,” he said.

“Yeah, but how old are you now compared to when you told him you wanted to go to film school?” Link asked.

“I’m 19. I was 17 when I picked engineering instead.”

“This isn’t some little-kid dream, Rhett. It’s not like it’s a high school wish you’ll get over. This is you, two years into engineering school, wondering why you didn’t take some other path and knowing you’d be happier if you did. It’s adult you, 19 year old you, sure you’d be happier and thinking that  _ before  _ it’s too late to change your mind. You’re not so deep in engineering credits that you can’t transfer. You’ve taken what, a few core engineering things and your gen eds? The gen eds will probably transfer, so you could dive right into film next year. I’m sure of it,” Link urged. “Why not be best-life-Rhett right now? Or… or in the fall, I mean?”

“You think so?” Rhett asked.

“I think so. And hey, I mean, say your dad isn’t cool with it, I don’t know. You could still figure it out. I’m just saying, I don’t want you to rule out the idea that you still have time to make this-life-Rhett into best-life-Rhett if you want to. Nothing best-life-Rhett has is something this-life-Rhett can’t have.”

“Yeah,” Rhett said. “I hope you try to be best-life-Link, too. Except I hope you don’t change too much. I like this-life-Link a lot. Maybe that’s selfish of me.”

“That’s not selfish,” Link said, putting a hand on Rhett’s cheek. “I like this-life-Rhett, too. I just get the feeling this-life-Rhett and best-life-Rhett aren’t all that different. And neither are the Link’s really, but I think that Rhett would still want to go to the Cape Fear River sometimes, and I bet he’d still know all the words to my Johnny Cash playlist, and I bet he’d still smile the way you do when nobody’s telling you what to think or do or be. I’m glad I know this-life-Rhett, but I don’t think I’ll hate getting to know best-life-Rhett if you go that route.”

Rhett nodded. “I hope so. You know there’s probably another thing that both of those Rhetts have in common.”

“What’s that?” Link asked.

“I think they’re both bi. I just think more people know it in best-life-Rhett’s world.” He bit his lip and looked away from Link, rolling onto his back to look at the sky and listen to the crash of water and chirping birds. It was the first time he’d said it out loud to Link  _ really,  _ genuinely acknowledged that it was who he was, and he did it where Link and all of nature were there to listen to him and hear him and know him.

“More people could know it about this-life-Rhett, too,” Link said. “If you wanted them to, at least. And you still don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to know. This-life-Rhett can wait to tell his dad, and his roommate. That’s okay.”

“Honestly? I think I want more people to know. But yeah, I should probably wait on telling everyone, shouldn’t I?”

“Maybe drop the film school bomb on them first,” Link agreed. He laid back in the grass, and Rhett scooted closer, pulling Link toward him until they were both entwined with each other again.


	17. Link-sexual

Rhett sat in a booth, hat pulled down low to block half of his face. He was facing a wall toward the wall-adjacent booth, back slumped, praying no one would notice him. He looked around to both sides, and when he was certain -- 100% sure -- that no one around them would hear, he finally said very softly “I’m, um… I’m bisexual.” It felt like an AA meeting or some sort of weird confessional where Rhett shared his sinful desires with the class and prayed no one would hear.

Even if Link had told him that Chase was a safe person to talk to about it, his breath caught in his throat even saying the words aloud. It was one thing to tell Link. It was quite another to tell someone else, someone he only barely knew. But Chase simply reached across the table, put his hand on Rhett’s to pat it, and said “You’re pretty safe as far as anyone else knowing goes, but I have to tell you, man. I’m not all that surprised. My bi-fi signal has been going nuts ever since the whole Josh thing. No offense or anything.”

“You really don’t think anybody else is going to know?” Rhett asked him.

“Nah. We won’t tell anybody,” Josh reassured him.

  
  


_ “Hey, you and Josh have anything going on tomorrow night around 9?” Link asked him, leaning against the open door of his room. _

_ “I don’t know. Depends on why. What’s up?” _

_ “I need a favor. Get coffee with me. And uh, and someone else,” Link pleaded. _

_ “Coffee at 9pm? With someone else? Let me guess, you want me to drive two towns over for it so no one will know, too?” Chase asked, rolling his eyes. _

_ “That’s actually a really good idea,” Link answered. “Do you mind doing that?” _

_ “Is this about that guy?” he asked, rolling his eyes. _

_ “He’s got shit going on, Chase. Shit that I can’t really help him through. Stuff you’d… you’d be better for him to talk to, I think.” Link looked at the floor, then flashed his eyes back up at Chase. “Please?” _

_ “Fine. Okay. I’m in. I’ll ask Josh. One question: does he realize that you’re throwing him into a sudden double-date with us or is he still super hella closeted and going to freak out when we ask him?” Chase asked. “I’m guessing he’s bi and you need some advice? Or he does? Does he know he needs my advice or is this you trying to push it on him?” _

_ “It isn’t my story to tell you and you know it,” Link sighed. “Please just come to coffee with us? I promise he knows you’re coming. And that he’s okay with it.” _

_ “Okay. As long as he knows.” _

_ “Thanks,” Link said, turning to walk out of Chase’s room, doorknob in his hand. But then he stopped and turned back, looking at Chase again. “Hey, man, listen. One other thing? I’m sorry I didn’t get it before. You know, telling you that you were basically gay and shit? Like… yeah… I don’t know. I’m sorry.” _

_ “Thanks, Link. And hey, it’ll be okay.” _

_ “Yeah,” Link said, and he closed the door behind him. _

  
  


“So there’s kind of this thing,” Rhett started, eyeing Chase in particular. “How do I know that I’m not gay?”

“Well, we know you’re attracted to men. That’s why we’re sitting here and why you’re asking. You attracted to anybody else? Any other genders?” Chase asked him.

“I mean, yeah, I have been. If we’re going with personal preference right now I’m sort of… um… sort of… nevermind,” Rhett stopped himself, looking away and blushing furiously.

“Sort of…?” Josh pressed.

“Link-sexual? I don’t know,” Rhett said. “It’s so dumb. Please don’t tell him I said that.” He was thankful Link was up grabbing a second round of drinks instead of sitting there listening to him. It had taken a long time to break the ice and Rhett hadn’t even come out until they were draining their first cups of coffee.

Josh smiled and snorted a little bit. “You’re link-sexual? As in only attracted to Link? That’s cute, man.”

“Shut up,” Rhett groaned, but he was smiling, too. It was hard not to feel a little more at ease here. There weren’t secrets. They knew, and they understood. Rhett knew that he’d hit the coming out jackpot with this group, that from here it would probably be rockier, telling family, friends, teammates, his roommate… none of that would be this easy. But he was thankful he’d started in a group that he could actually come out to, a group that would accept him for who he was regardless. “Yeah, I’ve, you know… I’ve been with girls, and they’re great. And, um. I’ve been with Link and he’s… wow.”

  
  


_ Rhett couldn’t get the conversation at the river out of his mind, couldn’t stop thinking about how after he’d come out, they’d made out. It wasn’t rushed or hasty and they never ended up taking it further, but a slow, lazy river-side makeout was really all he could want. _

_ They’d talked a lot, and the talk was good, but Rhett wanted that time, wanted the physical connection, too. It was a balance. From the beginning, they’d been halfway friends, but then they dove into something physical, something hot and heavy without a whole hell of a lot of talk with it. That worked until it didn’t, but now they had talk, and Rhett wanted more touch. _

_ It seemed like Link did, too, because he had his hand on Rhett’s cheek and was licking Rhett’s lower lip, then getting up close, kissing him and feeling his breath from his nose and feeling it against his chest because he was practically on top of him. It felt good and right when Rhett wasn’t in his head to second-guess it. _

_ Rhett pulled back, looked in Link’s eyes. “Thank you,” he said. He didn’t need to go into detail about what he was thanking Link for. It was evident in each kiss. Thank you for waiting. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for that first text. Thank you for letting me say what I needed to. Thank you for making me think. Thank you for this moment. _

  
  


“That makes two genders. Pretty much bi qualifications right there, Rhett. Two or more and you’re bi. That’s how you would know,” Chase told him.

“The problem is I don’t even  _ notice  _ girls anymore. They’re not Link so it’s like they don’t exist,” Rhett explained. “That’s why I question if I’m, you know… gay.” He still felt the need to whisper the word, even though it was obvious that he was in safe company. Sure, he’d made out with the girl at the party, but she wasn’t Link, and the second he’d seen Link, he’d dropped her. He was helping out a friend. It wasn’t like he’d picked that girl.

“You could be. I know a few people who were more comfortable with a bi label but later realized it was less actual attraction to women and more what they thought was attraction based on societal norms and shit,” Josh said. “Our culture is weird about that kind of thing. Masculinity, femininity, sexuality, all of it. So many damn labels for everything.” He picked at the scone in front of him. “But you could be bi and just leaning hard toward a solid 5 right now and later you might scale back and be at a 2 or 3, I don’t know.”

“5?” Rhett asked.

“Kinsey scale,” Chase said. “Basically it’s this theory that says that everyone falls on a continuum. 0 means you can’t get straighter if you tried, 6 is like, Link, basically. 100% gay, no question about it. I’d say I’m a 3-- pretty equally in the middle on my attraction.”

Link approached the table, drinks in hand, passing them out. “You guys seriously getting into the Kinsey stuff in the middle of a coffee shop?” he asked. “Now?”

“Not all of us can be as gay-forward as you,” Chase said. He looked at Rhett, who was clearly confused. “Opposite of straightforward.”

“You also don’t have to change everything to reflect on my sexuality, Chase,” Link mocked, but even Rhett could see they were all just joking. Friends, talking about sexuality as if it were the most normal thing in the world, like the pizza toppings they liked or the weather that was expected for the next week or basketball scores.

But Rhett didn’t have time for the jokes. He needed solid answers. “Okay but a 5, though. That means I’m mostly into guys, and a little into girls, right?”

“Five would be like… you pretty much only see yourself being with guys but there’s that oddball girl that you might be like ‘yeah, okay, I’d tap that,’” Josh told him. “Four is something like, I generally lean toward guys, but I’m pretty okay with girls usually. It’s not quite 50-50 but it’s close. Does that make sense? I mean it’s probably more complicated than that because then you work in other genders and your gender and all of that but in general, baseline, I’d say given what you said, you’d know better than we would, but you’d be like… 4, maybe 5, depending on what your hopes are for the future there.”

Rhett didn’t want to say it out loud in the middle of the coffee shop, but his hope for the future was to be with Link, at least for the foreseeable parts of it. Even if he couldn’t be sure what the long term plan held, he couldn’t really picture himself with someone else. But numbers were numbers, and none of that really mattered, either. Right now, he had an identity, and when Link sat down beside him, he brushed his hand against his thigh. Under the table, Rhett took his hand and held it. He didn’t feel the need to hide or pull away.

  
  


_ “Where you going?” his roommate asked him, crowding into his space. _

_ “Study group,” Rhett said, taking a step back and adjusting his shirt, giving himself a once-over in the mirror. He wanted to look good. This was his first real date with Link after admitting things to him, even if it was a double date and not something just the two of them. _

_ “Looking like you’re paying an awful lot of attention to that outfit for a study group,” his roommate said. “You dressing up for that queer kid? You gay or something?” _

_ “What the fuck is your problem?” Rhett asked. “Ever since you found out a guy in my study group isn’t straight, you’ve been acting like a total nutcase, man.” _

_ “You know what? You want to study with someone like that, fine. I’m just asking you not to bring that around here, that… that gay shit.” _

_ “You’re an asshole sometimes, you know that? Don’t worry. I’ll leave my study group elsewhere. Not because I don’t want you to catch their gay or something, but because I can’t be 100% sure you won’t start some dumb shit like that. I’d rather protect them from your ignorance.” It was the most Rhett had ever stood up to his roommate, the most he’d defended Link ever. Previously it had always been different, had been him dodging the comments and trying to ignore it. _

_ Rhett felt like shit. There was a large part of him that realized the reason he’d let it slide before is because he didn’t think it applied to him, not really. Sure, he knew all along that he was into guys more than he was willing to admit, but his upbringing and every other factor that told him it was wrong spoke louder in his head. The reality was Rhett only stood up now because now when his roommate said those things, he was talking about him, too. He resisted the urge to text Link and say “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner,” apologize for things Link wasn’t even fully aware had happened. All Rhett could do was try to do better. He tried to dodge the self-hatred he felt, but he still felt it creeping over him. _

_ One thing was clear: he couldn’t come out to his roommate. Not without a fight. _

  
  


Rhett felt good about the people he was surrounding himself with. If he was honest, he wanted to do this again, to talk to Josh and Chase, to hang out with them. The more they talked, the more he realized it was okay, and before Link could go get a third round of drinks, Rhett had his arm around him, let Link lean into him. They were two towns away, over half an hour from campus, and the risk of anyone seeing them was low. Rhett felt safe to be obvious. As they got closer to campus, he was sure that would change, but right now, he let himself relax into it.

It wasn’t until goodbyes, until just before car rides home and parting ways that Rhett started to feel anxious. He wanted more time. Mostly, he wanted Link. They’d been so cautious and careful by the river, not touching, not taking it too far after all of the weight of their words was on them. A makeout felt okay, but hooking up felt all wrong given the burden of confessions and thoughts about what could come. But now, Rhett was aching for it. It had been too long, too many days since they’d connected physically. He’d wanted to since his dream, wondered if the dream was influenced by his own need being that close to Link, if he’d been grinding against him in his sleep. To be honest, it probably was.

“Is your roommate around?” Rhett asked hopefully. Link sighed.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. Maybe tomorrow?”

Rhett could wait if he had to, could give it another day.

“You two talking about needing some time alone?” Chase asked, interjecting. “I’m not trying to eavesdrop, but I’m asking.”

“Yeah,” Rhett confessed.

“Josh and I both have rooms to ourselves tonight, you know?” Chase said.

“Must be nice,” Link said, rolling his eyes. It was unhelpful and he didn’t get why Chase was interjecting when he was wishing more than anything he could have Rhett over, could get time with him.

“It’s an offer,” Chase said. “Here.” He handed Link a key. “My roommate is gone for the rest of the week on some sort of trip. I’ll be back tomorrow, but not until after class.”

“Seriously?” Rhett asked.

“Seriously,” Chase said. “Josh has his room for the night, so I’ll crash over there. Trust me, you’re doing me a favor by using my room.” He winked. “I think you two need some time to talk anyway.” As Link thanked him and walked around his car to get into the driver seat, Chase leaned into Rhett, as best he could given the height difference. “If you ever want to talk about it, I’m around. Just so you know.”

“Thanks,” Rhett said. “That helps a lot.”

“Oh, and Rhett? Maybe clue Link into the link-sexual thing you mentioned. I think it would help reassure him that you’re actually in this.”

Until Chase said that, Rhett had been in his own head too much to really, truly know Link didn’t know.  _ Fuck. _


	18. Don't Tell

“Do you really think I don’t like you?” Rhett asked out of nowhere on the drive home, looking at Link from the passenger seat. “Seriously?” They’d been listening to music, holding hands without hesitance for one of the only times ever, and Rhett blurted it out.

“What the hell, Rhett?” Link asked. “What the fuck gave you that idea?”

“Nothing, nevermind,” Rhett said. “I just… I thought maybe you thought that I wasn’t into you and now I’m second-guessing shit and I’m kind of paranoid.”

“Is this coming from Chase? Did Chase tell you to ask me this?” Link demanded, pulling the car to the side of the road and yanking it into park.

“He might have brought up that you were a little insecure about things between us, yeah. I mean, he didn’t say I needed to say anything, but he made it clear I hadn’t exactly made it obvious to you.” Rhett kicked himself for saying anything.

“That motherfucker,” Link said under his breath. He sat there for a minute, covering his face with his hands, and Rhett was happy he’d had the sense to pull off the road. A few deep breaths later, he moved his hands just enough to talk, but not enough to let Rhett see his face. “You want to know the truth?”

“Yes,” Rhett said. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have asked.

“The truth is, I was finally starting to feel good about things and then you go and bring this up. I thought we were okay now and now I’m worried we’re not.”

“What do you mean?” Rhett asked.

“I mean I look at the past few days… the river, the conversation we had there, tonight when you had your arm around me. I thought we were over the hot and cold bullshit, the back and forth, the will-we-won’t-we because I had let myself believe ‘yeah, okay, this guy likes me. Maybe I don’t need to stress.’ And now you’re sitting here demanding answers about it and it makes me feel like you think I don’t already know where things are, like you have to suddenly spell it out for me and we might be on different pages all over again.”

Rhett hadn’t expected the conversation to make Link angry or upset. He’d figured he was reassuring him, but it hit him: Link had said those things in confidence to Chase, his insecurities and fears, his concerns that Rhett wasn’t all-in. As things had changed, Link had felt okay, but it had happened so fast. They had gotten to a good place so quickly. Without updating Chase, Rhett was working off of old information, and Link was feeling like he was in a tailspin all over again. Rhett smoothed his hand over Link’s back. He hated that he'd ever brought it up instead of just letting them connect the way they'd been doing.

“Hey, listen. I’m not saying this as a step back or a retraction. I’m saying this to say if you’re still worried, I want to make sure you know.” In hindsight, leading with “you think I don’t like you” probably wasn’t the best way to launch into the discussion.

“Yeah?” Link asked, moving his hands.

“Yeah. A week ago, I was scared to death still. None of this was what I expected. We were friends. We were only ever supposed to be friends. And yeah, I thought you were hot. Way before the first fucking text where everything happened, I thought you were hot. But that was this part of me I squished down and didn’t think about. You made all of that happen, made the floodgates open so I couldn’t box that part of me away. The second you asked that question, there was no part of me that could say I didn’t want to see you, touch you, be close to you. And I’ve tried, Link. I’ve fucking tried so hard to tell myself I don’t want you. We’d fuck and I’d say in my head that it was the last time. We’d go without talking and I’d think about you all the time. We’d fuck again and I’d promise myself again I was done. And then I’d think about you again. I get that it’s not fair to you but that’s just where I was, the headspace I was in, you know? And I thought okay, the party, I didn’t want her. I didn’t even know her. Nothing about her was my choice, but I thought it would help. I thought I could finally break free of you if I had something physical with somebody else. And it fucking sucked, Link. She didn’t taste like you or kiss like you or feel like you feel against my body, you know that? She wasn’t you. I was thinking every single one of those things when you came stumbling in and you saved me from making big, big fucking mistakes, Link.”

Rhett didn’t care that he was monologuing, that he was almost yelling in the small car they were folded into. It didn’t matter at all. He had to say it, to get his point across and make it apparent how he felt, so he didn’t bother to censor himself or stop talking or slow down.

“Link, I’m so into you. I’m so, so into you. I mean, yeah, I told the guys with while you were getting coffee and it’s why Chase said I should bring it up to you, and it’s going to sound so dumb, and I swear to god if you laugh at me like they did…”

“What?”

“I’m bisexual, okay? You know that. But here’s the deal, Link. I’m… right now, I’m… I’m fucking link-sexual, okay? You’re all I see. I dream about you and I wake up and you’re not there and I feel sick about pushing you away and I wonder if you’re ever,  _ ever  _ going to trust me when I say it’s you I want. Just you. Because I can’t tell anybody yet and you told me that this was done if I couldn’t be more open. So for every bit of insecurity you have, for every single time you think I’m being hot and cold and whatever else, it’s ten times worse in my head. Because I know what I’m doing and I hate myself for it. And right now, I’m done. Okay? I’m done. I’m… my roommate… it’s… fuck, okay, he said some shit, and I think I need to tell him. Is that what it takes? Because I’ll do it, Link. If you’re still scared that I’m not in this like you’re in this, I’ll tell everyone. I’ll-- I’ll buy a fucking billboard saying it.”

Rhett was going off, and Link had barely said a word. It wasn’t even that Link had pushed him, not really. The floodgates were open and everything was spilling out. All of the pent up emotion, anger, self-hatred, fear, it was all flooding now, flowing out of him in rants and half-coherent thoughts and things that he wasn’t explaining and things Link already knew. None of that was relevant to what Link had asked, but Rhett had to get it out, to spill every detail, to say it all.

“You can’t tell him,” Link said quietly.

“What?”

“You can’t tell him, Rhett. It’s not safe. I wanted you to come out and to be honest and to be with me openly. I wanted to be able to do stuff like study in public or not hide in showers and use phones to talk while we were in the same room. I wanted that. But you can’t tell him. Maybe not even your family. Not yet.”

“Why the hell can’t I tell him?” Rhett asked. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“It’s what I wanted selfishly, when I thought you were stringing me along and that you were faking it to get under my skin before skipping off to go date the girls you kept dangling in my face. And it’s what I thought I wanted when you were fucking me one day and ignoring me the next because if you said it, for real, I thought maybe it would help. That doesn’t mean it’s right for me to feel that way or that it’s right for you to come out.”

“I don’t get it,” Rhett said.

“You said he said something. What’d he say?” Link asked. Rhett didn’t want to explain, to go into detail, but he started to anyway, to tell Link the things his roommate had said.

“That he didn’t want me bringing you around because it might rub off on him,” Rhett explained. “There was other stuff, too, but I was so fucking annoyed that I swear I’ve blocked half of it out.”

“You can’t tell him. At all. Not even a little. We… this… we have to keep it quiet,” Link said softly. “We have to keep hiding it.”

That was the last thing Rhett wanted to hear. He’d come so far and he’d started feeling confident, ready to tell people, and the second he did what Link wanted him to, the second he started to say it, to pay attention to it out in the open, now Link was asking him to wait.

“Is it… um… did I do something wrong?” Rhett asked, hanging his head. For some reason, it felt like Link didn’t want the world to know, and Rhett didn’t feel like he could interpret it any other way than Link didn’t want people to know what they were.

“Gosh no,” Link answered him, grabbing Rhett’s hand and putting it to his chest. “Rhett, no. You did nothing wrong. Okay? You’re great. Seriously. The fact that you even want to do this is reassuring. But what do I do if I push you to come out and you do, and then your roommate does some sort of awful shit to you because of it? I’d never forgive myself.”

“So what does that mean for us, then?” Us. Rhett had said the word, a word he couldn’t pull back on. For the time being, in whatever capacity, there was an “us” there that had to be considered. Not Link’s feelings alone, not Rhett’s, but what was best for them as a pair, as a singular unit.

“I don’t know,” Link said. “Maybe for now it’s back to the showers. Or we could go back to the river if you want. Next town over, whatever. I don’t want to stop this. I don’t want to end it. But I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Okay,” Rhett said. He felt completely dejected. Link wasn’t rejecting him or saying they couldn’t have something, but the idea of waiting after feeling like he needed to move forward sucked. He was coming off of the high of coming out to people who accepted him, and the idea that once again, there were people around him who wouldn’t? That was hard to wrap his brain around.

“We don’t have to hide it tonight,” Link said. “Tonight we can be whatever we want, remember? In Chase’s room?”

It was the one sign of hope in all of this, the one sense of things being okay, the idea that maybe this would work out the way it was supposed to. For at least one night, they didn’t have to think about anything.

“Whatever we want?” Rhett said. “So, then… what is it that you want?”


	19. Unapologetic

What Link wanted was obvious the second Chase’s door was locked behind them, was obvious in the way Link was tugging Rhett closer, kissing him, getting his hands up under Rhett’s shirt and tossing it onto the floor. “I want you,” Link breathed, “I want you so fucking badly.” It was obvious how badly he needed Rhett, how much he wanted him in the way neither of them hesitated. They had time for soft and slow later but right now it was desperation, force, hands on skin and mouths on bodies and clothes on floors and breath catching with every touch, kiss, movement, moment.

Link was practically climbing Rhett like a tree, propelling them forward, a clear display that whatever he’d said before, the way he’d decided he couldn’t be with Rhett when he wasn’t out and open and emotionally there, none of that mattered. All that mattered was right now, right here, this moment together. Roommate be damned, family be damned, entire goddamn world be damned as long as they were doing  _ this. _

“Come here,” Link goaded, after he’d untangled himself from Rhett long enough for proper sense. “Sit.” He practically pushed Rhett into the desk chair, then shouldered his legs apart as he got on his knees, taking Rhett until he was gagging and choking, eyes watering from fast, sloppy, desperate.

“Fuck, Link,” Rhett breathed. “Slow down a little.” Link didn’t want to slow down, didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to think about the things in his brain that said this couldn’t possibly be real because it  _ was  _ real, was something, was everything. Link did what Rhett asked, though, slowing down, letting Rhett’s hand on the back of his head guide their pace and make it easier, slower, better. “You feel so good, oh my god. You’re so good at this. Fuck.” It was a far cry from the hesitant way they’d been the very first time they’d done anything. They’d come a long way and Rhett couldn’t deny that.  _ He’d  _ come a long way. And he’d come a lot along the way. And a lot of other things, but mostly he felt right about this. It felt the way it should, powerful and intense and so damn right.

No matter what anyone said, no matter how wrong his roommate thought it was, no one could convince him this wasn’t perfect, wasn’t exactly what he was supposed to have or be doing. And as he got closer to the edge, he was having to pull Link off of him. “Come on, I want to fuck, too,” he pleaded. Link understood and scrambled, back, shuffling through the top desk drawer and tossing lube and a condom to Rhett.

“Let’s fuck, then.”

“How did you--” Rhett started to ask, wondering about how it didn’t take Link even a second thought to know exactly where the things he needed would be. Link cut him off with a kiss.

“Doesn’t matter, right? This matters.” He put his hand on Rhett’s chest, the other on his cock. “I want you, Rhett. Just you.”

Rhett didn’t need to know the rest, didn’t ask. It was easy enough to assume anyway, to think that he knew what he needed to know. Besides, Link was here and Link was his, in whatever way they hadn’t defined things but that he could assume. This was something, was everything, was anything they needed it to be right now. The rest would work itself out later.

“Come fuck me, Rhett,” Link pleaded, but Rhett didn’t think he could. Link had gotten him too worked up, too close, and if he did, he’d come right away.

“Nope,” Rhett said, moving from the chair and turning them, kissing Link as he sat him down, tearing the condom open with his teeth and rolling it onto him. He needed Link, needed this, needed everything and he’d prepared in hopes that somehow the night would lead here, that a double date would lead to time with just the two of them alone.

As he sank onto Link’s cock, he took it slowly, hands rested on the arms of the desk chair to let himself ease into it. He wasn’t used to this yet, to taking it like this, and it felt amazing but also overwhelming in every way. Link’s hands guided him, one to hold his own cock in place for Rhett, the other on his waist to steady him as he watched himself disappear into Rhett, watched Rhett lift off of him again with a groan. It was sexy, was intense, was a lot to take in, and Link worried he wasn’t going to last long, either. “Fuck, Rhett,” he groaned, “you’re so good at that.” It was the encouragement Rhett needed to work faster, to move himself harder than he expected he could. When he was more used to it, Link took over, letting Rhett hold onto the armrests still as he pushed up into him, kissing his back as Rhett stayed in place, taking every inch again and again.

It didn’t take long for him to get used to it, for his whine to be “fuck me harder.” Every thrust from Link drove Rhett into his own hand again, wrapped around his cock, and then he was yelling “ah, fuck, holy crap, Link,” as he spilled onto himself, coating his chest, his stomach, over his shoulder onto Link. After that, his hands were free to hold onto the chair again, to allow him to grind on Link’s cock, to forcibly draw the come out of him with each movement.

“God, that feels so good,” Link groaned. He’d never had anyone work him like Rhett did, move so intentionally but so quickly.

After, Rhett didn’t feel super comfortable sleeping in Chase’s bed without anything on. Link assured him Chase wouldn’t mind, and even promised to wash the sheets, but Rhett had his reservations and hesitance about it, so he slid into his underwear at least. It wasn’t enough, though, to keep him from feeling Link’s body pressed against his when they laid down, to feel the length of him against Rhett’s own, fabric the only thing that separated the two of them.

“You okay?” Link asked him, brushing Rhett’s hair off of his head.

“I’m good,” Rhett said. “Sore.”

“Ooh, my big cock too much for you?” Link asked, teasing and waggling his eyebrows.

“Shut up,” Rhett said, kissing him. “Can we talk about something?”

“Yeah, always.”

“In the car, you said I shouldn’t come out to my roommate. But uh… does that make it so we can’t, you know…?” He trailed off. How would Link know if Rhett didn’t even know? He wasn’t sure.

“I know what I said, Rhett. I know how I acted like this wasn’t a thing I could do if you were keeping things quiet. But it wasn’t about that, and I’m getting that now. I thought it was, but it was mostly that I was scared of you changing your mind. Are you going to change your mind?”

“No,” Rhett said.

“So then how about this: we keep it chill on-campus. We don’t hide that we interact, not like we did. No more shower meetups unless we’re wanting a shower hookup specifically. No more dodging each other and no more secret study groups. We’re friends and we have class together and we study together. Sometimes that involves sitting at a coffee table in public, even if your roommate can see us, okay?”

“Okay,” Rhett said.

“But we also don’t make a show of things. No holding hands. No kissing. No sitting in each other’s laps, or whatever the fuck else we might want to do if this wasn’t an issue. Okay? We know each other, but we’re not dating. Not here.”

“Okay,” Rhett said again. He was tracking along for the most part, trying to follow Link’s plan.

“Off-campus, all bets are off. I want you. I want you to be with me, all-in, completely and totally mine. Not hiding it, not hot-and-cold, not back-and-forth. Just you and me.”

“I’m all-in,” Rhett said. “I don’t want anybody else. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Link said. “I know that now.”

“And after this semester?” Rhett asked him. After next semester, Rhett could change rooms. He could make new plans. He could figure something else out. Those were things he wanted to do regardless. He  _ wanted  _ to come out. Now that it was in his head, now that he’d said it to Chase and Josh and Link, he didn’t want to lock away that part of him. Even if Link wasn’t on-board or even if things ended, Rhett could no longer see a world where he wasn’t going to be himself, openly and unapologetically. But he also thought life was better with Link in it, and he had high hopes that if they didn’t take a chance on film school, on the things best-life-Rhett and best-life-Link wanted, that they’d at least find a way to open up, provided Rhett could ditch his roommate for good. He was all-in, but he also didn’t know what that meant for Link, how long this could last, if this was even real. “What next?”

“Next, I say we focus on our best life. What do you think about that?”


	20. Sealing the Deal

“Hey, sleepyheads.” Rhett startled awake at the words and the light until he realized they were still in Chase’s room, and that Chase was the one talking to them. “Don’t move. I just came in to grab something and then I’m out. Won’t be back until tomorrow morning if you two lovebirds want one more night.”

It was Link that threw the pillow at him when Rhett continued to rub his eyes. “Shut up,” he said, then added a “thanks.”

“Yeah,” Rhett said. “Thank you.” Another day sounded nice. Another day where they could be safe, could be who they were, a day where no one was likely to find out what was happening between them. If they heard anything between the walls, they’d just as easily assume it was Chase and Josh, and for now, it was one more night of whatever they wanted to do and whoever they wanted to be before they had to hide it again.

That made it easy for Link, who wanted to hold Rhett a little closer, to kiss his shoulder once Chase had left the room. “What do you want to do today?” he asked. Whatever it was, they were best staying in the dorm where they could be themselves safely. Why waste the time they had here when they’d have to resort to off-campus rendezvous after anyway?

“I want to make out with you,” Rhett said, turning to draw Link in for a kiss. Then he moved, turning himself around completely and getting his hands on Link’s wrists, pushing him back onto the bed and pinning him. “I want to fuck you.” He ducked down to kiss Link softly. “I want to tell you I can’t believe how patient you’re being with my nasty morning breath right now.” This time, Link kissed him, proof that he didn’t care in the slightest. “And I want to probably order some Chinese or something because I’m hungry. What about you? What do you want to do?”

“All of that sounds fine to me. Except one thing,” Link said.

“What’s that?”

“You said you wanted to fuck me, but I wanted to fuck  _ you _ , so maybe we need to flip a coin?” He winked at Rhett. It really didn’t matter what they did or which way they handled things. He just wanted to give him hell for the plan. Anything he did with Rhett was perfect, exactly what he wanted.

“Rock paper scissors, best of five,” Rhett told him, and he kissed him again. That was enough to get them going, to get Rhett to stop talking and start focusing on how much he truly did want to make out with Link. They were slow kisses, lazy and unburdened. Right now, no one was going to barge in and catch them, and if Chase came in, well, he’d already done so once that morning. This wasn’t news to him.

All he needed was right in front of him. Link was there, and he could kiss and touch and feel him without fear. It only served to make it clearer to him: if he wanted to live his best life, he had to do that with Link, and he had to do that in a place where they could be alone like this. No exceptions. “What if we took a shower?” Link asked.

“I thought you said no more hiding in showers,” Rhett said. He was teasing. It was obvious this was different.

“It’s not hiding, weirdo.” He bit Rhett’s lip, tugging it as he did, which did it for Rhett, getting him hard and making him whine. “Come on, shower with me.”

“Okay,” Rhett said. “I’ll meet you across the hall in five minutes.” That was the hard part, the admission that even though they were in this, together, that this wasn’t the same as a study group or a casual coffee. Someone could still see them, and the second they stepped out of the sanctuary of Chase’s room, they weren’t safe. Anyone could see. It made the thought reverberate in Rhett’s brain louder.  _ Best life. Best life. Best life.  _ He wanted the life that had Link with him, that had them in a place where they were together from the get-go. A reinvention of sorts, that was what Rhett needed.

“Perfect.” Link didn’t want to acknowledge it, either, to make it clear that he understood how much it sucked that they had to sneak around, be apart for a few minutes just because someone might see. Instead, he let Rhett climb off of him, head across the room. Link wasn’t sure where Chase kept towels, but it didn’t matter. They’d just make it work with their clothes, then if they had to, bolt across the hall and air dry. He didn’t know. It didn’t matter. Instead, he grabbed the lube and figured they’d figure the rest out.

Showering when they weren’t hiding was different. They weren’t in their own dorm, which meant they were just two people, hooking up in the shower. They didn’t need to stay silent as long as they weren’t obnoxious, drawing attention to themselves. Rhett had trouble staying quiet, though, as Link practically climbed him like the slippery tree he was, sucking at his neck and nibbling at his ear as Rhett steadied their slick bodies against the wall, hands gripping Link’s ass. “Fuck, you’re so sexy,” Rhett mumbled, and Link stifled the words with a kiss. “Oh ho ho, trying to shut me up, are you?” Rhett asked, breaking free. “Come on, I never get to tell you how good you look like this.”

It was unfair, the way Rhett could draw an intense blush out of Link with a few short words. “Fuck me,” Link pleaded quietly, just barely audible over the water.

“I thought you wanted to fuck me,” Rhett said, kissing him as he untangled Link from himself and placed him on the floor. “That whole rock paper scissors thing.”

“Maybe I’ll lose on purpose,” Link said.

“You can’t purposefully lose a game of chance.”

“Try me.”

Rhett slammed his fist against his wet palm, sending droplets of water spattering --  _ rock, paper, scissors  _ \-- before revealing scissors in his hand. Link was half a beat behind him intentionally. Paper.

“So you do cheat,” Rhett said. “What if I wanted you to fuck me? What if I wanted to lose?”

“You’ll have to lose harder,” Link whispered, looking into his eyes. Rhett swallowed heavily, not bothering with another round, instead cupping Link’s chin with his hand.

“Or I’ll have to give you what you want,” Rhett said. “You have what you need?” His hand trailed down Link’s body, wrapping around his cock as he stroked him slowly, keeping his eye contact and breathing hard as Link pulled him close.

“Yeah.” Link nodded slowly, as if in some sort of daze. For several moments, he didn’t bother trying to get them, letting Rhett keep his hand on him, letting him get closer, crowding Link against the wall and kissing his neck. He was tempted to scrap the plan altogether, to fuck later, to stick to this as it was, but he needed Rhett, wanted him desperately, wanted to feel the fullness that came with stretching around Rhett’s cock. He sighed and snapped out of it, “yeah,” he breathed again, then he reached outside of the shower for lube and a condom, pressing them into Rhett’s hand. Rhett had barely let go of him for a second, and as soon as Link was near him again, he resumed what he was doing with his free hand, taking things slowly. They had time to fuck, but right now he had a question to ask. “You gonna fuck me?” Link asked him, as if to remind him that’s what they were doing, as if he hadn’t been the one delaying this.

“If I give you what you want, will you do me a favor?” Rhett asked him, letting go of Link long enough to roll the condom on himself and holding his breath for an answer.

“Anything.” Link meant it. He’d do anything. It didn’t matter that previous favors had led to near disaster, even if good came of them. He trusted Rhett now, more than anything else, more than anyone else. He’d truly do anything.

“Transfer with me?”

“Really?”

“I want to live my best life. My best life involves you being in it every step of the way from here on out,” Rhett told him. Somehow he felt like that meant long-haul stuff, not just next year, next school, next bit of life stuff. Maybe it wouldn’t work out that way, but maybe it would. He couldn’t picture his best life without Link in it, though, and the way Link looked at him, he was sure they were on the same page.

“In that case, I guess you better fuck me for sure, McLaughlin. Sealing deals with kisses is for amateurs.”


	21. Where He's Going

It didn’t really occur to Rhett how slowly he and Link took things now, a stark contrast from the way they’d do things fast and furious when they didn’t have a choice, when they were sneaking around and hooking up in quick moments and small spaces, until he was around Chase and Josh. Chase was in Josh’s lap, straddling him, cupping his face and grinding on him as he shoved his tongue halfway in his throat. It didn’t bother Rhett at all, but he certainly wondered how that was even sustainable, and he also questioned if he and Link should go ahead and leave so they could take each other’s clothes off already.

But they didn’t. Instead, Link took his time, kissing at Rhett’s jaw on the couch beside Chase and Josh, nuzzling at his neck and kissing up to his earlobe. As he kissed Rhett, it was impossible to miss the way Link palmed at him like he was trying to get him hard. Rhett couldn’t squirm away, either. What was Link doing, actually trying to get him hard in a room with other people? He didn’t know, but he wished he cared enough to stop him. Instead, he gave into it, let Link keep doing what he was doing, and he willed his moans to be silent until he heard Josh letting out a soft whine from his end of the couch.

Part of him wondered if they were actually doing this, if sticking around until laundry was done so Link could hold up to his end of the bargain -- making Chase’s bed -- was going to turn into something more. The other part of him wondered why it didn’t bother him more, the fact that they seemed to be doing something so intimate in the company of others. Perhaps, he thought, it was the comfort of knowing that he didn’t have to censor himself around these two, that he could genuinely express his interest in Link without judgment. And maybe it was the way they seemed so comfortable making out around them, too, that it was their focus on each other that left Rhett feeling better about focusing on Link.

They’d started out watching a movie. That seemed innocent enough until Chase was in Josh’s lap grinding on him as they made out. Link was curled up in Rhett’s lap, sitting between Rhett’s spread legs on the edge of the couch and leaning back into his chest, and Rhett wanted to give him attention, too, even if he wasn’t about to hop on Link’s lap and give it as hard as Chase was. He started with small neck kisses, nudging Link and waiting for him to turn his head so he could kiss him deeper. It hadn’t taken long for Link to turn around, to straddle him, too, to deepen it even if they were going slower.

But palming at Rhett was dangerous territory, getting his hand on Rhett’s cock even on the outside of his jeans proving to be nearly too much. It wasn’t too much, though, for Josh or Chase, who seemed to still be focused on each other to the point that Rhett questioned if they even remembered he and Link were there. Chase was working Josh’s shirt off of him, kissing his chest and circling his tongue around Josh’s nipples, and Rhett couldn’t believe that this was happening. He didn’t dislike it, didn’t feel so uncomfortable that he wanted to stop it or leave. If anything, he was curious to see how far this would go, where they’d take this, where  _ he  _ could take this.

He had no real interest in Chase or Josh. Even the night when he’d flirted with Josh before, it had been a drunken thing. It wasn’t that he wasn’t objectively handsome -- hell, both Chase and Josh were incredibly hot, instrumental in his realization that he was attracted to guys, not just one guy, even if now that one guy was the center of his attention and focus -- because clearly, everyone in the room had good qualities about them. Rhett could even recognize the attractiveness of his own body, if he let himself get past the self-doubt. That’s why he wasn’t afraid to strip down in front of them if it went that far, why he didn’t hate the idea of doing this. But he only wanted Link, and right now he had him, his whole focus.

Rhett sucked at the skin on Link’s neck until dark marks appeared, and Link twisted his hands in Rhett’s shirt pleading for more. “Yeah, that feels good.” He wanted Rhett to mark him, to claim him, to say he was in this enough to leave lasting impressions of their passion for each other, even if he couldn’t do the same for Rhett right then, not without an explanation being owed to his roommate.

“You’re mine,” Rhett breathed into Link’s ear, barely audible. Josh and Chase couldn’t have heard, even if they’d been paying attention, it was that quiet. Link nodded softly, kissing Rhett and pressing his shoulders to the couch. By now, Chase was sliding off of Josh, wanting to get on his knees and take it further. Josh was on the same page, leaning forward and stroking Chase through his shorts. It was obvious he was hard, his basketball shorts not hiding a whole lot in the situation, and Rhett could see it from there.

Link glanced over, then whispered “you okay with this?” to Rhett.

“God yes,” Rhett whimpered, sliding Link’s shirt off over his head and onto the floor. He wanted to make it clear: he was willing to do this, whatever  _ this  _ happened to be or happened to lead to. As long as his hands were on Link, he wanted to see what would happen. Link’s shirt coming off was a good push forward for Chase and Josh, who, outside of Josh’s shirt, had been reluctant to remove clothing in case Rhett was easily spooked. But now, they seemed to get the picture, the idea that whatever was happening was happening, and Josh moved his hand from the outside of Chase’s shorts to the inside of them, nudging them down with each stroke as Chase pulled his own shirt off over his head.

Rhett still hadn’t tried to take things much past making out with Link, but now his mouth sought Link’s collarbone, and his own hard need made it obvious it was only a matter of time before they took things further, too. It was Link’s soft whimpers and moans that forced him to take it past where he was in the moment. Rhett didn’t hesitate or stop to think about what he was doing. Instead, he wrapped his hands around Link’s legs, lifting him and turning them in one quick motion, plopping Link on the couch in the space he’d been in moments before. He kissed Link in the center of his chest, then worked his way down to his bellybutton as his hands undid Link’s shorts, sliding them down to the ground. Link had been the one to ask if Rhett was okay with this, and he’d given every sign of go. The way his fingers tangled in Rhett’s hair as he guided him to his cock was no exception.

Rhett’s brain ranged from screaming  _ oh my god, I’m gonna suck his dick in front of other people  _ to  _ I really want to get him off  _ without any focus on the others in the room. It was like he was both hyperaware of other people and close to forgetting they existed until he heard Chase moan again, and he wasn’t sure how he could feel both, but he did. “Fuck, yeah, Rhett, right there,” was enough to bring him back to focus, to remind him that this was what was happening, and he felt grounded and centered in the moment. He looked up at Link, flashing his eyes up to him, and as he popped Link’s cock out of his mouth, turned his head to slide his lips and tongue along the side, he had an amazing view of what Chase and Josh were up to.

He let his curiosity get the best of him, let himself watch as Chase stood on the couch, lining himself up with Josh’s lips, then held Josh’s head in place to fuck his face. Josh held onto him, helping him balance as Chase rested his knee against the back of the couch near Josh’s head, as he used one of his hands to press against the wall for support. “Hot, isn’t it?” Link said, brushing his fingers through Rhett’s hair as Rhett stroked Link’s cock, tongue against the tip as he stared at them.

“Yeah,” Rhett admitted, then took Link’s cock deeply again, letting it hit the back of his throat. He liked this, liked how it felt, liked the exhibition of it all. It was turning him on until he was hard and aching. Chase didn’t stay how he was long, legs shaking from the effort of standing there, and as he got down, he asked Link for the lube.

Until that point, Rhett had forgotten that they’d borrowed it in the first place, the way they’d staked claim over it and used it themselves that much, but Link leaned forward, fishing around in the couch for it and passing it to Chase. Clearly, they were getting ready to take it way past where he and Link were, and that was okay with him. He wanted to watch, to see what they did. In a way, it was like he could measure how he and Link were against an external standard that  _ wasn’t  _ porn, and that thrilled him in a weird way. Chase got on his knees in front of Josh, sucking him off as Josh leaned forward, used long arms to his advantage to slide his fingers into Chase, in and out with a soft slippery sound that got Rhett even harder. If he didn’t take more clothes off, start getting himself off, he was going to burst.

Rhett slid his jeans off of himself, wriggling out of them and only pausing from the things he was doing to Link for a moment. Then, he was right back where he’d been, sucking Link off as he stroked himself fast and furious. He wasn’t sure what his hurry was so much as he needed  _ something  _ given the smorgasbord of smells, noises, feelings of being this close to other people doing the same. It was funny, he realized, thinking about several guys in a room getting off together, because that was almost how all of this had started: his assurance to Link that straight guys did this all the time. The only difference was, none of them were even remotely straight.

He could feel the moans from Josh reverberate to his core, and that was powerful and intense because Josh wasn’t the person he had his lips on, his hands, the one he delighted in getting off. The situation was so heightened, the way he was being so brazen, and yet just part of the crowd, and it only got him harder. He thought he could come any second if he wasn’t careful, thought he’d finish all over himself, and he wondered if that would ruin everything for everyone or if they’d all just keep going. Either way, he slowed down on himself and worked his way back up Link’s body with kisses. As he tilted his head back, let Link kiss his neck, he could see Chase move, lean against the arm of the couch as Josh pushed into him. The whine he let out seemed to go straight to Rhett’s dick, the feeling of his voice carrying through the room, and even Link seemed to moan against Rhett’s neck at the sound of it. Their noises amplified each other, their pleasures making the others hotter, and even though their hands stayed off, it didn’t mean they weren’t thoroughly interactive in the way things sounded, felt, the power of it all.

“You want me to fuck you?” Link mumbled in Rhett’s ear. Rhett wasn’t sure. Being fucked would allow him to see more, to watch everything, more than his head being in Link’s lap would, but he felt so exposed already, even if he’d exposed himself in that way, been fine with everything so far. His hesitance was enough for Link, though, enough to tell Link he wasn’t ready to take it further in front of them. Instead, Link slid down the couch, between Rhett’s legs, and leaned his head back to suck Rhett off while he stood there, one leg on the couch, the other knee on the ground, lowering himself enough that Link could reach.

Staccato grunts from Chase and the slap of skin against skin made it impossible for Rhett to hold off. “Fuck, I think I’m gonna come,” Rhett breathed. Saying that only set Josh off, left him groaning in response as he pulled out and came on Chase’s back in one quick movement. Watching that didn’t help Rhett’s situation, as he pulled back and stroked himself, resting the tip on Link’s tongue until he was finishing seconds after.

Then, it felt like the focus was completely on Chase and Link, the way they flopped down on the couch beside each other so Rhett could get down on his knees, suck and stroke at Link as Josh sank onto Chase’s cock. They were hurtling toward a resolution, a finish, a desperate need for all of them to feel the blissful euphoria that came from coming hard. Link couldn’t get over the look of lust in Rhett’s eyes, the way he looked at Link in a dazed state, post-come, focused only on his needs. Josh was already getting hard again and Link could tell. Rhett saw, too, his eyes trained on Josh as his mouth stayed focused on Link.

Josh noticed, too, eyeing Rhett. “You want to help me out there, bro?” he asked, biting his lip. Rhett’s eyes flashed to Link, as if somehow asking for permission or something.

“It’s up to you,” Link told him. Rhett hesitated again, kept sucking Link’s cock, and for a long while, Link didn’t think he was going to, but then Rhett’s hand flashed out from him, wrapping around Josh and feeling Josh thrust into his hand with each movement from Chase. It was hot somehow, the idea of knowing Rhett cared only for Link, focused only on him, but was still helping Josh out for a moment, and Link didn’t get time to warn Rhett before he came. Rhett didn’t mind, releasing Josh and putting his full focus on Link as he drained him, letting his tongue and his hand practically milk the last of it from him. Link was breathing hard, so hard Rhett could see his ribs a little, and when he sat down on the couch beside him, Link draped himself across Rhett’s lap, letting Rhett rub his back gently. They were intimate in a very specific way, one that transcended any concern that Rhett might not like Link, might not care deeply for him. Chase could see it, Josh could see it, but most importantly, Link could.

“Probably a weird time to ask since we’re naked,” Chase chuckled, “but uh, Josh and I were thinkin’ about getting an apartment off-campus next semester. You two want us to look for a two-bedroom place instead?”

It was a good offer, one that tempted Rhett considerably. There was something about the idea of staying here, living with Link and having friends like these, friends he could feel fully comfortable with, wouldn’t worry about what they saw or heard… it was an arguably better situation than the one Rhett was currently in, fearful that his roommate might do something if he outed himself. That was something he’d never even considered when Link had texted, but now it was his biggest fear. But Rhett knew it wasn’t his best life, his dream plan, and even if they did that, it would only make leaving later harder.

Link rolled over in Rhett’s lap, chest up, studying his face and waiting for his answer. It was as if Link knew his path hinged on what Rhett said, and for him, that was okay. He didn’t hate the idea of being an engineer -- if Rhett had never mentioned film school, or if they’d never met, he never would have considered another option -- so if Rhett stayed, Link was willing to stay, too. But Rhett took a deep breath and brushed Link’s hair from his face. “Sounds great, guys, but I’m not planning on being here next semester.”

“You’re not?”

“No. I, um… I’m calling my mom later. I want to go to film school, so I’m planning on moving,” Rhett said.

“Link?” Josh asked, cocking his head to one side.

“I’m going where he’s going,” Link said. And he was, no matter what that meant came next.


	22. One Phone Call

Making that call was the hardest thing Rhett ever had to think about doing. They didn’t have the safety of Chase’s room anymore, nor the sanctuary of making the call in Link’s room, since his roommate was watching a loud movie. The last thing Rhett wanted to do was call his mom from the coffee shop, so when he found his room empty, he decided he didn’t have a choice.

“I’m right here if you need me,” Link said, leaning against the door. At least then if Rhett’s roommate unlocked it, he’d have to push harder to get the door open, and Link hoped that would be enough time for Rhett to stop talking.

“Thanks,” Rhett said. He was scared. The idea of telling his mom he wanted to go to film school, that he’d thought about it and given engineering the old college try and realized it wasn’t for him, was terrifying. In his mind, Rhett weighed the pros and cons of it, back and forth as he considered what was better: coming out as an aspiring film student, or coming out as bisexual. He figured his father would be equally disappointed in both, but at least his father would only consider one of them as being worthy of eternal damnation. But he had to say it, to tell them film school was in his plans. He took a deep breath and punched in the number he’d memorized in his childhood. He didn’t even need it saved in his phone.

“Dad? Is mom there?” Rhett knew eventually it would get back to his dad, but it felt easier to tell her first. “Hey, mom.”

Link could only hear one side of the conversation. It was probably better that way, that Link didn’t hear their side, because if his mom or his dad said anything against him going to film school, Link was worried he’d have trouble not going off on them and telling them to let him live.

“I, um… I wanted to talk to you about something.” He took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m fine. Everything is okay. No, I’m not, you know, I’m not in danger or anything. It’s okay.” It felt like he’d worried her, and Link wondered if she’d be as worried about him if she knew who he really was, or if she’d cut him out of her life. Based on the things Rhett had said, he worried it was the latter.

“So, I want to tell you something. And I want you to know that I’m not asking your permission. I’m telling you and I’m hoping that you’ll support me in the fact that this is what I want to do.” Link was surprised at how clear Rhett was making it, the fact that he was flat-out saying it. He wondered if that would make it easier, or if Rhett was doing this so when they inevitably said no, he could stand firmer without having to question his choice later. “No, it’s not about a girl,” he said, seemingly responding to a question from the other end. “Mom, seriously, listen. I didn’t get anyone pregnant, nothing happened, okay? It’s-- Mom, listen for a second, okay?”

He was clearly getting exasperated, overwhelmed at everything, and Link wanted to cross the room and hug him, to give some form of physical support, but that would require stepping away from the door, and he was meant to barricade it. Rhett paced the room, back and forth, back and forth. “Okay, so,” Rhett said, taking a deep breath. He finished his last two steps toward Link and took his hand, gripping it for strength, “I know you and dad think engineering is a better career for me than film, and I respect that, which is why I gave it a really solid try. I’ve been here almost a year, and I’ve taken some engineering classes, but it’s not what makes me happy.”

Link smoothed his thumb over Rhett’s hand, gently rubbing at it and watching his face for any sign of him cracking or breaking down. “I’m going to transfer schools in the fall. We’d discussed UNC-Asheville before and-- and I think that’s a good option for me, but I want to do some searching and make sure that’s where I plan to go. I’m applying right away.” Rhett didn’t hardly take a breath, like he was scared if he paused, she’d tell him he couldn’t.

“I’ve made up my mind.” He waited and listened again, closed his eyes tightly as if he was keeping in tears. “Okay, well, that’s all I needed to say. Do you need me to tell Dad or are you going to?” he asked, then followed it with an “okay. Bye, mom. I love you, too.” Link figured that meant the call was over until Rhett didn’t hang up. In a few moments, he said “Hi, dad,” and Link braced himself for the worst.

“Did you hear a lot of what mom said?” Rhett asked, feeling out where he was at. “Okay, well, basically what I told her was that I’m going to film school in the fall. I’m looking at a few schools, but I’ll probably apply at UNC-Asheville. I already decided. I’ve tried engineering and I hate it.” He sucked in air like he’d said everything without a breath, and Link pulled Rhett closer, letting Rhett lean against him as he rubbed his back. “No, I don’t want to go to med school or law school. You’d be wasting your money and my time, because immediately after that, I’d just go to film school anyway. I don’t want to be studying film when I’m 30 because I struggled through pre-law and law or pre-med and med or whatever. I want to go straight to film school so I can be out and making movies when if I took your way, I’d still be sitting there learning,” Rhett huffed. “Fine, if you aren’t going to pay for it, that’s fine. I’ll figure it out.”

Link could feel Rhett’s body tense and could feel his heart race, and he wanted to take the phone from Rhett’s hand, tell the man what he thought of him and the lack of support he had for his son. “Can you give the phone to mom?”

Rhett waited again, taking a deep breath. He covered the mouthpiece and leaned in, kissing Link’s nose, and for a second, he wasn’t as tense. Then, he uncovered it and held the phone to his ear. “Yeah, I know he’s mad,” Rhett said. “Mom, I don’t care. His opinion isn’t going to change anything. I’m going to film school,” he told her. “No, nobody’s pushing me to make this choice! I wanted this in high school and y’all told me no. I’m an adult now and I’m making my mind up and I’m doing it.”

Link bit his lip and listened, waiting. “Well, I guess I was right,” Rhett mumbled into the phone. Link could hear the voice on the other end, but couldn’t make out the words. Still, Rhett’s next statement was enough to make it clear what she’d asked. “I said I guess I was right, mom. I was right because I knew that y’all were going to shut me down like this. But you can be as disappointed in my choices as you want. It won’t change anything. I’m still going to want to go to film school. And I’m still going to be bisexual. And nothing y’all say will ever change any of that, so I guess that’s that.” He took the phone from his ear, pressed the button to end the call, and put it on the desk nearby.

“Rhett,” Link said, taking a slow deep breath, “are you sure you--”

“It’s too late,” Rhett interrupted him. “I already did it. I figured they were already disappointed, so I may as well take the bandaid approach. Rip it off all in one swoop.”

Rhett’s phone buzzed on the desk beside him, but he ignored it. Instead, he cupped Link’s face with his hand and kissed him. “You okay with how I handled that?”

“It’s your coming out. You handle it however seems right,” Link said, but then he realized that’s not why Rhett was asking. In that moment, Rhett needed the reassurance that he’d done the right thing in what basically seemed like taking a blowtorch to his entire life back home. “Yeah, Rhett. I think you did really good.”

As the phone started to vibrate again, Rhett let go of Link, walked over, and turned it off. “Good. What’s next?”


	23. Open Doors

The banks of the Cape Fear river were soothing for the soul. Rhett wondered why, in the year of college that he’d lived close enough to get there, he hadn’t gone until Link took him. Now, it seemed to be their favorite place for respite from the world, for a moment of peace in the chaos.

Coming out had been weird. A band-aid rip, really. Rhett had figured that he may as well do it while they were already mad, and he had. But he hadn’t expected so many coming outs in one day, in one week. He’d been warned it was a constant process, that coming out would happen all over again when he needed to introduce a coworker to his husband instead of his wife, or when he needed to get dinner reservations for two and showed up with a boyfriend instead of the assumed girlfriend. As long as heterosexuality was considered the norm in society, and as long as Rhett was dating men, it was going to keep coming up. For the same reasons Rhett had wished he’d been able to date a girl, given the fact that he was bisexual and didn’t want people to know, now that he was out, he hated the idea that if he  _ did  _ date a girl, it would somehow seem like that part of him was erased, that that coming out would no longer happen naturally, but that he’d have to intentionally choose who he was telling.

None of that was relevant, though. There wasn’t a life without Link in it in his mind, a life where Link wouldn’t be the person he introduced at parties and meetings and other events. So, as it stood, his coming out came quickly and regularly.

First, he’d told Link’s friends, who were now his friends.

Then, he’d told his parents, and that had gone about as well as could be expected. When he turned his phone back on later that day, he had 12 missed calls and 37 text messages, most of them various levels of his parents freaking out. As his dad was texting and calling to say he better never expect a dime from them again, his mother was texting and calling to tell him she loved him, even if she didn’t understand it. It was a mixed reaction, to say the least. In some ways during the two weeks that followed, his father had brought his mother around to his perspective and she’d agreed they weren’t paying for school. In other ways his mother had brought his father around, in that they didn’t flat-out disown him. It was mixed, and it would probably continue to be mixed. But as much as they threw around words like “we accept you and love you for who you are, even if we don’t get it,” they had made it very clear they weren’t interested in meeting Link. Instead, his mom had gone the route of “doesn’t bisexual mean that you can turn from your same-sex attraction and stop sinning and marry a girl?” He’d explained that it didn’t work like that, tried to explain the Kinsey scale like Josh had taught him, but that only perplexed them more to the point he started answering with “no, I can’t find a good girl. I don’t want one. But if you ever change your mind and want to meet my boyfriend, I’ll invite him home for dinner.”

The worst had been coming out to his roommate. That hadn’t been intentional in the slightest. It happened right after his parents, too. As he started to leave the room, Link in tow, to go somewhere — anywhere — that they could talk about what happened, Rhett opened the door and revealed his roommate. Link dropped contact altogether, letting go of Rhett’s hand for the moment. “What the  _ fuck  _ is he doing here?” his roommate had demanded.

“Studying. Where the fuck else do you want us to do that?”

“Anywhere but my room.”

“What, you’re afraid his gay is going to rub off on you?” Rhett asked him, calling him out on the words he’d say to Rhett but not to Link.

“Shut up,” his roommate said.

“No. You want to say it? Say it to his face. You don’t seem to have a problem with me knowing what a bigoted asshat you are, but suddenly it’s different when you have to say it to someone who’s actually gay?”

“Shut up,” his roommate repeated.

“Joke’s on you, jackass. He’s my fucking boyfriend,” Rhett said, tugging Link toward him, kissing him, and walking out the door.

It had been a dangerous move. Link told Rhett that later, that when someone is that bigoted, there’s a very good chance they’ll get dangerous, possibly violent. The last thing he needed was Rhett attracting undue pain and hurt because of who he was, and as thrilling as the moment had been with his parents, Link feared for him.

That was why he hadn’t gone back to his room since, other than to get his stuff out. The university refused to provide him with a transfer unless his roommate escalated beyond words and a “perceived threat,” which left Link screaming at admin in the middle of an office, asking them if Rhett had to be hurt or killed before they’d do jack shit about his safety. Mostly, they’d stayed tight-lipped about it and Link ended up begging his roommate to let Rhett stay in his room. They were riding out the semester and it wouldn’t be much longer, and anytime his roommate decided it was too much, Josh or Chase let him crash in their room. He was making it work.

But now, school was nearly out. Now, having to stay in each other’s rooms wasn’t an issue. They’d be living together, not on-campus because they’d applied too late to get a room together, but off-campus, in an apartment. Rhett was thrilled for the future.

“Are you going home this summer?” Link asked him, picking at a blade of grass as he sat beside Rhett, who was lying down in the grass. The water was around them, loud and rolling.

“Why? Can’t go to my house, can I?”

“Guess not. Want to come crash with me until July?” Their apartment wasn’t available until then, a month earlier than they were supposed to get it, thanks to a student needing to leave for an internship. They’d gotten lucky there.

“Your mom going to mind?”

“Nah, she’s cool. She’ll understand. I think she’s going to love you, Rhett.” Rhett needed that. He felt like, in a sense, he’d lost a lot of his family. In the same vein, he’d gained family. Chase and Josh were only four hours away. Link’s mom was apparently going to be more than accepting of him, and he believed Link in that. Mostly, he had Link.

“Hey, Rhett?”

“Yeah?”

Link hesitated, took a deep breath, and looked Rhett in the eyes. “Did you know I love you?”

“I don’t know, Link. You know that I love you back?”

“I guess I probably would’ve figured that out eventually.” That was it, the first time they’d said those words, and Rhett felt secure about the future, despite his fears.

He couldn’t believe how much a semester had changed him. He’d gone from a seriously straight engineering student, or so he thought, to a bisexual film major — with a boyfriend! It blew his mind, the fact that he’d opened himself up that much. If he thought back enough, there were hints at his feelings before Link, things he’d do before he realized he was bi that made it painfully, apparently clear that he hadn’t been straight at any point in his journey. He’d merely forced himself to think he was.

But now he didn’t have to do that. He could be Rhett. Rhett the bisexual. Rhett, Link’s boyfriend. Rhett the film enthusiast and budding filmographer who was sunning himself on the banks of a river next to Link. Rhett, stepping into the world to live his best life with the person he believed was his true soulmate by his side.

Rhett, preparing to live his best life, all because of one ridiculous text.

**Author's Note:**

> Posting schedule: Tuesdays.


End file.
